True Story
It's sometime around 3 in the morning. I'm sound asleep dreaming and hoping I'm in a happier place than I am now. In this dream I am driving my father's truck as he throws a cigarette out of the passenger window as we speed down a road with a forest on each side. This happens at about the same time that we're passing a cop and I look at him like "You stupid fuck". We get pulled over and later arrested for littering. As I get to my jail cell I shit my pants. The turd falls down on the floor next to me somehow like I'm a dog. And when I look it is a turd made out of chocolate chip cookie dough. Amazing. I get scared as hell. I wake up paranoid and afraid that I've reverted back to shitting the bed like I'm 2 or 70. I spring out of my bed and ran to the bathroom like a possessed demon that just ate Walt Disney's soul. I wake the dogs up and possibly even my father. I drop my pants to the floor and take a pee. I then sit down on the toilet just to make sure I didn't shit my pants. I then sit there to see if my brain was telling me I had to shit. Thankfully there was no cookie dough or fudge in my pants or in my bed. I went back to my bed and thought about happy things like furry animals and dead Republicans until I could fall asleep. I overslept until 7:55 and woke up pretty much traumatized. Of course I shouldn't be sharing this with anybody else but since my feces is as amazing as cookie dough and I didn't shit my pants in real life, it's perfectly fine. This was also my excuse as to why I was late for work this morning.
=john=
=john=