where do I go from here?
I've really been struggling with my level of faith. I feel like (I really don't want this to be true, but of course it feels true) I don't have faith. I don't trust that God will speak to me. Not exactly that He won't speak to me at all, because I do get questions from time to time that pop into my head randomly that has to do with my spiritual growth that I would have never thought of before. But, it's when I sit down to read something that I'm just not focused enough or something because I don't learn anything. Maybe I'm trying too hard, or expecting too much but it is so frustrating. I want to believe that God can talk to me when ever I ask Him a question. I never have gotten a real answer right away...or ever. Which this worries me because if I'm not hearing from God then who is in my head? I don't know if this was right of him to do but I was talking with Michael M. about my situation and he told me that he would think of a number from 1-10 and that I was supposed to ask God what number he was thinking of. Well I thought of a number. The number two came to me...I don't know why two but just two. I was so afraid to say the number though, what if I was wrong? All these insecurities of fears came up in me. What if I am wrong? Then does this mean that I'm not hearing from God? I finally got the guts to say the number two. (who would have ever thought that saying the number two would be a scary situation?) Michael told me that the number that he was thinking of was four, but that God told him that I would say two. So where do I go from here?