THE DIET
Over Thanksgiving Break, my mother tells me that she thinks I've gained weight.
"But you still look good. You still look skinny."
Gee, thanks Mom! This coming from the woman who led me to develop an eating disorder, and now, I am determined to go on a diet. One month, 5 lbs. or more if it happens. And no, it won't be the most healthy diet. I have been struggling with the notion of having gained a couple pounds, which, on my tiny frame, looks like a couple thousand pounds. I can't take trying to be healthy and smart and cool about it anymore. Thus, today begins a 1 month diet from hell. One serving of carbs a day. Most fruits and vegetables to eat, completely non-fat foods, very small portions, lots and lots of diet soda, coffee, tea and gum. And, oh yes, tons of working out. I have two weeks of hell coming up for school. But I hope that instead of channeling the stress by eating, I will reverse it and what control I have lost of my life to school will be regained through dieting. I will lose this damned extra couple pounds if I have to stick my finger down my throat a couple times. Thanks Mom for all the criticism you've dealt in my youth to now. When you learn how to better deal with sensitive topics like my weight, I will try harder to forget that my past eating disorders that still control my life.
For now, the diet begins. Time to go to the gym ... and then to the store for lots of fruits, veggies and fat free food. And this time, I will have no shame thoroughly reading the back of the boxes for nutritional content.
"But you still look good. You still look skinny."
Gee, thanks Mom! This coming from the woman who led me to develop an eating disorder, and now, I am determined to go on a diet. One month, 5 lbs. or more if it happens. And no, it won't be the most healthy diet. I have been struggling with the notion of having gained a couple pounds, which, on my tiny frame, looks like a couple thousand pounds. I can't take trying to be healthy and smart and cool about it anymore. Thus, today begins a 1 month diet from hell. One serving of carbs a day. Most fruits and vegetables to eat, completely non-fat foods, very small portions, lots and lots of diet soda, coffee, tea and gum. And, oh yes, tons of working out. I have two weeks of hell coming up for school. But I hope that instead of channeling the stress by eating, I will reverse it and what control I have lost of my life to school will be regained through dieting. I will lose this damned extra couple pounds if I have to stick my finger down my throat a couple times. Thanks Mom for all the criticism you've dealt in my youth to now. When you learn how to better deal with sensitive topics like my weight, I will try harder to forget that my past eating disorders that still control my life.
For now, the diet begins. Time to go to the gym ... and then to the store for lots of fruits, veggies and fat free food. And this time, I will have no shame thoroughly reading the back of the boxes for nutritional content.