(no subject)
Thank you all for your pointers...
fortunately, I got through the date very well. and i have to say that it went even better than planned. i am very excited about the potential of this one. he may be just as overzealous, fashion wary and ambitious as I am. what i am more worried about, other than the possibility of his suddenly losing interest, is my inevitable tendency to screw things up as soon as they get going. i am a creature of habit, and anything that disrupts my normal way of life feels like a threat and a nuisance. anyone else have that problem? i guess i realize that I am worthy, but for once I would just like to be in a relationship that suits me - as only one has in my life and that wasn't a very healthy one. Philip was trial and error. Bobby was just sweet. Will was the one I'll always wish I could have held onto. Alex was crazy. And there are about a dozen or more that never amounted to anything as a result of moving around too much, too soon and never being able to actually pursue anything, much to my chagrin. There are probably a lot of missed opportunities in that pile, though there is nothing I could have ever done about it.
I guess I lost the need to find someone about 3 weeks after being here, and realizing that desperation will only drive you mad. But talking with Lindsay yesterday, she said "Sometimes I feel like I will never find the person I am supposed to be with." I mean, I think her thinking was we haven't found them yet, and if it keep going at this rate, we never will. Everyone always has that "You are young" attitude...eventually, you will find someone. Well...what if I really never do? It's a frightening thought. And while I am by no means putting Dan on the potential futures list (which I don't actually keep)...he's got my vote for now.
fortunately, I got through the date very well. and i have to say that it went even better than planned. i am very excited about the potential of this one. he may be just as overzealous, fashion wary and ambitious as I am. what i am more worried about, other than the possibility of his suddenly losing interest, is my inevitable tendency to screw things up as soon as they get going. i am a creature of habit, and anything that disrupts my normal way of life feels like a threat and a nuisance. anyone else have that problem? i guess i realize that I am worthy, but for once I would just like to be in a relationship that suits me - as only one has in my life and that wasn't a very healthy one. Philip was trial and error. Bobby was just sweet. Will was the one I'll always wish I could have held onto. Alex was crazy. And there are about a dozen or more that never amounted to anything as a result of moving around too much, too soon and never being able to actually pursue anything, much to my chagrin. There are probably a lot of missed opportunities in that pile, though there is nothing I could have ever done about it.
I guess I lost the need to find someone about 3 weeks after being here, and realizing that desperation will only drive you mad. But talking with Lindsay yesterday, she said "Sometimes I feel like I will never find the person I am supposed to be with." I mean, I think her thinking was we haven't found them yet, and if it keep going at this rate, we never will. Everyone always has that "You are young" attitude...eventually, you will find someone. Well...what if I really never do? It's a frightening thought. And while I am by no means putting Dan on the potential futures list (which I don't actually keep)...he's got my vote for now.