hear no evil, see no evil ... say again?
Before I begin, just let me say that I think the problem in all this lies with me mostly. I went from living with my mom, bro and grandma straight to shacking up with the TB so I've never had to deal with having roommates, setting boundaries and what not. I've been used to having the final say in what, when and how things get done around here ...
Two weeks ago on Saturday I received a strange visit. I hadn't seen Alex in a while so it surprised to see him here but I was happy to catch up.
Turned out his news weren't good. Business had been downhill for a while now and he'd finally found himself in the position of having to close down for good - with the not-so-slight inconvenient of having to find new digs right away, what with him living AT the shop. I felt bad for him and his family (two kids + wife) and, remembering my own hard times, did the only thing that made sense at the time. I offered a place to crash while they got it together.
I didn't know what I was getting into.
It started from day one, when trying to make breakfast for everyone just evolved into a storm of high-pitched "I don't like ..."s and "Can I have .... instead?"s and it ended up with me, a very tall pile of dirty dishes and nobody around to lend a hand. I guess I didn't expect the kids to make any actual effort to help (even though they're 12 and 9) but I could have never imagined the grown-ups would vanish that fast. Now, I realize that most normal people have the ability to request help when necessary but ... you know me. I haven't got a single assertive bone in my body so I didn't trust me not to offend anyone in the process.
When job possibilities were discussed the next day, I mentioned there might be an opening at my school. I helped the missus write up a résumé and took it to school to get her started in her job search- then stood there aghast as she simply declared that she wouldn't be going to other schools until she heard this one offer. It's beyond my comprehension that you could just sit around and do nothing when there is zero income in your family.
It didn't get any better from that point on. But, I have to admit that it wasn't the lack of help, the financial burden, the staying-in-bed-till-all-hours or the absolute lack of privacy in our current arrangement that got me to the point of writing this entry but the difference in child rearing styles. I'm not saying that my way of raising the kids is the ideal one (I am aware that I might be a little too strict even) but ... I can't have the children eating sweets all day long, leaving toys lying around all over the place, staying up late or talking back to me when I ask for help with chores. And I can't get into the "How come X doesn't have to ...?" debate, not in front of X and X's parents.
When I tried to talk to the TB about it (see? that's how on the edge of insanity I've been), he just said that if it was MY house then I should have laid down the law and made the other children comply with MY rules. The problem with that is I feel like I have no authority over them (not that their parents appear to have any either, but that's beside the point) and I'm afraid it wouldn't go over well. The alternative, he said, is to let my kids do whatever the others get away with and that simply doesn't work for me. When not at home, would I want my kids to follow other parents' rules or my own? Would I let my kids do the things they usually do when at someone else's? Am I just being an idiot?
*tears hair out in frustration*
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm happy I'm lending a hand, I'm aware whatever good deed this represents has been totally negated by the fact I'm bitching so much about it and I'll be relieved when/if things go back to normal.
And now, because I feel like I have to make it up to my f-list for putting them through that ... have a pretty photobucket thingy of a recent outing.
Two weeks ago on Saturday I received a strange visit. I hadn't seen Alex in a while so it surprised to see him here but I was happy to catch up.
Turned out his news weren't good. Business had been downhill for a while now and he'd finally found himself in the position of having to close down for good - with the not-so-slight inconvenient of having to find new digs right away, what with him living AT the shop. I felt bad for him and his family (two kids + wife) and, remembering my own hard times, did the only thing that made sense at the time. I offered a place to crash while they got it together.
I didn't know what I was getting into.
It started from day one, when trying to make breakfast for everyone just evolved into a storm of high-pitched "I don't like ..."s and "Can I have .... instead?"s and it ended up with me, a very tall pile of dirty dishes and nobody around to lend a hand. I guess I didn't expect the kids to make any actual effort to help (even though they're 12 and 9) but I could have never imagined the grown-ups would vanish that fast. Now, I realize that most normal people have the ability to request help when necessary but ... you know me. I haven't got a single assertive bone in my body so I didn't trust me not to offend anyone in the process.
When job possibilities were discussed the next day, I mentioned there might be an opening at my school. I helped the missus write up a résumé and took it to school to get her started in her job search- then stood there aghast as she simply declared that she wouldn't be going to other schools until she heard this one offer. It's beyond my comprehension that you could just sit around and do nothing when there is zero income in your family.
It didn't get any better from that point on. But, I have to admit that it wasn't the lack of help, the financial burden, the staying-in-bed-till-all-hours or the absolute lack of privacy in our current arrangement that got me to the point of writing this entry but the difference in child rearing styles. I'm not saying that my way of raising the kids is the ideal one (I am aware that I might be a little too strict even) but ... I can't have the children eating sweets all day long, leaving toys lying around all over the place, staying up late or talking back to me when I ask for help with chores. And I can't get into the "How come X doesn't have to ...?" debate, not in front of X and X's parents.
When I tried to talk to the TB about it (see? that's how on the edge of insanity I've been), he just said that if it was MY house then I should have laid down the law and made the other children comply with MY rules. The problem with that is I feel like I have no authority over them (not that their parents appear to have any either, but that's beside the point) and I'm afraid it wouldn't go over well. The alternative, he said, is to let my kids do whatever the others get away with and that simply doesn't work for me. When not at home, would I want my kids to follow other parents' rules or my own? Would I let my kids do the things they usually do when at someone else's? Am I just being an idiot?
*tears hair out in frustration*
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm happy I'm lending a hand, I'm aware whatever good deed this represents has been totally negated by the fact I'm bitching so much about it and I'll be relieved when/if things go back to normal.
And now, because I feel like I have to make it up to my f-list for putting them through that ... have a pretty photobucket thingy of a recent outing.