Wind Outta My Sails.
Blah blah blah.
This is just me bitching and being insecure. I really want to end up finishing school back in Vegas, but lately I've been afraid that going back is a mistake. I mean, I've spent my time away from home promising all my friends that I'm coming back, but is three and a half years too little, too late? Recently I've realized that maybe they discarded me a long time ago; maybe no one gives a shit if I come back. Maybe I can't just come back and pick up where we all left off. Maybe they're all mad at me for being so shitty at correspondence. Everyone's got shiny new best friends, everyone's gotten over me, filled up the little hole I left, and here I am, being the big fool and still loving them like I never left. Of course, there's a huge change this is just my insecurities flaring up; maybe they really do want to see me again.
Would I want to see me again? I just kind of up and left... and then didn't write or call all that much. I don't know. I spent so much of my time basing my life on moving back and taking up my old routine and friends again, but I guess that just seems so unlikely now. My big fear is that not only would they not care if I came back, but they'd really rather that I stay gone. Just the thought of that, even now, really really knocks the wind out of me. The last thing I'd ever want is to find out that the girls I love don't love me back. And it hurts, because in the end, the only person to blame is the one sitting here and typing all of this out.
Live to love,
Vanessa
This is just me bitching and being insecure. I really want to end up finishing school back in Vegas, but lately I've been afraid that going back is a mistake. I mean, I've spent my time away from home promising all my friends that I'm coming back, but is three and a half years too little, too late? Recently I've realized that maybe they discarded me a long time ago; maybe no one gives a shit if I come back. Maybe I can't just come back and pick up where we all left off. Maybe they're all mad at me for being so shitty at correspondence. Everyone's got shiny new best friends, everyone's gotten over me, filled up the little hole I left, and here I am, being the big fool and still loving them like I never left. Of course, there's a huge change this is just my insecurities flaring up; maybe they really do want to see me again.
Would I want to see me again? I just kind of up and left... and then didn't write or call all that much. I don't know. I spent so much of my time basing my life on moving back and taking up my old routine and friends again, but I guess that just seems so unlikely now. My big fear is that not only would they not care if I came back, but they'd really rather that I stay gone. Just the thought of that, even now, really really knocks the wind out of me. The last thing I'd ever want is to find out that the girls I love don't love me back. And it hurts, because in the end, the only person to blame is the one sitting here and typing all of this out.
Live to love,
Vanessa