Historic visions of the present
It's funny that this time of the year is normally one for reflecting on the past year and even things that happened in the years past. This year, the mood hasn't struck me, as yet, but others have prompted a few little reminiscings.
I had a lovely two-and-fro set of mails with a good friend, well, a best friend. I hate classifying friends like that and yet there seems to be a definite difference between the levels of friendship in my life. How can I say best friend when I have more than one, eh? It's putting a name to a feeling and that just never does it justice. So, a quick category check:
I have my friends, the people I hang around with and enjoy the company of.
I have my good friends, the friends I can depend on through thick and thin. The heavily trusted and trusting. The late-nighters, the joy-bringers, the ones who will always be there.
And then I have my best friends. These are the people who understand me, who's presence fills me with unabounding happiness and who I never want to be too far away from me.
Anyway, faffing! Avoiding topics, etc, etc. The mails! I was reminded of a couple of lovely, intimate memories from when I was back in Belfast, running through some very interesting years with the best people I'd known. Only some of them have filtered through to my everyday life and for that, I am truly grateful. Then chatting to a friend last night, someone who is always glad to see me and whom I'm always glad to see, I was reminded of friends I have lost over the years. Some who just dropped off the radar due to distance and time, others who have fallen out with me or vice-verca. It's rather a shame but, you know, that was one of the things about these recent thoughts that made it less like reminiscing on the past and more about what's happening here and now.
I don't care!
Most of you won't understand how radical a standpoint that is for me. Let me explain: I care about everything! EVERYTHING!!! I analyse every situation in minutae and continually self-analyse myself. I worry about upsetting even people who I don't particularly know or like, so multiply that by several factors for those I do. So this is a big deal, letting go of it all. Knowing that the people that I have around me right now, the friends who have stuck by me and don't let go just because they've changed or I've changed or the world in which we live in has changed.
It's tough, looking back on many years devoted to these friendships, I have no regrets. I really thought I would. But they've made me the person I am, the person my friends like. The person I'm liking being. I'm not the best that I can be, I have lots of flaws and foibles that I'd sure need a little polishing but my friends have confirmed something for me. If they can tell me I'm a great person, if they actively enjoy spending time with me, taking time out just to be with me. If they do all this, just because of who I am now, I can't be half bad at all.
What a revelation!! Not going by my own, normally harsh opinion of me but instead, looking at the people I aspire to please. And seeing, reflected in their eyes, someone I quite like.
I had a lovely two-and-fro set of mails with a good friend, well, a best friend. I hate classifying friends like that and yet there seems to be a definite difference between the levels of friendship in my life. How can I say best friend when I have more than one, eh? It's putting a name to a feeling and that just never does it justice. So, a quick category check:
I have my friends, the people I hang around with and enjoy the company of.
I have my good friends, the friends I can depend on through thick and thin. The heavily trusted and trusting. The late-nighters, the joy-bringers, the ones who will always be there.
And then I have my best friends. These are the people who understand me, who's presence fills me with unabounding happiness and who I never want to be too far away from me.
Anyway, faffing! Avoiding topics, etc, etc. The mails! I was reminded of a couple of lovely, intimate memories from when I was back in Belfast, running through some very interesting years with the best people I'd known. Only some of them have filtered through to my everyday life and for that, I am truly grateful. Then chatting to a friend last night, someone who is always glad to see me and whom I'm always glad to see, I was reminded of friends I have lost over the years. Some who just dropped off the radar due to distance and time, others who have fallen out with me or vice-verca. It's rather a shame but, you know, that was one of the things about these recent thoughts that made it less like reminiscing on the past and more about what's happening here and now.
I don't care!
Most of you won't understand how radical a standpoint that is for me. Let me explain: I care about everything! EVERYTHING!!! I analyse every situation in minutae and continually self-analyse myself. I worry about upsetting even people who I don't particularly know or like, so multiply that by several factors for those I do. So this is a big deal, letting go of it all. Knowing that the people that I have around me right now, the friends who have stuck by me and don't let go just because they've changed or I've changed or the world in which we live in has changed.
It's tough, looking back on many years devoted to these friendships, I have no regrets. I really thought I would. But they've made me the person I am, the person my friends like. The person I'm liking being. I'm not the best that I can be, I have lots of flaws and foibles that I'd sure need a little polishing but my friends have confirmed something for me. If they can tell me I'm a great person, if they actively enjoy spending time with me, taking time out just to be with me. If they do all this, just because of who I am now, I can't be half bad at all.
What a revelation!! Not going by my own, normally harsh opinion of me but instead, looking at the people I aspire to please. And seeing, reflected in their eyes, someone I quite like.