(no subject)
Well, lets see.......... its been a month since I've gone on here, everything's still basically the same for me right now. I'm finding more and more the urge and extreme desire to aspire to what I want my destiny to be, a musician. I want to devote the entirity of my life to making music and teaching myself how to master other instruments. I've been writing alot lately, very different types of poems and lyrics that I never bothered to write in the past because I didnt think that the subject matter was "cool": enough. Thats an obvious condition of being young I suppose.
I just dont really feel like I have anyone as enthusaiastic and excited and motivated as me. Thats where alot of my sadness comes from right now. But today I looked in the mirror and realized that I am fucking awesome, I am smart, I am talented, I am unique and I have alot of influences that I can mesh together to make anything out of, whether its my paintings, music, photography, or a book (which I still want to write someday.)
I think life is so much more than a job or a profession........... or school or family. I think life is ultimately about (and this especially applies if you're the artsy type) making yourself as powerful and beautiful with every scrapping element of who you are. Thats basically why I despise religions and politics and the thought of making a family and being all american.
I have been obsessed with the idea of forming some type of different glam rock meets sickly semi-electronic sounding and looking music lately. I am fucking OBSESSED with the atmospheric feel to bowie's music from the early 70's right now, as well as getting back into gary numan and prince really heavily. Those guys all had the right idea in my eyes. They were very creative, they didnt really bitch about the world we live in, that is something that I've already done, I want to use my imagination more like I did as a child and make something entirely fresh and new. I want ryan to do it with me if he wants to. I find my life getting worse due to the fact that I cant create with someone. The working scheduel is fucking crap and I hate it. I hate everything about being an adult and paying bills and being a boring fuckin yuppy sqaure idiot. I want to be ME and live that way, just more outside of what my life is mostly consumed by, which is being a fucktard at linens n things.
Life is going by too fast for me to get trapped right now. There are other things that are better to trap myself with and I am going to fucking do it because I hate everything right now and its turning me into a raging alcoholic and manic depressive stress ball.
Things are going to change.
I just dont really feel like I have anyone as enthusaiastic and excited and motivated as me. Thats where alot of my sadness comes from right now. But today I looked in the mirror and realized that I am fucking awesome, I am smart, I am talented, I am unique and I have alot of influences that I can mesh together to make anything out of, whether its my paintings, music, photography, or a book (which I still want to write someday.)
I think life is so much more than a job or a profession........... or school or family. I think life is ultimately about (and this especially applies if you're the artsy type) making yourself as powerful and beautiful with every scrapping element of who you are. Thats basically why I despise religions and politics and the thought of making a family and being all american.
I have been obsessed with the idea of forming some type of different glam rock meets sickly semi-electronic sounding and looking music lately. I am fucking OBSESSED with the atmospheric feel to bowie's music from the early 70's right now, as well as getting back into gary numan and prince really heavily. Those guys all had the right idea in my eyes. They were very creative, they didnt really bitch about the world we live in, that is something that I've already done, I want to use my imagination more like I did as a child and make something entirely fresh and new. I want ryan to do it with me if he wants to. I find my life getting worse due to the fact that I cant create with someone. The working scheduel is fucking crap and I hate it. I hate everything about being an adult and paying bills and being a boring fuckin yuppy sqaure idiot. I want to be ME and live that way, just more outside of what my life is mostly consumed by, which is being a fucktard at linens n things.
Life is going by too fast for me to get trapped right now. There are other things that are better to trap myself with and I am going to fucking do it because I hate everything right now and its turning me into a raging alcoholic and manic depressive stress ball.
Things are going to change.