Things I think about
Ok, so obviously I think about a lot of stuff, and I'm not going to just list it all down here. I seem to be writing here with more purpose of late, and I guess that's generally a good thing. I feel a bit like I'm working towards a goal or purpose, mainly to do with self-examining my thinking and behavioural patterns. I've always paid a lot of attention to myself and what I do. I've never really tried to think about why I do the things I do, tho.
This probably isn't changing much here today, either. I am going to write more about what I think, rather than what I do. Maybe that'll give me some more insight into how my thinking affects my attitudes and actions...
Ok, so this was a situation that happened recently. I generally have difficulties talking to girls. I wind up caring too much about what they think, and trying to be funny and stuff. Sometimes its just works, other times I run out of things to say, or can't maintain the conversation, etc. Part of that is probably stuff that I can't control, like lack of interest in return from the girl... However this is the start of the breakdown...
In this particular scenario, I met up with a girl that I'd spoken to a few times, and subsequently sms'd, arranging to meet up. This was good. Only problem being that we hadn't been formally introduced (that I remember) and so using my name in my sms, I look back and I'm not sure that she knew who I was. Self doubt moment number 1.
So we met up, had a bit of a chat and a couple of drinks. It was actually quite pleasant, and while I admit thinking beyond just chit-chat, I look back and I'm fairly sure I enjoyed myself (the parts I can remember).
Ok, I've drifted way off track, and basically, forgotten where I was intending to go to start off with. Pretty much, I had drinks with a cute girl, and enjoyed myself, but looking back, I doubt the motivation for her having drinks with me. The more I look at the situation, and everything around it, the more I doubt that she was interested in having drinks with me. I invited her to catch up, she only told me where she was going, I went to meet her, probably the most involved thing she did was come out of the club to get me in past the bouncer. And buy me drinks. And now today I sent a msg to thank her for drinks, and no response. Clearly not interested, I guess.
I hate being confused... Worse, I hate confusing myself. It just seems that I can never let these things go. And I thought I was getting better from the start of this year. Apparently not... I'm just better when I get my own way...
This probably isn't changing much here today, either. I am going to write more about what I think, rather than what I do. Maybe that'll give me some more insight into how my thinking affects my attitudes and actions...
Ok, so this was a situation that happened recently. I generally have difficulties talking to girls. I wind up caring too much about what they think, and trying to be funny and stuff. Sometimes its just works, other times I run out of things to say, or can't maintain the conversation, etc. Part of that is probably stuff that I can't control, like lack of interest in return from the girl... However this is the start of the breakdown...
In this particular scenario, I met up with a girl that I'd spoken to a few times, and subsequently sms'd, arranging to meet up. This was good. Only problem being that we hadn't been formally introduced (that I remember) and so using my name in my sms, I look back and I'm not sure that she knew who I was. Self doubt moment number 1.
So we met up, had a bit of a chat and a couple of drinks. It was actually quite pleasant, and while I admit thinking beyond just chit-chat, I look back and I'm fairly sure I enjoyed myself (the parts I can remember).
Ok, I've drifted way off track, and basically, forgotten where I was intending to go to start off with. Pretty much, I had drinks with a cute girl, and enjoyed myself, but looking back, I doubt the motivation for her having drinks with me. The more I look at the situation, and everything around it, the more I doubt that she was interested in having drinks with me. I invited her to catch up, she only told me where she was going, I went to meet her, probably the most involved thing she did was come out of the club to get me in past the bouncer. And buy me drinks. And now today I sent a msg to thank her for drinks, and no response. Clearly not interested, I guess.
I hate being confused... Worse, I hate confusing myself. It just seems that I can never let these things go. And I thought I was getting better from the start of this year. Apparently not... I'm just better when I get my own way...