Haunted Valentines
I feel so hollow- like I've lost all of my organs, or maybe its just my heart that I've lost. How can something so magical, so real, so perfect just up and leave with no apparent reason?! This isn't fair- its not fair to me! I put so much into him and I and he convinces me that he's in it for the long haul and then what does he do, he turns around and leaves without a goodbye, without a excuse of why we won't work- nothing. It breaks my heart and I somehow have to go on?! He made me believe that there were good guys out there that there was someone who could love all of me unconditionally but then he runs. I wish I knew why I wish I wasn't in the dark anymore. I hate this. It hurts so much. Bianca is right, I should be raging mad, and well, I guess I am; I'm mad at myself for thinking it was going to last. I'm made at myself for putting so much into him and I. And I'm so so so so mad at him for doing the very thing he said he would never do to me.
Last night I held another, but the entire time I wished it was him. I always wish it is him. I wish it was him texting me. I wish it was him calling me. I wish it was him by my side. I wish it was him touching me. I wish it was him laying next to me. I wish it was him kissing my lips, holding my hand, telling me how beautiful I am, telling me how much he loves me. I wish it was him I was making plans with. I wish it was him that I was going to be moving in with. I just wish it was him again.
Valentines Day is suppose to be loving, spent with the one you love- I spent mine with someone in love with the idea of my exterior and that's all. It was enough for me- I'm devoid of trying to care for someone right now, let alone care about someone else caring for me in the way that Ryan did. I just wish he would grow up and talk to me. He's killing me ever so softly- I hear his name, his voice, I see his face- he surrounds me and yet he's nowhere to be found. I'm haunted by a ghost of what was and what could have been.
How do you out run a ghost? How do you hide from that?
Last night I held another, but the entire time I wished it was him. I always wish it is him. I wish it was him texting me. I wish it was him calling me. I wish it was him by my side. I wish it was him touching me. I wish it was him laying next to me. I wish it was him kissing my lips, holding my hand, telling me how beautiful I am, telling me how much he loves me. I wish it was him I was making plans with. I wish it was him that I was going to be moving in with. I just wish it was him again.
Valentines Day is suppose to be loving, spent with the one you love- I spent mine with someone in love with the idea of my exterior and that's all. It was enough for me- I'm devoid of trying to care for someone right now, let alone care about someone else caring for me in the way that Ryan did. I just wish he would grow up and talk to me. He's killing me ever so softly- I hear his name, his voice, I see his face- he surrounds me and yet he's nowhere to be found. I'm haunted by a ghost of what was and what could have been.
How do you out run a ghost? How do you hide from that?