Good news and ranting about my struggles
Well, the good news is that Cody did not actually fracture anything playing soccer. It still hurt for the rest of the weekend but it is doing much better now.
Also, I just got my test results for my glucose and thyroid levels and they are both NORMAL! Yay. That takes a huge stress off.
I'm still having a hard time dealing with the news we got from the doctor on Friday. I know it will all be fine and I probably wont even remember all that stuff once the baby is here, but I just fear having to go through a complicated pregnancy.
The other trouble is that all the advice is so contradictory. The doc says to reduce salt but that there isn't much else to do. The tech said I should drink more water. Books say that reducing salt doesnt make a difference for the temporary nature of preeclampsia. Others say to exercise, but the treatment for preeclampsia can require bed rest and other people say to rest laying down on my side when even I can. Eat protein, calcium, cut sugar, more veggies, fruits, cut caffiene, caffeine doesn't matter, don't diet, only 300 extra calories. I suck at protein and veggies. I'd be happy eating cereal, milk, bread, noodles, cheese and icecream all day every day. I hate to cook. Cody hates veggies. We buy them and they go rotten. We are slowly going bankrupt on our way through this thing. He can't have many foods that make chicken yummy (like asian stirfry or barbeque sauce). Thinking about food stresses me out. I hate it. I hate not wanting to put in the energy to take good care of myself. I hate it that its all wrapped up in shame so just the simple act of trying to do something different and each little failure or mental struggle triggers shame and stress. I look at the list of symptoms for preeclampsia and start going nuts cuz i have a lot of those. I'm nearly certain i had protein in my urine at the last appt, they didn't tell me though. Drink more water. That i can probably handle, but it takes a lot of energy. My hands are raw from going to the bathroom so much. We cannot afford for me to be on bed rest. i want to work till i spring a leak, and use every unpaid leave day with my little one before i have to rip myself away to provide for the family. Okay, i had better stop before this gets out of hand, but these are the things I struggle with right now, personally. Not to mention what my friends are going through with their job and health problems. This was supposed to be a quick update of good news, but Thanks for letting me add a rant to it. It helps to get it out there.
There are lots of glimmers of hope too. Cody got video chat setup with his family in England. We learned that his Aunt might not need chemo to treat the breast cancer, which is awesome cuz that's the part that really kills ya. The pastors of the journey may be starting something really good. God may know what he's doing after all :) okay. time to go practice being still and knowing that he is God.
Also, I just got my test results for my glucose and thyroid levels and they are both NORMAL! Yay. That takes a huge stress off.
I'm still having a hard time dealing with the news we got from the doctor on Friday. I know it will all be fine and I probably wont even remember all that stuff once the baby is here, but I just fear having to go through a complicated pregnancy.
The other trouble is that all the advice is so contradictory. The doc says to reduce salt but that there isn't much else to do. The tech said I should drink more water. Books say that reducing salt doesnt make a difference for the temporary nature of preeclampsia. Others say to exercise, but the treatment for preeclampsia can require bed rest and other people say to rest laying down on my side when even I can. Eat protein, calcium, cut sugar, more veggies, fruits, cut caffiene, caffeine doesn't matter, don't diet, only 300 extra calories. I suck at protein and veggies. I'd be happy eating cereal, milk, bread, noodles, cheese and icecream all day every day. I hate to cook. Cody hates veggies. We buy them and they go rotten. We are slowly going bankrupt on our way through this thing. He can't have many foods that make chicken yummy (like asian stirfry or barbeque sauce). Thinking about food stresses me out. I hate it. I hate not wanting to put in the energy to take good care of myself. I hate it that its all wrapped up in shame so just the simple act of trying to do something different and each little failure or mental struggle triggers shame and stress. I look at the list of symptoms for preeclampsia and start going nuts cuz i have a lot of those. I'm nearly certain i had protein in my urine at the last appt, they didn't tell me though. Drink more water. That i can probably handle, but it takes a lot of energy. My hands are raw from going to the bathroom so much. We cannot afford for me to be on bed rest. i want to work till i spring a leak, and use every unpaid leave day with my little one before i have to rip myself away to provide for the family. Okay, i had better stop before this gets out of hand, but these are the things I struggle with right now, personally. Not to mention what my friends are going through with their job and health problems. This was supposed to be a quick update of good news, but Thanks for letting me add a rant to it. It helps to get it out there.
There are lots of glimmers of hope too. Cody got video chat setup with his family in England. We learned that his Aunt might not need chemo to treat the breast cancer, which is awesome cuz that's the part that really kills ya. The pastors of the journey may be starting something really good. God may know what he's doing after all :) okay. time to go practice being still and knowing that he is God.