Give Me Love: Part 5/6
Title: Give Me Love
Author: glitterbomb15
Rating: T/PG-13
Warnings (if any): Some descriptions of blood/injury
Total Word Count: 19,159
Summary: Kurt Hummel is stuck in the monotony of his life, completely alone and unsatisfied. Until he wakes up one morning to find that he’s grown a pair of wings and been gifted a bow. Destined to give love to other people, Kurt finds himself at a loss, never having experienced love himself. Until he meets Blaine, a paramedic who saves him in more ways than one. Based on the music video for the song "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran.
Masterpost
Fic Art
… … …
After my blood is drowning in alcohol
No, I just wanna hold ya
… … …
A couple weeks passed, and Kurt gave love to almost 30 couples. He couldn’t explain how, but he knew when he saw someone that he was meant to release an arrow to them. Sometimes, he’d walk around aimlessly with a few arrows in his hand; a couple times, he hailed a taxi and rode around the city, aiming as well as he could.
The wings that he’d been so afraid of before, now gave him a sense of power and purpose. He felt like he wasn’t just some bum without a job in a crappy apartment doing nothing. He was doing something good, something meaningful. It gave him joy to give love to people and to see them happy.
At the same time, though, with each arrow Kurt shot, his own heart eroded a little. He longed to have the love he so readily gave to others. There had been more dates with Blaine, and things were going well, but Blaine still had all of these complicated stories that were off limits. The more he got to know about Blaine, the less Kurt felt like he really knew him. Their conversations were trivial, their relationship based purely on surface information.
One Tuesday evening, they were lounging on Kurt’s mattress on the floor, discussing Sondheim musicals. Blaine was going on and on about West Side Story and Kurt just snapped.
“I don’t know you at all,” he said, blinking as he stared at Blaine.
Blaine stopped his speech and returned the stare. “What?”
“I don’t know anything about you.” Kurt stood up, pacing in the tiny space of his kitchen.
“Sure you do.”
“No, I don’t. I know your taste in musicals and television shows and movies and music, but what does that even mean, really?”
“I think that says a lot about a person.”
Kurt paused in his pacing to give Blaine a look. “You know what I mean, Blaine. Why don’t I know anything about you? Your parents’ names, if you have any siblings, what made you decide to be a paramedic, why you came to New York. All of these things that have come up in conversations with us, but you’ve always shied away from. Why can’t you just tell me?”
Blaine dropped Kurt’s gaze and looked down at the floor. “It’s complicated.”
“Life is complicated. God, I’ve never even seen where you live. I’ve shown you my crappy apartment, I’ve told you about my dad’s heart attack and his cancer, about the last few disastrous years of my life-losing my job, my best friend, everything.”
“And I’m grateful for that, I am. I love getting to know you. But sharing doesn’t come that easy for everybody.”
Kurt stepped over to Blaine and kneeled down in front of him, tilting his chin up. “Don’t you trust me?”
“You know I do,” Blaine answered, bringing his hand up to cup Kurt’s cheek. “But we’ve only known each other for, what, a little over a month? Maybe a month and a half? The things about myself that I haven’t told you, I haven’t told anyone. They’re difficult for me to talk about.”
Kurt rose on his feet again and walked away, towards his desk. He traced the wood of one of his arrows. “I thought we were creating something good, here. Something special.”
“We are.”
“Then why can’t you tell me?”
“It’s not that simple, Kurt.”
“It can be.”
“Look, you can’t force someone to share something they’re not ready to,” Blaine said. Kurt turned around to see Blaine standing up too. Kurt could tell from Blaine’s facial expression and tone of voice that he was growing frustrated. “These things I’m keeping from you, they’re not easy for me. They’re really dark parts of my life that I wish every day I could forget about.”
“Maybe if you talked about them, it could help.”
Blaine shook his head and looked down. “You’re just not getting it.”
“Because you’re not giving me anything!”
“And I’m not going to! Not right now. Can you please just drop it?”
Kurt remained silent, considering. This conversation was obviously putting a strain on their relationship-whatever their relationship was-but so was the unknown. Kurt couldn’t just let this go. He wanted so badly to trust Blaine, to move forward, to be his boyfriend, but Kurt couldn’t give that level of trust to someone he didn’t even really feel like he knew.
Finally, Kurt sighed. “I can’t.”
“You asked me if I trusted you and I said yes,” Blaine said, walking over to Kurt. He took Kurt’s hands in his and stared directly into Kurt’s eyes. “Do you trust me?”
Kurt didn’t want to say no, but he couldn’t say yes. His silence was answer enough for Blaine, he could tell. Blaine dropped his hands and stepped away, heading for the door.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt murmured, because the moment felt too fragile for normal tones.
Blaine paused with his hand on the doorknob, looking back at Kurt. “Me too.”
The hard sound of the door shutting behind Blaine made Kurt flinch. He suddenly regretted even bringing it up at all. He should’ve left it alone, let Blaine tell him things in his own time, when he was ready. Instead, Kurt was impatient and demanding.
He knew the only thing that could make him feel better was his bow. His bow, and a pep talk from Santana.
… … …
Give a little time to me or burn this out
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around
All I want is the taste that your lips allow
My, my, my, my, oh give me love
… … …
On The Rocks was crowded again, but it was especially loud that night, too many people with too much to drink. He knew Santana had a lot on her hands, but when he approached the bar, it became even more obvious. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and there were several pieces that had fallen down in her face. Her very irritated-looking face.
“Santana!” he called out.
Her head whipped around. When she saw him, her irritated expression didn’t change. “You here for a drink?”
“No, I need to talk to you.”
“Is it this Cupid shit still? Kurt, it’s been two weeks. When are you going to wake up and realize that you’re not some goddamn love fairy?”
Kurt’s jaw dropped. “That was a little harsh, Santana.”
“Look, I don’t have time for your fantasy bullshit. Some of us have real lives and real jobs.”
“Why are you being so mean to me?”
“What are you, 5 years old? Get over yourself. Not everyone’s lives revolve around you.”
Kurt was just about to tear into Santana and give her a taste of her own bitch medicine when he saw her. Brittany. Her blonde hair caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, across the bar with some guy. They were standing closely, talking and laughing.
When Kurt turned back to Santana, he saw her staring in the same direction.
“Now I get it,” he said.
Santana snapped her eyes to him and glared. “You don’t get anything.”
“What’s she doing here?”
“I don’t know.”
“She staying with you?”
“No. Her…boyfriend got them a hotel room. He’s loaded.”
Kurt swiveled around again to stare at Brittany and her boyfriend. It seemed surreal to see her again after so long, especially not latched to Santana’s side.
Wordlessly, Kurt lifted up an arrow and raised an eyebrow to Santana.
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “No way. As much as I may want to, you’re not killing him.”
“No,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “Not murder. Love. For you.” He gestured towards Brittany.
“Even if you were Cupid, I’d say no. Look at her, look at how happy she looks. I can’t destroy that for my own selfish reasons.”
Kurt nodded thoughtfully. Santana went to go fill a few people’s drinks, serve a few beer bottles. When she came back, Kurt said, “I think Blaine and I broke up.”
“Were you guys an item? Did you neglect to tell me that part?”
“No. I guess it wasn’t really a break up. It was just…a fight. But I don’t think I’ll see him again.”
“People fight, Kurt. He’ll come back.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
Santana shrugged. “Then he doesn’t. What did you two fight about anyway?”
“I don’t know anything about him. We barely ever talk about anything real, and when we do, it’s always me sharing stuff about my past. He never talks about his. How can I trust someone and enter a relationship with someone I barely know?”
“Isn’t that kind of the point? You take a leap and you give a part of yourself to someone based on blind faith, because you feel a connection with them. You may not trust them, but you have to trust that connection. Sometimes it turns into something more and it develops and sometimes it just fades away. It’s worth a shot, though. Brittany and I, our connection may have faded, but I wouldn’t trade the time we had for anything.”
Kurt mulled that over while Santana made a round of margaritas for a group of college girls. When she returned, he slapped a 10 dollar bill on the table.
“What’s that for?” she asked.
“Aren’t you supposed to tip your bartender?”
“You didn’t order anything.”
“You gave me good advice. Just take the money.”
“I’m not sure I should. I’ve seen where you live.”
“I’m sitting in your living room.”
She paused, then grabbed the money and stowed it in her bra. “Touché.”
“Thank you, Santana.”
“Yeah. Hey, sorry for being an ass when you first walked in.”
“It’s okay. I understand why.” He glanced behind him at Brittany, who was now dancing with her boyfriend. He winced. “I’ll see you around.”
“See you,” Santana said.
Kurt headed back out into the less-than-fresh New York air and sighed. The bow was practically humming in his hands, waiting for use. The arrows he brought with him tonight felt heavy in his hand. His wings fluttered behind him, expanding a little.
Something felt different. There was a woozy feeling in his gut. This arrow, this night, something was going to happen. He couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, but he knew that it would be important. He told himself it was good and headed down the street.
… … …
Give a little time to me or burn this out
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around
All I want is the taste that your lips allow
… … …
Kurt hadn’t planned to go to Murphy’s, but it was a Tuesday, and after his fight with Blaine and his talk with Santana, he didn’t know where else to go. He couldn’t shake the feeling he got outside On The Rocks. Subconsciously, he ended up at the diner, the only place he felt he could really take a second to breathe and think.
Before he even entered the diner, though, he saw him.
Blaine.
He was sitting at a table by the kitchen, looking much like the first time Kurt saw him. He was in the same cerulean hoodie, his hair curly and unkempt, his jeans loose and unironed. He was hunched over a cup of coffee, stirring slowly but not drinking. He looked like he didn’t even realize he was stirring his cup, but he was so lost in thought that his hands were acting of their own volition.
Kurt’s wings flapped once. He placed his hand with the arrows to the glass window, wishing so much that he could go in there and comfort Blaine. And really, he could, so why didn’t he?
Because Kurt was selfish. He did this. He ruined the good thing he had going with Blaine in a conversation that lasted no more than 5 minutes and was the direct result of his own relentless prying.
He should’ve left things alone, they were fine before he opened his big, prying mouth. This was why Kurt was only allowed to give love, yet never experience it. He didn’t deserve it.
Blaine looked up suddenly and caught his eyes. The sadness Kurt saw there broke his heart.
He dropped his hand from the window and ran.