How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Part 3/6

[glitterandpaws]

Title: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Author: glitterandpaws
Word Count: 34,000
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: Kurt is an up-and-coming fashion designer on the brink of hitting it big, when he’s presented with the possibility of having his newest collection showcased during fashion week. The committee is torn between Kurt and Sebastian for the slot, and Kurt must make someone fall in love with him in ten days order to be in the show, but that’s not the only deal he makes. Meanwhile, Blaine is a successful journalist, writing under the pseudonym Blair for a women’s magazine as their resident how-to “girl” when he’s roped into writing a piece on “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. When Kurt and Blaine find each other, both of their tasks prove harder than they first appeared.

Full author notes at the masterpost



DAY 5

The light of day only served to make things worse. Kurt put his feet into Blaine’s slippers rather than his and there was another tartan abomination draped over his couch. He didn’t know when Blaine had had the chance to put out polar bear, but there it was, head, mouth, teeth and all, rising out of his floor. There was food in the fridge that Kurt didn’t even want to think about (and seriously, when had that even happened?). There was a painting that, judging by the signature, had been painted by Blaine’s completely talentless mother hanging above the table.

By the time Kurt reached work - having received odd looks from the people in his building’s lobby for groaning at his new phone background of Blaine making a ridiculous face at the camera - he was seething.

“What’s up your ass?” Santana said when he walked into the design studio.

“Fuck off.”

“You know, I can walk out of this job at any moment. You’re lucky I’m still here.”

“Coffee!” Brittany shut the door of Kurt’s workroom and handed a cup to Santana. Kurt huffed and grabbed his from her, drinking a large gulp. He had a headache and the day hadn’t even begun. “What’s wrong with Kurt?”

“Boy troubles, Britt. Something we thankfully don’t have to deal with.”

“I wouldn’t call Blaine ‘boy troubles’. It’s like having a schizophrenic puppy that hasn’t had its balls chopped off yet.”

“What did he do?” Santana checked a measurement and started drawing on a piece of fabric.

“Jesus, what didn’t he do?” Kurt grabbed a box of pins and headed to a mannequin. He needed to be doing something violent.

**

He heard Brittany come back in with their lunch and the fabrics he’d sent her for. The click of the heavy studio lock could be heard from the small office off the main space. He listened for a moment longer, hearing something other than Brittany’s normal announcement of her return. There was more than one voice, and the other one definitely wasn’t Santana’s. He stepped out of the office, walking around a couple of mannequins to see who had just walked into his workroom.

“Kurt!” Brittany called with a grin. “I met Blaine on the way in. He’s so nice, Kurt, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I-I did, I thought,” Kurt said. He stared at Blaine, who was standing beside Brittany with a wide smile on his face and a pile of fabrics under one arm.

“Blaine’s going to come over and see Lord Tubbington sometime.” Brittany handed Kurt his daily salad. “You haven’t been to see Lord Tubbington in ages. I think it’s giving him depression, Kurt.”

There was a snort from behind them that Kurt knew came from Santana. He ignored both of them and worked on giving Blaine as winning a smile as he could. Blaine smiled back, dropping the fabrics onto a nearby table and throwing his arms around Kurt’s neck. “Hi, Kurtsie,” he squealed, pressing kisses to every part of Kurt’s face and neck.

Kurt’s breath was almost knocked out of him by the force of it. He patted the back of Blaine’s head gingerly. “Woah, hi. Hello.” He managed to disentangle himself, giving Blaine a quick peck to his lips to placate him. He turned to Brittany and Santana, both of whom were giving him amused looks. Santana looked positively gleeful. “Um, girls, meet Blaine.” He gestured to Blaine, who was sliding his arms around his waist and grinning manically at them. “Blaine, honey, I gather you’ve met Britt. This is Santana.”

She waved her fingers delicately at Blaine. “Pleasure.”

Blaine unwrapped himself from Kurt and stepped across to give each of them a kiss on the hand and a murmured ‘charming’. Kurt had to try not to smile too hard at the ridiculous gesture. Brittany broke out into giggles and even Santana seemed to be holding back a grin. Blaine stepped back into Kurt, leaning against his chest and blinking up at him.

“So, are you going to let me see your designs?”

“Well, um, they’re not really finished yet.”

“Stop being a pussy, Hummel. Come on, Blaine.” Santana grabbed Blaine’s hand and she dragged him to the closest mannequin. “This is the opening piece.”

Blaine’s eyes flicked up and down the outfit. Blair was pinching and prodding him, telling him to say something rude and obnoxious, but he couldn’t. Seeing this, this room - Kurt had worked his fingers to the bone to create these things. He had put everything into them. Blaine couldn’t just tear them apart. “Wow,” he breathed out.

Brittany came up behind him and hooked her pinkie finger around his. “Has Kurt told you the main theme of the collection?”

“No.” Blaine tilted his head back to catch Kurt’s eye. “He hasn’t told me very much at all.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, but he moved towards them. “It’s unisex fashion. I always used to wear women’s sweaters and kilts and things in high school - I still do, sometimes.” He smirked at the way Blaine’s eyebrows raised at the word ‘kilts’. “Fashion has no gender. I’m trying to represent that.” He looked away. “Obviously, you can see that there are a few dresses in the collection, but they couldn’t be avoided. I can’t ignore ideas that come to me. Also, this is the first collection of its kind, so I have to ease people into it. Can’t go all unisex, all at once.”

“That’s.” Blaine swallowed. “That’s one of the most amazing ideas I’ve ever heard.”

Kurt shrugged, trying not to blush too hard as his eyes flicked repeatedly from Blaine’s to the ground. “It’s nothing world-changing.”

“Stop it,” Blaine scolded, stepping away from Santana and Brittany and wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist. “It’s groundbreaking, and it’s wonderful.”

Kurt kissed Blaine’s head, trying not to smile too widely. He caught sight of Santana’s expression and pulled away quickly. “Do you want to see the rest?”

Kurt led Blaine through his whole workroom, around each mannequin to show him the full effect, and explained what each piece was about. Blaine took it all in with rapt attention, nodding enthusiastically at points. He seemed in awe of everything, and it flattered Kurt to say the least.

“And this,” he said, sweeping an arm out, “is my pride and joy. This is the final piece in the collection.” He bit his lip, suddenly feeling the nervousness return. “What do you think?”

Blaine stepped forwards, reaching fingers out to brush across the fabric. “It’s brilliant, of course, but…”

“But?”

“But how about… How about you make it asymmetrical? Look.” Blaine pulled on the fabric, trying to replicate what he was imagining.

Kurt frowned. “Well, it’s really not that kind of piece.”

“No, he’s right,” said Santana, stepping forwards to look at more closely at the effect Blaine was creating. “It’s edgier this way.”

“Edgier isn’t always better, Santana.”

“You told me last week that you wanted to make your designs edgier,” Brittany said.

“I said sharper. Not the same thing.”

“Kurt.” Blaine sighed and stepped back from the mannequin, allowing Santana to step in and pull the fabric up again. “Look, I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I was just making a suggestion. I’m sorry.”

Kurt huffed. He looked at Blaine, then at the mannequin. His eyes trailed over the asymmetrical line Santana was creating. “Oh, god, you’re right.”

“What?”

“You’re right.” He stepped up next to Santana. “Pins.” He held out a hand and Brittany dropped a box into it. He took out pins and started sliding them into the fabric. He took a step back when he was done and started to grin. He reached blindly into the air and Blaine’s hand met his. He squeezed it. “You, good sir, are a genius.”

**

“I’ve been planning something kind of crazy.”

“Oh?”

Blaine clutched the scrapbook a little closer to his chest. “I might have been planning our wedding.” He turned away quickly, unable to look at Kurt’s expression without losing it. He set the scrapbook out on the table, flicking through the pages as he waited for Kurt. The chair beside him creaked and he saw Kurt’s hands reach out for the book. Blaine let him drag it towards himself, waiting for the awkwardness and speech about how this was way too fast. He had needed to bring this out after the frighteningly lovely afternoon at Kurt’s studio; everything had been going far too well. This had to be the straw to Kurt’s back. It had to be.

Kurt snorted. “Is that you in a bright pink tux? Blaine, please, anything but that.”

“It’s fun!” he protested, wondering when things were going to flip.

Kurt continued to flick through, expression falling into disgust as he took in the truly horrible wedding Blaine had planned out for them. “Look… Blaine, this is… this is possibly the worst wedding I have ever seen.” His eyes lifted to Blaine’s and there were distinct nerves in them. “Wait here for one second, okay?”

Blaine nodded. This was it.

Kurt went into his bedroom, returning a minute later with a sketchbook in his arms. It wasn’t his work sketchbook; this was one was a deep navy rather than plain black, with silver detail in the page-side corners. Kurt sat down again, holding onto the book for a second longer, before taking a deep breath and placing it on the table. “I never show things like this to anyone, but… but you showed me yours, so.” He turned the sketchbook so it was facing Blaine and opened the first page. Blaine’s eyes scanned it, widening as he realised what it was.

“This is just a mock-up sketch of the invitation,” Kurt said, a deep blush spreading across his cheeks. He turned through the next few pages, showing photos and cut-outs of buildings, some with accompanying articles, some with Kurt’s notes added to them. “These are some potential locations,” Kurt said, pointing at the circled ones, obviously his favourites. Blaine got a chance to read some of the notes, and allowing for doves seemed to be a factor in more than one of the circled choices.

Kurt took him through the next few pages. “These are ideas for colour schemes. I’m still undecided on this part, really. I wanted t-to ask you, but I didn’t think you’d… Th-these are cakes. Designs and flavours and…” His hand fluttered over the page and Blaine heard his breathing waver. He reached under the table and grabbed Kurt’s other hand, keeping his eyes fixed on the scrapbook as Kurt continued to turn pages, through seasons and menus and even guest lists.

At last, they turned to a section entirely constituting of Kurt’s own drawings. Blaine looked across the figures, some drawn alone, some in pairs, each in a different suit.

“I tried to find colours which would compliment both of us,” Kurt murmured, voice dropping low in fear. “I would… I would give you final say, but I-I really like this one.” He laid a finger on what was clearly a sketch of the two of them, leaning into each other in complementing but not matching suits.

Blaine stared for a few seconds, trying to make his throat work again, but it felt like there was something lodged in it.

“I never show things like this to people I’m dating. I’m not trying to… to assume anything. I just love planning it and I couldn’t stop thinking about ours. Everything just slotted together and I’m so sorry if it’s too much.” Kurt started to close the book. “I can put it away and you can go, I’m sorry-”

“It’s wonderful, Kurt.” Blaine placed his own hand over his, holding the book open with their fingers splayed over the final drawing of the two of them. “I would be - honoured to be a part of this. One day. You-” Blaine lifted his head, eyes meeting Kurt’s for the first time since the book had been opened- “you are so amazing.” He cupped Kurt’s cheek in his palm, drawing their faces closer. “Thank you for showing me.”

Kurt let out a breathy laugh, relief falling out of him in a rush of air. He surged forwards and pressed his lips to Blaine’s.

Blaine was completely himself, Blair held back in tight chains as he lost himself in Kurt’s mouth. He kissed him, heart beating up into his throat as their lips opened up to each other and their tongues tangled together. He tugged Kurt into his lap, eliciting a small yelp. Their lips never parted and Kurt tilted Blaine’s head back, angling his tongue deeper and kissing him harder.

Blaine moaned and suddenly he was lifting them up, laying Kurt out on his back on the table and leaning over him. Kurt gasped as Blaine stepped between his legs, pressing in closer and stretching his torso over Kurt’s, kissing up the side of his neck. Blaine leaned his elbows on the wood either side of Kurt’s head and pulled back. He smiled down at him, eyes roving over Kurt’s swollen lips, flushed cheeks and bright eyes. Kurt grinned back, reaching up to tangle his fingers into the hair at the nape of Blaine’s neck.

A pink corner in Blaine’s peripheral vision caught his eye. His gaze flickered away from Kurt’s face, landing on his own horrendous wedding sketchbook. All at once, reality was back in full force. In five days, Kurt would be out of his life. In seven, his article would be hitting the news stands of New York and although Blair kept Kurt from knowing who he was now, once he read that column it would all become painfully clear.

This was just a job. It was an article. It wasn’t supposed to matter.

He pulled back, stepping away from the table. Kurt sat up, reaching for him.

“Where are you going?” he whined, pouting endearingly.

Blaine looked away. “I think we should stop. I’m… thinking about what you said - about not rushing anything. Th-this feels too fast.”

Kurt took his hand. Blaine couldn’t look at him.

“Okay.” Kurt’s voice was soft and Blaine hated hearing how much Kurt cared about him in his tone. “Whatever you’re comfortable with is fine by me. I’m not expecting anything from you.” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s fingers. “Hey. Blaine, will you please look at me?”

“I should go.”

“Blaine.” Kurt took hold of his chin, forcibly turning Blaine’s gaze to him. He caught the light sparkling off the tears pooled in them. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

The endearment almost broke Blaine, because it was sincere and it made his stomach flip and his heart clench. “Nothing,” he managed to choke out. “I… Look, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

A crease formed between Kurt’s eyebrows. “It’s girl’s night tomorrow night.”

Blaine nodded, eyes flicking across the room, avoiding Kurt’s. “Right. Day after, then. I’ll call you.” He stepped out of Kurt’s arms and Kurt let him go, face set in worry.

He hopped off the table and followed Blaine to the door. Blaine gave him a swift goodbye and tried to escape, but Kurt pulled him in and wrapped him up in his arms, pressing soft kisses to his hairline. “Thank you for today,” he whispered. He gave Blaine a final kiss and let him slip away, trying not to worry when Blaine didn’t even look back.

**

Blaine tilted sideways, falling heavily onto the bed. He was pliant, come-splattered and sated, although his ass felt empty and his thighs were still burning. It was good, though. He turned his head on the pillow.

“That was amazing,” he mumbled drowsily.

Sebastian didn’t look at him, but lit a cigarette with a flourish, settling back into the pillows and blowing out a plume of smoke. “Get out.”

“Wh-what?”

“I’m done with you now. You can go.”

“I…” Blaine stared at his uncaring profile as he tilted his head back, blowing smoke rings like he was born doing it. He scrambled out of the bed, tugging his clothes on as his face burned and he tried not to let anything stick to the drying come on his stomach and thighs. He stumbled out of the door before fat tears started spilling onto his cheeks. He wiped them away and ran, not understanding how it was possible to feel so much like a whore when you hadn’t been paid.

DAY 6

To: Kurt Hummel
I can’t stop thinking about you.

From: Kurt Hummel
I can’t stop thinking about you, either. I’ll see you tomorrow?

To: Kurt Hummel
Of course. What are you doing?

From: Kurt Hummel
Working

To: Kurt Hummel
Mmm working with your hands, you have such great hands. Talented.

To: Kurt Hummel
Wish I could feel them on me.

Blaine span back and forth in his chair, glancing across to Mercedes’ desk to check she wasn’t looking his way. This technically counted as work, but he felt kind of weird doing it in the office.

He’d shrugged off the oppressive sensation yesterday had placed in his chest. He’d loosened Blair’s shackles a little and he was trying to forget, not talking to the girls about it at all. He had a job to do, after all.

From: Kurt Hummel
Really? Where? I’d love to run them through your hair.

To: Kurt Hummel
I was thinking somewhere a little further south

From: Kurt Hummel
Oh, right. I know you really want me to massage your knees. ;)

Blaine laughed out loud. Rachel’s head popped up over the side of his cubicle.

“What are you doing?”

“Just messaging Kurt,” he said, grinning up at her, still stifling giggles.

She frowned and tilted her head at him. “You’re supposed to be driving him away, Blaine.”

He sighed, returning his attention to the phone. “I know, I know. I just… at times I can’t help it.”

She rested her chin on the top of the cubicle wall. “You should be careful, you know.”

“With what?”

She shrugged. “With your heart.” She dropped back into her own chair, leaving Blaine holding his phone with a frown and an unsettled sensation. He shook his head and tapped out a reply, a smile working its way back onto his face.

To: Kurt Hummel
Well, they’ll probably need it when I’m done with you.

From: Kurt Hummel
Are you offering to get on your knees for me?

To: Kurt Hummel
Only if you ask very nicely. ;)

From: Kurt Hummel
Remember when you sucked on my tongue while I was kissing you?

To: Kurt Hummel
Yeah. Why?

From: Kurt Hummel
I couldn’t help thinking about it then.

To: Kurt Hummel
Thinking about what?

From: Kurt Hummel
How your mouth would feel on my cock, sucking like that.

To: Kurt Hummel
Fuck. I want that. God, I want that so bad.

From: Kurt Hummel
Really?

To: Kurt Hummel
Yeah. I keep thinking about it. I kind of… crave it.

Blaine crossed his legs, rolling further under his desk. He hadn’t realised he’d get this deep into it with Kurt. He hadn’t intended to; he had a plan, after all. But Kurt… Kurt was going along with it and Blaine was getting drawn in by how hot it was.

His computer beeped and he looked up, blinking to clear his head. He had a new message on the office system. He clicked on it; a link from Rachel.

What do you think? Should I get these?

He sighed; he opened the link and almost recoiled. “Rachel,” he called out, “those are the most god-awful tights I’ve ever seen. Please, buy anything - anything else but those.”

She popped her head up again. “You really don’t like them?”

“They’re animal patterned, Rachel. There would be small giraffes and hippos all over your legs. Are you serious?”

Mercedes span towards them on her chair. “Rachel, leave Blaine alone. He’s trying to get his sexy on with Kurt and you’re really not helping him.”

Rachel huffed and disappeared. Blaine shot Mercedes a grateful look and she waved him off, returning to her desk. Blaine let his head drop back. The moment was broken now. He had to achieve his purpose, regardless of how much he wanted to keep talking to Kurt like this.

He looked down and read the new message with a sigh. Time to bring on Blair, crazy girl extraordinaire.

From: Kurt Hummel
I want to come in your mouth

To: Kurt Hummel
I keep fantasizing about you.

From: Kurt Hummel
Tell me

To: Kurt Hummel
I want to suck on your ears. God, your pointy little ears.

He didn’t get a new reply for two minutes and tried not to laugh at what he imagined Kurt’s face looked like right now. He grinned and settled into his alter ego. This might not be as sexy, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be fun.

From: Kurt Hummel
What?

To: Kurt Hummel
Because I’m short, you know, like a hobbit and I keep seeing us together, me as a hobbit and you as an elf

To: Kurt Hummel
And you’d suck on my toes and lick the hair on my feet and moan because you’d be so turned on by it

To: Kurt Hummel
And then you’d fuck me slowly, whispering in elvish about how hot I am and how much you want to keep me like this forever

To: Kurt Hummel
And that would be kind of possible because elves are immortal and hobbits have a really long lifespan

To: Kurt Hummel
And you have so much stamina. You can fuck me for hours and hours

To: Kurt Hummel
This is all in the woods

To: Kurt Hummel
Or Rivendell in one of those soft beds or under a waterfall

To: Kurt Hummel
And you’re fucking me and I just start sucking on your ears god the shape they’re all pointy and the tip feels amazing against my tongue

To: Kurt Hummel
I’m so hard right now

From: Kurt Hummel
Sorry, I have to go to a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow.

To: Kurt Hummel
Until daybreak, my elven prince.

**

Blaine didn’t know when the benches of the Botanic Garden had become a place he went with the girls, but that’s what they were. They rarely ventured from their wooden seat, but they had managed to get Blaine to allow them this far into his personal headspace.

(“You can’t claim a whole garden, Blaine. It’s public. We have rights, you know, and just because we’re female, doesn’t make us any less entitled to them. I thought that as a journalist writing under a female pseudonym, you would understand the nuances of oppression and not condone them as you currently seem to be doing…”)

Okay, so maybe Blaine had some idea how it had happened.

“I don’t think I’m doing enough.” He shifted Rachel’s legs where they were draped across his lap and took a bite of his sandwich.

“Are you being clingy?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “If I cling any harder I won’t be able to let go. I’m whiney, needy, baby-talking, inappropriately horny-”

Mercedes snorted into her salad.

“Shut up. I sexted him about a Lord of the Rings fantasy a few hours ago.”

“Oh my god, is that what you were doing?” Rachel sat up a little. “No wonder you were laughing so hard. Is he still willing to see you?”

“I told him I’d see him tomorrow and he didn’t object. I mean, he didn’t reply, but that means he didn’t say no.”

“Have you talked about all the weird places you have body hair?” Mercedes asked.

“Um… I wasn’t aware that I had abnormal patches of body hair?”

“Well, you’ve got this animal thing going on here,” Rachel teased, fluffing his curls. Blaine slapped her hand away. “Fine,” she said. “Tell him about that time you had a sex marathon. Or just talk about the great sex you had with other guys.”

“Ooh, you should call him up in the middle of the night and tell him everything you had to eat that day.”

“It’s not enough.” Blaine shook his head. “Kurt’s tough. I give him crazy and he bounces back sweet. I don’t know where to go with him and I need more ideas by tomorrow.”

“Why not tonight?” Rachel asked, slipping her legs off Blaine’s lap.

“He’s busy. It’s girl’s night.”

“Your boyfriend is having a girl’s night?” Mercedes raised her eyebrows at him.

“It’s tradition. They have one every week.”

Rachel leaned her head on his shoulder, gazing up at him. “They did have one every week. But now there’s another boy in Kurt’s life, and you know what that boy is going to do?”

“Rachel-”

“That boy - no, man. Definitely all man.” (Mercedes snorted.) “That man is not going to sit at home while his boyfriend paints a girl’s nails. No, no. He has much better places to be.”

**

Blaine could hear the chink of glasses on the other side of the wood, followed by a peal of laughter. They were having a good time, he could tell. He almost felt bad for ruining it.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside. “Kurtsie, I’m home!” He kicked the door shut behind him and went to dump the stuff he’d brought in the kitchen. He stepped back into the living room to find four shocked faces staring at him.

“Blaine, hi. How… Where did you get a key?”

“Oh, your super made me one,” Blaine said brightly. “Nice lady. I kept catching her staring at my ass, though, so.” It wasn’t even a lie.

Someone snorted and, looking around, Blaine realised it was Santana. He grinned at her.

“Blaine, you’ve met some of my girls.” Kurt, who was being positively stoical in the face of this terrifying new development, pointed a hand to each of them in turn as Blaine gripped his shoulders, smiling at them. “You know Santana, my seamstress and Brittany, my assistant and all-round amazing girl. And this is Quinn, my publicist. They’re my little Unholy Trinity.”

Blaine chuckled, and then leaned down to stage whisper in Kurt’s ear. “I really don’t think they’re as bitchy as you said.” He hugged Kurt’s shoulders and pressed a wet kiss to his ear before dashing to the kitchen, returning a moment later with boxes in hand. “I brought pizza!”

“Blaine, we already have food. Much healthier food, might I add.” Kurt watched with distaste as Blaine flipped open the lids on a margherita and a pepperoni. His heart sank when all three of the girls immediately reached for a piece. People would never learn.

“Come on, Kurt, stop being such a spoil sport.” Blaine grabbed a slice and carried it over to Kurt where he was sitting on the couch. He perched on his lap. “Open.”

Kurt glared at him, but Blaine just kept grinning. Kurt opened his mouth and immediately the tip of the slice was pushed inside. He bit into it begrudgingly, ignoring how good it actually tasted.

“Good boy,” Blaine hummed, kissing Kurt’s forehead and leaving the piece dangling from his mouth as he hopped off him. Kurt had to scramble quickly to stop pieces of pepperoni from dropping into his lap. Blaine wandered around the room, pushing things around, before stopping in front of the shelf. “Oh.”

“What is it?” Quinn said, looking over at his sound of shock.

Blaine reached up, lifting the love fern down from the shelf. “Wow, Kurt, you’ve kept it really well. It’s… well, it’s thriving.”

Brittany giggled at him and Blaine flashed her a grin. Kurt shrugged. “I couldn’t just let it die.”

Blaine smiled down at the plant, then placed it back on the shelf. “I’m glad. Have you talked to the doctor yet?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Quinn asked sharply, head snapping towards Kurt.

“Nothing, I don’t know what Blaine’s talking about.”

“Oh, Kurtsie, I told you, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Blaine sighed and settled back on Kurt’s lap, wiggling his ass against Kurt’s crotch.

“Blaine, you’re not talking about-”

“I think it’s perfectly fine to tell your friends you have a problem with-”

“Shut up. No. We’ve been through this.”

“Kurt,” Brittany said, sounding shocked. “Why would you talk to Blaine like that?”

“Because he’s being stupid, Britt.”

“Hey,” Santana said, glaring at Kurt.

Blaine was pulling away, shoulders hunched and arms crossing over his chest as he stood up. “Why are you acting like this?” he hissed. “You’re embarrassing me in front of your friends.”

“Oh, because you weren’t about to embarrass me?”

“If you didn’t want to talk about it you could have just said so.”

“I thought that was what I was doing.”

“Blaine, what else did you bring with you?” Quinn asked. “I thought I saw more than pizza boxes under your arm.”

Blaine turned to her, floundering for a moment. “What? Oh. Yeah. I’ll be back in a second.” He escaped to the kitchen once more, leaning back against the counter, letting out a heavy breath. He allowed himself a moment of silent laughter. Kurt’s friends defending him was just perfect.

He straightened up and shook himself out, grabbing the bottles of beer he’d brought with him. As he carried them out to the living room, he caught the tail end of what was being said.

“I really think you’re being a bit hard on him, Kurt. He seems sweet.”

“‘Seems’ being the key word. He’s bi-polar as hell. It’s like he’s fucking insane, I’m serious. I’m starting to wonder if he has some sort of syndrome.”

Blaine knew Quinn had seen him. Her eyes went wide and she reached out to squeeze Kurt’s knee, glancing significantly over his shoulder. Kurt twisted around.

“Blaine…”

The fake rage was settling over Blaine’s body, making his brows lower and the bottles chink together as his hands shook. “Are you trying to imply that I am some -” he had a moment of indecision, then clutched the bottles harder in his hands, making them clank together - “kind.” He flung a bottle onto the ground and it smashed, glass and beer flying across the floor. “Of.” Two bottles this time. “Mental person?” He screamed and threw the last two at the wall.

Kurt was scrambling over the back of the couch, leaving the girls flinching and staring wide-eyed at the beer dripping down the paintwork. “Blaine.”

“No!” Blaine stepped back. “I can’t be with you if you’re going to think that about me. I won’t do it.” He stormed to the door, wrenching it open and stepping out. He made it to the elevator before Kurt was pounding after him, spinning him around.

“Blaine, what is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? My boyfriend’s a dick, that’s what’s wrong with me!”

“Just…” Kurt growled and ran a hand through his hair. “What happened? What went wrong? What happened to that guy who let me feed him sushi and told me I was beautiful? I don’t see him any more. You’ve become some other person I just don’t know how to deal with.”

“So you do think I have a mental condition?” Blaine shrugged Kurt’s hands off his arms, stepping into the elevator as it dinged and the doors opened.

“You tell me. Tell me what happened that made you become this person.” The doors began to close and Kurt slammed a hand to one, holding them.

“Nothing changed, Kurt. I am who I am and if you can’t accept me then we just can’t be together.”

Kurt stared at him for a moment, fingers flexing on the door. “Fine.”

“Fine.”

He sighed and raised his hands above his head, letting the doors slide shut. He watched Blaine’s face all the while, right up until it was just the doors staring back. “Fine. We’re done.” He stepped back into his apartment. His eyes were drawn immediately to the splash painting of beer across his wall.

“What did you just do?”

He suddenly had Santana right in his face, Quinn and Brittany hovering just behind her with worried expressions. Santana slapped his shoulder.

“Are you insane? You only have a few more days, Kurt! You’re giving up a career because you can’t handle one guy?”

“Did you not see that?” Kurt pointed at his wall. “He’s crazy! He’s all over the place and I can’t deal with it!”

“Oh, find your balls, Hummel.”

“Kurt.” Quinn stepped forwards, placing a hand gently on his arm. “You know how important this is. Can’t you just try?” She looked up at him with beseeching eyes and Kurt slumped.

“I’ve ruined it.”

“No.” Quinn shook her head and stepped a little closer, carefully pushing Santana back a bit. “There’s still hope. You can… You can get couple’s therapy.” She raised her eyebrows in question.

Santana snorted. “Sitting with some shrink talking about his sex life isn’t going to make him any better, Quinn.”

“I think couple’s therapy sounds like a nice idea.” Brittany stepped forwards and slipped a placating arm around Santana’s waist. “Blaine would like it.”

Kurt laughed a little. “Yeah. Yeah, he would.”

“Move, then,” Santana said with a shove to his shoulder. “Go catch him.”

They all started pushing him out of the door and Kurt stumbled down the hallway. He looked at the elevator, then headed for the stairwell. He flew down flights of stairs, jumping the last few, and burst into the lobby just as the elevator dinged. “Blaine!” he called as he stepped out. Blaine jumped, looking up at him in shock.

“Kurt, what-”

“Couple’s therapy.”

“What?”

“Blaine.” Kurt reached him, grabbing Blaine’s biceps. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, please give me another chance. I don’t want to be without you.”

“Kurt-”

“Couple’s therapy. We can talk through our problems, get everything ironed out. How about it?” He bit his lip. “Please.”

Blaine stared up at him for a moment, head moving infinitesimally from side to side. “Couple’s…”

“Therapy. Couple’s therapy.”

“Right. Okay.”

“Yes? I’ll book us an appointment-”

“No, no.” Blaine shook his head more forcefully this time. “I know someone who’ll work wonders with someone like you, Kurt.”

“Great.” Kurt nodded. “Anything. I need that.”

Blaine stepped back, delicately removing Kurt’s hands from his arms. “I’ll book an emergency appointment for tomorrow.”

“Thank you. Thank you for understanding.”

Blaine nodded. He proffered his cheek. “Kiss.” Kurt kissed it. Blaine fixed Kurt with a firm stare. “I love you, Kurtsie. But I don’t have to like you right now.” He swung around and flounced to the exit, lifting his hand in reply to Kurt’s final call of thanks. He made it out of the building and all the way onto a subway carriage before he stopped, fell into a seat, and stared aghast at the rumbling floor.

What?

DAY 7

“I want this to work,” Blaine cooed, rearranging Kurt’s tie as they paused outside the door. “You’re going to have to let down a few of those walls you have, honey. She needs to really…” He pulled hard on Kurt’s cardigan, making him sway. “Understand you. You’re beautiful inside, under all the anger you have sitting on the surface and she needs to see that if she’s going to help us.”

Kurt just nodded, glancing at the door. Blaine turned to it, rapping sharply. There was the sound of footsteps and very quickly the door swung open to reveal Rachel, peering up at them with her eyes framed by overly large glasses. She was wearing some hideous white shift that made her look a bit like a Bedlam patient.

Blaine stared at her for a moment, lost for what to say in the face of her insane get-up, but finally found his voice. “Dr Berry, so good to see you.”

“Blaine,” she simpered. “Kurt. Do come in.” She gave a wide sweeping gesture for them to enter. Kurt picked his way past her, eyes roving across her form before gliding over the excessive levels of pink and fluff the apartment was suffocating in. Blaine wanted to laugh at Kurt’s expression, but he just gave Rachel a raised eyebrow behind his back. She grinned at him.

They sat in Rachel’s living area. It was a place Blaine had been so many times before, and he had certainly been analysed in it before, but it had never been quite like this. He and Kurt accepted Rachel’s cups of herbal tea (“to calm the nerves and open the mind and soul”). Kurt was putting on a forced expression of pleasure which, once he had sipped the liquid himself, Blaine completely sympathised with.

“So,” Rachel said. She slowly crossed one leg over the other and hooked her joined hands over her knees, appraising them through her oversized frames. “Before we can begin, I do need to ask how you intend to pay for this session.”

Blaine looked to Kurt. “Honey?”

Kurt paused for a second. Then: “Sure. Of course. How much is it?”

“Three hundred dollars.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Three hundred dollars,” Rachel repeated, the picture of calm.

“Well… Right.” Kurt pulled his chequebook from inside his jacket. He squeezed Blaine’s hand before writing out the cheque. “Whatever it takes, right?”

Blaine grinned and kissed his shoulder. “Whatever it takes.”

“Now, you two have been together for a week, is that correct?” Rachel’s voice had the edge of someone who didn’t understand animals speaking to a horse. Kurt kind of wanted to shove her down a flight of stairs.

“Seven days today,” Blaine replied, bumping his shoulder against Kurt’s.

“So is this a sexual problem, or an emotional one?”

“Emotional.”

“Both.”

“Blaine, we don’t have any sexual problems. We haven’t had sex.”

“I would call that a problem.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise not jumping into bed with people straight away was a bad thing.”

Blaine gasped, turning to Rachel with an appalled expression. “Did you hear that tone?”

“Kurt.” Rachel leaned forwards. “I’m getting the impression that you just called Blaine a slut.”

“No, no, that’s not what I-”

She held up a finger. “I am sensing an underlying issue here. Kurt, have you ever had sex?”

“Did you just ask if I was a virgin?”

“Oh, wow,” Blaine said. “That’s serious. I think you should have told me that, Kurt.”

“I’m not a virgin!”

“There’s no need to shout,” Rachel soothed. “Okay, so you have had lots of sex?”

“Sex maniac,” Blaine shot out. Rachel nodded sadly.

“Woah, woah, so I went from blushing virgin to sex-crazed whore in two seconds? For fuck’s sake, find some middle ground.”

Rachel raised her hands. “There’s no need for language like that. You need to calm down. Breathe deeply for me.” Kurt glared at her, but he took a comically large breath in. “Now let it out.”

He blew all the breath out, letting his shoulders drop. “I just want to clear up that I am neither virgin nor sex maniac.”

“Okay.” Rachel patted his hand. “There will be another explanation.” She thought for a second. “There are a lot of gay men in the fashion industry, am I correct?”

“Yeah.”

Blaine tried to catch Rachel’s eye because he had no idea where she was going with that question, but she was staring resolutely at Kurt.

“So would you say that the stereotype has pressured you into being gay?”

“What?”

“I have two gay dads, so you don’t need to worry about homophobia from me. I just want to establish how you took on this persona of being gay. If you’re not interested in having sex with men, you can’t force yourself into it.”

Blaine stroked Kurt’s forearm. “You can tell the truth, Kurt. I can handle it.”

Kurt gaped at both of them. He shook his head. “I like cock. Can we just accept that and move on?”

“Kurt,” Rachel said.

“No. No, no, no. I like cock. I like dicks, and assholes, and balls-”

“Kurt,” Blaine hissed. “I really don’t think this is appropriate.”

“So you’re gay,” Rachel surmised loudly, breaking them apart.

“Definitely.”

“Kurt, are you ashamed of Blaine?”

“Of course he is,” Blaine blurted without a moment’s thought.

“No,” Kurt broke in. He turned Blaine’s face to him. “You know that’s not true.”

Blaine took in Kurt’s earnest expression and realised what he was thinking of. “Are you sure?”

“Blaine, I’ve told you, I will never be ashamed of you. Please believe me.”

Blaine’s mouth opened, closed; opened again. He nodded and turned away. They were supposed to be having a fake therapy session, not real moments of connection.

Rachel was watching them curiously. Blaine widened his eyes at her to push her back into character. She sat up, eyes still flicking between him and Kurt, who was watching Blaine’s profile and stroking his thumb across Blaine’s hand.

“Do you two feel that you know each other?”

“Yes,” Kurt replied. “I know more about Blaine than you would believe possible in a week.”

Blaine couldn’t tell whether he was being serious or not. He shot a look at Rachel, who tried to shrug subtly. “Well, I wouldn’t agree. Not on my part, at least.”

“What are you talking about?” Kurt tilted his head towards Blaine.

“I tell you all sorts of things about myself, but I barely get anything back. I don’t even know where you come from! I know nothing about your family, your childhood, nothing.”

“You never asked, Blaine. You want to know about my family? I’ll tell you everything. You can come and meet them if you want to. We can drive down to Stoughton, spend the weekend with them.”

Rachel clapped her hands together and they both jumped. “Now that is a positive idea, Kurt. How about it, Blaine?”

Blaine just stared at her. “What?”

“Would you like to go to Stoughton?”

Part 4