Update-!
It's been six weeks since I last updated. Huh.
I'm no longer sick. I found out one of my closest friends came out of the closet, and considering I've been fooling around with him for line 9 months, I was overjoyed. We'd been talking at least every other day for a while and he was gonna come spend thanksgiving break at my house.
He came back, we hung, it was awesome. I had missed him.
I found out the first night that he had a boyfriend back in Michigan. He wasn't planning on telling me- I found out by being nosy and looking at his new phone (he did tell me I could).
It killed me. I pretended it didn't. We went back and crashed at my house, he was flirting just as much as before. An old fling I can't believe I once liked texted me, compounding the problem.
The second day we were still hanging out. I spent a few hours with just Emily while he ran errands, I felt better. Seeing him again made it stop. We went back to my house, planning to nap before hitting the last showing of our old high school's musical. He continued flirting, I gave in. He cheated on his boyfriend. I initiated it.
Guilt killed my stomach, but I shrugged and kept going. We split up that night, I'll see him again tomorrow. I have to talk to him, but I don't know what'll end up being said or done.
I don't wanna lose him.
My reaction to guilt is to hurt myself. I picked up a pack of cigarettes because I'm eighteen, I can, it's not like I haven't smoked before, and it's better than cutting myself.
Hope this weekend ends well. I'll try to write up a conclusion.
I'm no longer sick. I found out one of my closest friends came out of the closet, and considering I've been fooling around with him for line 9 months, I was overjoyed. We'd been talking at least every other day for a while and he was gonna come spend thanksgiving break at my house.
He came back, we hung, it was awesome. I had missed him.
I found out the first night that he had a boyfriend back in Michigan. He wasn't planning on telling me- I found out by being nosy and looking at his new phone (he did tell me I could).
It killed me. I pretended it didn't. We went back and crashed at my house, he was flirting just as much as before. An old fling I can't believe I once liked texted me, compounding the problem.
The second day we were still hanging out. I spent a few hours with just Emily while he ran errands, I felt better. Seeing him again made it stop. We went back to my house, planning to nap before hitting the last showing of our old high school's musical. He continued flirting, I gave in. He cheated on his boyfriend. I initiated it.
Guilt killed my stomach, but I shrugged and kept going. We split up that night, I'll see him again tomorrow. I have to talk to him, but I don't know what'll end up being said or done.
I don't wanna lose him.
My reaction to guilt is to hurt myself. I picked up a pack of cigarettes because I'm eighteen, I can, it's not like I haven't smoked before, and it's better than cutting myself.
Hope this weekend ends well. I'll try to write up a conclusion.