i hate today

[gnarlyaccess]

today was just not my fucking day. first... i was told i had to come into work for a "few" hours.. yea ok i stayed there til 5. my back kills. the pain has spread to the other side and up and down the right side of my spine. my stomach killed me today b/c i haven't had the time nor the moey to buy the freaking pills that help it. all i wanted to to was go home and take a bath... so that's what i did. only on the way home my engine decides it wants to over heat.. so i called mike to see what to do. he told me to drive with the heat full blast and that it would help cool the engine a bit. but it gets so hot that i have to open the windows. so my head was freezing like no other and my feet were in hell. yea so i get home and go take a relaxing bath with this chinese bubble bath stuff i bought. it has BARELY anything in it and the water is freezing. so i sat there in ice cold water trying to think but i couldn't. i was dead. i totally forgot that i didn't have my pills for my stomach so when i came home and ate dinner i was so hungry i didn't even care. i ate whatever and my stomach hurt sooooooo incredibly bad i could barely stnd it. i made a doctors appt for next thursday for my back by the way. i found gas for 2.14 so i went to fill up. the first pump i went to ended up being broken then when i finally got thru the line to a working one.. it took 30 bucks to fill the tank HALF WAY. yea.. that means if it would have been totally empty it would have taken 60. omg. the whale beast has never cost that much. i don't get it i think there has to be a hole in it or something. AND when i was walking out of the gas station from paying back to the car. i almost fell over b/c i was so dizzy.. the only other time i've ever felt like that was when i was hyperventilating and passing out on the way home from work that one time. i thought for sure i wouldn't make it home in one piece.. i didn't really care by this point tho. at work i had to take a bunch of vinyl off the installation truck and replace it well b/c it was a bit chilly and that wind was blowing i had to use our huge heat lamp and the heat gun.. needless to say i burnt myself sooo many times today it's not even funny. i don't get my back i hate it i wish it would go away. i can barely move without piercing pain shooting thru my back every step or slight move i make. i still have a ton of homework to do. i have to stufy for my math test on monday and since i'm going to ohio tomorrow that'll be impossible.. i have to STILL research my english paper and take notes and make the notecards.. and i have to study for my law test. not to mention that i still need to do the court date thingy b/c it's due at the end of the semester and it has to be AT LEAST 5 pages long. i haven't even started. so that was my shitty day.. i feel like screaming, throwing things, and crying right now. all at the same time. hopefully tomorrow will be better. god.. i get so mad at myself. i get so worked up over the littlest things.. i've tried to let things go and not be so uptight b/c i KNOW people don't like it. but then wwhen days like this come around i just want to say fuck it and just be my stupid mopey selfish ugly depressed self again. why can't i just be happy like i used to be? why does everything have to be so hard? it's so hard to try to change myself.. it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do. god this is the end.. i love you

two last things... 1) i asked jenna to get offline so i could get on to talk to mike before he had to leave but my stupid ass of a self spent the whole time writing in this damn thing about how fucking shitty my day was. shit. go me. 2) do i have the wrong outlook on how relationships should be??