F.A.I.L.U.R.E...
i am sitting here wondering if there is ever going to be an end to my insanity...
i am beginning to think not...
for the past few days i have known that i needed to do something...
yes, i am constipated again... i sit here freaking teary eyed because i just cannot bring myself to do what i know i need to do... the one thing that i know will wash away the cramps... the easiest of solutions...
enema...
i just now figured out why i havent been able to bring myself to do it...
cuz it screams inside of me... FAILURE...
that will teach me to hurt my arm patting myself on the back because i had thought that for the very first time in my life i had finally, finally, finally succeeded in eating right...
but what no one knows is... i have read more articles and looked up more nutritional information these last few months than anyone could ever imagine... i really did... i read and i read and i changed things and changed and changed... lowered the fat... higher fiber... lowered carbs... increased the protein... reduced the sodium... decreased the caffeine... and i walk and i walk and i walk...
i even eat yogurt now... gotta get that calcium in... and not frozen yogurt made by Ben & Jerry's... tasting of chocolate fudge brownie... but real yogurt... vanilla and strawberry sprinkled with granola with fruit mixed in... yea... i actually somehow managed to get it down... and knowing how healthy it was i actually was able to bring myself to enjoy it...
i felt great eating right... i really did... things were going so well...
now again tho... i have a problem... again...
i hope its just a bit of left over full moon magic at work within me that is also wreaking havoc with my system... cuz my gosh, its insane... truly and utterly insane to feel like such a failure because after my sweet moment of success i have once again fallen on my face...
there is no end to how many times i seem to trip up and land on my face...
and truly no end to my own insanity...
me... for days in pain from the cramping... knowing one simple solution and all will be well...
yet... i honestly cannot bring myself to do it... its actually kinda sad how serious i am too...
it just screams FAILURE way too loud...
i am beginning to think not...
for the past few days i have known that i needed to do something...
yes, i am constipated again... i sit here freaking teary eyed because i just cannot bring myself to do what i know i need to do... the one thing that i know will wash away the cramps... the easiest of solutions...
enema...
i just now figured out why i havent been able to bring myself to do it...
cuz it screams inside of me... FAILURE...
that will teach me to hurt my arm patting myself on the back because i had thought that for the very first time in my life i had finally, finally, finally succeeded in eating right...
but what no one knows is... i have read more articles and looked up more nutritional information these last few months than anyone could ever imagine... i really did... i read and i read and i changed things and changed and changed... lowered the fat... higher fiber... lowered carbs... increased the protein... reduced the sodium... decreased the caffeine... and i walk and i walk and i walk...
i even eat yogurt now... gotta get that calcium in... and not frozen yogurt made by Ben & Jerry's... tasting of chocolate fudge brownie... but real yogurt... vanilla and strawberry sprinkled with granola with fruit mixed in... yea... i actually somehow managed to get it down... and knowing how healthy it was i actually was able to bring myself to enjoy it...
i felt great eating right... i really did... things were going so well...
now again tho... i have a problem... again...
i hope its just a bit of left over full moon magic at work within me that is also wreaking havoc with my system... cuz my gosh, its insane... truly and utterly insane to feel like such a failure because after my sweet moment of success i have once again fallen on my face...
there is no end to how many times i seem to trip up and land on my face...
and truly no end to my own insanity...
me... for days in pain from the cramping... knowing one simple solution and all will be well...
yet... i honestly cannot bring myself to do it... its actually kinda sad how serious i am too...
it just screams FAILURE way too loud...