control over my thoughts
I kind of had one of those light bulb moments the other day where the light had been flickering for quite a long time but just didnt have it to turn itself completely on. See, I am going through this personal sort of, recovery process in trying to sober up and clear my mind so that I can avoid alot of this depression and insanity that I've been dealing with for months and months now.
I'm not really one to allow myself to get so deep in a hole that I cant get ou t and I realized recently that I was getting very far down in the hole. My interpretation of going in the hole is when you get to the point in your drunken insanity that you start to develop almost schizophrenic-like behavior, and this was definitely setting in for me I would say the past two weeks from now. I felt very paranoid and felt like everyone was out to get me somehow when in reality that wasn't the case at all.
I was doing it all to myself because it was a piece tot he self destruction and abusive behavior that I wasn't looking into because I was too drunk all of the time. I drank excessively to push boredom, stress and pain away. Those were the three things that tortured me the most that I had no control in making myself feel so I would drown it in booze every night of my waking life. It has prevented me from being creative and its made me abusive towards others (mentally and verbally)
I remember the days of moderation, that worked alot better for me. I am too concerned about my health and the state of my life to go on being a lame stereotypical fucking alcoholic in my life. I'm teaching myself to relax more and realize what I have going for me right now and strengthen it, not fear it and loose control over my thoughts.
I'm not really one to allow myself to get so deep in a hole that I cant get ou t and I realized recently that I was getting very far down in the hole. My interpretation of going in the hole is when you get to the point in your drunken insanity that you start to develop almost schizophrenic-like behavior, and this was definitely setting in for me I would say the past two weeks from now. I felt very paranoid and felt like everyone was out to get me somehow when in reality that wasn't the case at all.
I was doing it all to myself because it was a piece tot he self destruction and abusive behavior that I wasn't looking into because I was too drunk all of the time. I drank excessively to push boredom, stress and pain away. Those were the three things that tortured me the most that I had no control in making myself feel so I would drown it in booze every night of my waking life. It has prevented me from being creative and its made me abusive towards others (mentally and verbally)
I remember the days of moderation, that worked alot better for me. I am too concerned about my health and the state of my life to go on being a lame stereotypical fucking alcoholic in my life. I'm teaching myself to relax more and realize what I have going for me right now and strengthen it, not fear it and loose control over my thoughts.