Leaving Stories Unfinished
I've once again returned to sucking at life.
No, I haven't been drinking to an extent again. Yesterday was the toughest day that I've had in months with not drinking, I turned once again to my trusty Sobe(r) to get me through the night.
The last two weeks I've just lost all that...hope that I had and returned to being unmotivated and depressed. I haven't worked out in a week. I've barely been able to make myself go to class, let alone do homework or study. I'm not sure what changed in me, but stuff has just found its way close to my heart and so much easier to get me down than it has the last couple of weeks.
The whole Joe! and Amy thing is really getting at me... I don't know how to make it better. That's the entire problem, the thing about that guy is that I have this feeling in me to where I just want to make things better and right for him, for some reason since I've met him I've felt as though I need to help him and make everything right for him. I guess thats why I care about him so much... or maybe I just care about him so much that I feel that I need to do that for him. Whatever way... I'm sucking at it. Its almost to the point where I'm wanting to ask him if we should stop being friends outside of work... but I can't imagine that. As much as I want to be selfish and want him to be able to hang out and talk to me as much as possible, that's not fair to Amy. Ugh, I just don't know what to do.
I had vivid dreams of Nutjob last night that stuck with me through the day. I kept shuddering because of memories and conversations that I had hidden from myself until my dream brought them back to me. There's 2 vehicles that live here in the apartments that are the exact same as his and I cringe each time I see them. I hung out with the Twins tonight {his old roommates/best friends that I've made my own} and I almost wanted to talk to Rory about it... but I know{?} that I can deal with it on my own.
After a long conversation with Camey tonight... I'm beginning to think there's a correlation between ADD and depression. Also, why can't I just deal with these two "diseases" on my own as just human nature instead of putting a name on them????
There's a "cure" in a pill 5' away from me, but I won't allow myself to medicate again. These are things that I can deal with on my own, I just need to.
It's 1am... I'm extrememly sober for a Friday night and going to bed so I can work tomorrow, because I'm that broke, and then have people over here tomorrow night and maybe let myself make some bad decisions.
No, I haven't been drinking to an extent again. Yesterday was the toughest day that I've had in months with not drinking, I turned once again to my trusty Sobe(r) to get me through the night.
The last two weeks I've just lost all that...hope that I had and returned to being unmotivated and depressed. I haven't worked out in a week. I've barely been able to make myself go to class, let alone do homework or study. I'm not sure what changed in me, but stuff has just found its way close to my heart and so much easier to get me down than it has the last couple of weeks.
The whole Joe! and Amy thing is really getting at me... I don't know how to make it better. That's the entire problem, the thing about that guy is that I have this feeling in me to where I just want to make things better and right for him, for some reason since I've met him I've felt as though I need to help him and make everything right for him. I guess thats why I care about him so much... or maybe I just care about him so much that I feel that I need to do that for him. Whatever way... I'm sucking at it. Its almost to the point where I'm wanting to ask him if we should stop being friends outside of work... but I can't imagine that. As much as I want to be selfish and want him to be able to hang out and talk to me as much as possible, that's not fair to Amy. Ugh, I just don't know what to do.
I had vivid dreams of Nutjob last night that stuck with me through the day. I kept shuddering because of memories and conversations that I had hidden from myself until my dream brought them back to me. There's 2 vehicles that live here in the apartments that are the exact same as his and I cringe each time I see them. I hung out with the Twins tonight {his old roommates/best friends that I've made my own} and I almost wanted to talk to Rory about it... but I know{?} that I can deal with it on my own.
After a long conversation with Camey tonight... I'm beginning to think there's a correlation between ADD and depression. Also, why can't I just deal with these two "diseases" on my own as just human nature instead of putting a name on them????
There's a "cure" in a pill 5' away from me, but I won't allow myself to medicate again. These are things that I can deal with on my own, I just need to.
It's 1am... I'm extrememly sober for a Friday night and going to bed so I can work tomorrow, because I'm that broke, and then have people over here tomorrow night and maybe let myself make some bad decisions.