Dragging My Feet
I feel like there's so much I want to say to people, but lately I haven't reached out at all.
I was doing great for a while, replying to people quickly, reaching out to others I hadn't spoken to in forever, taking the initiative and calling people GASP. But this month my short-lived extrovertion sputtered to a halt and I'm once more dragging my feet. It may have something to do with all the tumultuous revelations that have been taking place in the past couple of weeks... though I can't understand why when things go wrong and I'm feeling isolated, I pull back even further. I'm so very bad at reaching out when I hurt. Right now I should be looking to my friends and family, but I can't even force myself to. I wish I was still visiting the therapist. I don't think he helped much advice-wise, but it was nice to have a cold, clinical analyzation of my feelings. Sometimes I like it better that way... devoid of warmth, flattery, sugar-coating... tell me like it is, doc.
I am so goddamn confused. Few things in my life are concrete right now. I just want to run away again. I want to just go to Vegas tomorrow ((fuckallthoseotherplans)) and drink out in the desert in the back of someone's pickup truck until I pass out from sheer exhaustion and falsified good feelings. My friend Lory mentioned she's having a little sexy pajama bash on the 28th and goddamn it just reminds me how badly I need a ladies night. She lives in Florida though, and it's a twelve hour drive that I can't make with a borrowed car. Dammit.
I just have so many pent-up feelings. I want to get in a good old fashioned fist fight. I want to punch someone as hard as I can right in the face just to see if she'd be sorry. Hmm, wait, no specifics here... I meant 'they.' Anonyminity is our friend.
Who is this furious, anti-social, self-destructive, violent, insecure person that keeps welling up within?
So confused.
Live to love,
Vanessa
I was doing great for a while, replying to people quickly, reaching out to others I hadn't spoken to in forever, taking the initiative and calling people GASP. But this month my short-lived extrovertion sputtered to a halt and I'm once more dragging my feet. It may have something to do with all the tumultuous revelations that have been taking place in the past couple of weeks... though I can't understand why when things go wrong and I'm feeling isolated, I pull back even further. I'm so very bad at reaching out when I hurt. Right now I should be looking to my friends and family, but I can't even force myself to. I wish I was still visiting the therapist. I don't think he helped much advice-wise, but it was nice to have a cold, clinical analyzation of my feelings. Sometimes I like it better that way... devoid of warmth, flattery, sugar-coating... tell me like it is, doc.
I am so goddamn confused. Few things in my life are concrete right now. I just want to run away again. I want to just go to Vegas tomorrow ((fuckallthoseotherplans)) and drink out in the desert in the back of someone's pickup truck until I pass out from sheer exhaustion and falsified good feelings. My friend Lory mentioned she's having a little sexy pajama bash on the 28th and goddamn it just reminds me how badly I need a ladies night. She lives in Florida though, and it's a twelve hour drive that I can't make with a borrowed car. Dammit.
I just have so many pent-up feelings. I want to get in a good old fashioned fist fight. I want to punch someone as hard as I can right in the face just to see if she'd be sorry. Hmm, wait, no specifics here... I meant 'they.' Anonyminity is our friend.
Who is this furious, anti-social, self-destructive, violent, insecure person that keeps welling up within?
So confused.
Live to love,
Vanessa