It must be your skin...
I think I'm going into a low point in my life. Not with everything though. I am disgusted at myself. I don't want to even look at myself in the mirror anymore, well at least not my body. I'm gaining weight back, and everytime I eat I feel like a failure. I don't like feeling that way. I want to be happy with myself but I'm not. I don't remember being thin. Though I use to be. But right when I realized that weight was an issue in this world I never saw me as thin. I always just saw fat, a distorted image of what I really am. For a while I would puke up what I ate, I also stopped eating for a few months to lose weight. That worked. And now my craving to starve again is tempting.
Also, me and Jay are arguing alot lately, and i hate it. But things get very one sided. For example, when he's in his bad mood, and I try to be fun and flirty, he gets pissy and tells me to stop because hes not in the mood. But when I get in a bad mood and he does something continuously and I say stop it or I snap because he just wont listen, he gets angry and tells me to chill out or he gets angry at me. Like I'm not allowed to be upset or angry or not in the mood for things. It upsets me. I want things to work out between us. It just can't be so one sided. I always try to be nice and listen and I care deeply but yet he still says that I'm being mean or he says be nice. I can't possibly be any more nice, its not humanly possible! I love him but hes hurting me. I'm not saying I'm a perfect saint and I'm the best girlfriend ever, but I'm pretty damn good. Well at least I think so. Whatever. I hope things can be ok.
Maybe I should just play betty crocker and cut myself up like a christmas ham. But I guess I can't really do that because my mom wont let me have knives anymore. So slit my wrists and black my eyes
Also, me and Jay are arguing alot lately, and i hate it. But things get very one sided. For example, when he's in his bad mood, and I try to be fun and flirty, he gets pissy and tells me to stop because hes not in the mood. But when I get in a bad mood and he does something continuously and I say stop it or I snap because he just wont listen, he gets angry and tells me to chill out or he gets angry at me. Like I'm not allowed to be upset or angry or not in the mood for things. It upsets me. I want things to work out between us. It just can't be so one sided. I always try to be nice and listen and I care deeply but yet he still says that I'm being mean or he says be nice. I can't possibly be any more nice, its not humanly possible! I love him but hes hurting me. I'm not saying I'm a perfect saint and I'm the best girlfriend ever, but I'm pretty damn good. Well at least I think so. Whatever. I hope things can be ok.
Maybe I should just play betty crocker and cut myself up like a christmas ham. But I guess I can't really do that because my mom wont let me have knives anymore. So slit my wrists and black my eyes