Bhiggieboo
It was a Tuesday afternoon when Samuel J. Preston named his pubic lice. After several failed attempts with shampoos, fine combs and CLR to rid himself of the little friends, he decided to try persuasion. 'Perhaps,' Sammy thought, 'if I befriend them, they'll leave on their own will'.
And he was right... several weeks after his new outlook, most of the lice had moved on. For lice, you see, are not after your blood, or your warmth... that's a common misconception. They're there to annoy their host. Thousands of years ago, in a time of magic and warlocks, an evil wizard named 'Licander the Animal' hosted a rather splendid bash in his wizard's tower. The following morning, he woke up with a massive hangover, only to find several of his party guests had not yet left. They lurked around his tower until well past noon, raiding his food stores and potions without asking. To exact his revenge, he transformed them all into what are now known as Pubic Lice, and decreed that they would live forever to annoy others as he himself was annoyed.
But Samuel J. Preston was not aware of any wizards or curses. He was just aware of the one remaining friend, an inch from the base of his penis. This particular pest was known to him as Bhiggieboo.
Bhiggieboo wasn't the biggest infester, nor the most painful... but under a magnifying glass, Sammy had noticed a peculiar feature on the lice's head- an exact replica of Salvador Dali's "Persistence of Memory". Of course, Samuel wondered why such a revered piece of art was manifested on this crotch-invader, but Bhiggieboo never talked, never moved, and never left.
NEVER left.
When Samuel turned 57, he undressed in front of his first woman-friend. By this time in his life, Bhiggieboo had fed on enough of Sammy's blood to become the size of a small goiter. Sammy had become used to the "What's that?" question when taking down his pants in the public change-rooms, but the particular woman he had finally acquired just happened to be not only a doctor, but a fine art collector as well.
"Why is there a giant public lice with a Salvador Dali on it's head?" was at that time, the most specific question Sammy had ever been asked.
But he didn't know. Sammy never knew. He never knew why Bhiggieboo never left, and he never knew why the girl who was a doctor and fine art collector hit him on the back of the head with the lamp from beside the bed, killing him.
Now, his skin hangs in her basement, and his bones are in her backyard. His organs were digested by her dog, and now they lie in little plastic bags filled with dog shit in the local dump.
But Bhiggieboo is in a jar, 50 feet under a military base in Greenland. He's still alive, and has enough of Samuel J. Preston's blood to live a hundred years.
In the great nuclear war of 2012, Bhiggieboo escaped and was never seen again. It is said, that after the human race died, and aliens visited the planet many decades later, Bhiggieboo had grown to the size of a house, and ruled the world with an iron fist. He enslaved the aliens, and put them to work in factories, replicating the many works of Salvador Dali on the backs of his fellow lice.
And he was right... several weeks after his new outlook, most of the lice had moved on. For lice, you see, are not after your blood, or your warmth... that's a common misconception. They're there to annoy their host. Thousands of years ago, in a time of magic and warlocks, an evil wizard named 'Licander the Animal' hosted a rather splendid bash in his wizard's tower. The following morning, he woke up with a massive hangover, only to find several of his party guests had not yet left. They lurked around his tower until well past noon, raiding his food stores and potions without asking. To exact his revenge, he transformed them all into what are now known as Pubic Lice, and decreed that they would live forever to annoy others as he himself was annoyed.
But Samuel J. Preston was not aware of any wizards or curses. He was just aware of the one remaining friend, an inch from the base of his penis. This particular pest was known to him as Bhiggieboo.
Bhiggieboo wasn't the biggest infester, nor the most painful... but under a magnifying glass, Sammy had noticed a peculiar feature on the lice's head- an exact replica of Salvador Dali's "Persistence of Memory". Of course, Samuel wondered why such a revered piece of art was manifested on this crotch-invader, but Bhiggieboo never talked, never moved, and never left.
NEVER left.
When Samuel turned 57, he undressed in front of his first woman-friend. By this time in his life, Bhiggieboo had fed on enough of Sammy's blood to become the size of a small goiter. Sammy had become used to the "What's that?" question when taking down his pants in the public change-rooms, but the particular woman he had finally acquired just happened to be not only a doctor, but a fine art collector as well.
"Why is there a giant public lice with a Salvador Dali on it's head?" was at that time, the most specific question Sammy had ever been asked.
But he didn't know. Sammy never knew. He never knew why Bhiggieboo never left, and he never knew why the girl who was a doctor and fine art collector hit him on the back of the head with the lamp from beside the bed, killing him.
Now, his skin hangs in her basement, and his bones are in her backyard. His organs were digested by her dog, and now they lie in little plastic bags filled with dog shit in the local dump.
But Bhiggieboo is in a jar, 50 feet under a military base in Greenland. He's still alive, and has enough of Samuel J. Preston's blood to live a hundred years.
In the great nuclear war of 2012, Bhiggieboo escaped and was never seen again. It is said, that after the human race died, and aliens visited the planet many decades later, Bhiggieboo had grown to the size of a house, and ruled the world with an iron fist. He enslaved the aliens, and put them to work in factories, replicating the many works of Salvador Dali on the backs of his fellow lice.