Nowhere But Up [for preferthemoss]
Title: Nowhere But Up
Author: tooursavior
Recipient: preferthemoss
Rating: NC-17
Words: 8685
Pairing(s): Max Adler/Darren Criss, with a very quiet side of background Lea Michele/Dianna Agron.
Summary: "You and Max." Chris folds his arms and says, "I haven't ever really had a boyfriend, but - I know what crushing madly on someone looks like." // Darren doesn't even realise it when it happens. It just does, and there's not a thing he can do about it.
Warnings: Sexual content.
Notes: This doesn't have as much language and content as I think would've been wanted, but this monster ran away from me. I hope it's still good enough.
Mods, I wasn't sure how to do the participant tag? D: But I was too eager and wanted to get this posted. So. Sorry since I've probably done it wrong. ._. Here we go!
---
It's too early to be awake, but they're too filled with electricity to sleep. They did for a while; an easy slumber born from sheer exhaustion, emotional and otherwise. But they're awake again now, with the first rays of dawn casting orange light through Max's curtains and across the bed.
They lie on their sides, facing eachother, the sheets self-consciously pulled up past their waists. Darren buries his face into his pillow as much as he can whilst still observing Max, who contentedly lies with his arm beneath his head.
"You okay?" Max whispers, and it breaks through the thick silence gently. Like a fish gliding through water, Darren thinks. Or something really, really cheesy like that.
"Peachy," Darren murmurs back, smiling.
Max props himself up and leans over, kissing Darren softly. "Peachy," he echoes.
~*~
Max and Darren aren't entirely sure how they wound up standing alone together by the table, but here they are, somewhat silent and vaguely tense in the awkward phase that is we just met.
Darren's too stoked to be here, at a cast party, to let this awkwardness continue on for too long, so he carefully watches Max whilst making the decision - and then he does it, placing down his plastic glass of fruit punch and reaching into his jacket.
He produces the little blue packet and tears it open, pulling out a strand of the red candy and shoving it between his teeth. Around the candy, he offers the packet to Max, "Red Vines?"
Max stares at him for a second then a grin breaks across his face and he says, "Sure," taking one from the packet and tugging off a piece with his teeth. "Darren, right?" He nods in response and Max continues, biting off bits of the candy between sentences, "I've heard of you, but I haven't seen your Harry Potter musical thing. But I know Chris has, he talks about how he giggles at some parts in the Potter movies now thanks to it, y'know, stuff that's normally serious."
Darren grins politely, but scoffs quietly on the inside. Sure. Like Chris Colfer has seen A Very Potter Musical. That is definitely something being said just to be nice. Darren hadn't expected them to know who he was at all though, so if Max and Chris - and anyone else on the cast, for that matter - have heard of him even if they haven't seen Eastwick or AVPM or anything, that's way awesome enough.
"You're Max Adler," Darren says, a lot less questioning than the other man had been. Max tilts his head and Darren babbles on, "Slushie Karofsky!" He gestures his hands wildly, clutching the packet of Red Vines, "It kind of sucks that Blaine is at an entirely different school because I'd love to get slushied by you, just to feel part of it, you know?" Okay, so maybe it hasn't quite sunk in that Darren is finally on Glee, and he's just really excited, and he doesn't really totally want to be slushied. But he's kind of said it now.
Max raises an eyebrow at him. "It could definitely be arranged," he teases, breaking into a far friendlier grin. "Although it is a real slushie, you know, so it'd hurt like hell..."
Darren manages to keep smiling but he slowly shakes his head. "You know, maybe not after all..."
~*~
"Hey man," Max murmurs as Darren slides into the seat next to him. "Ready to get your Counsellor Blaine on?"
"As I'll ever be," he mutters back, fishing his script from his tote bag.
"Need me to hold your hand?" Max deadpans, and Darren turns his head very slowly to look at him, and when he clocks that yes, Max is joking, Darren elbows him softly.
"Hey," Chris says, pulling himself into the seat opposite Max. He sucks in a deep, almost nervous breath. "Curveball, right?"
"Massive curveball," Max agrees, forehead knitting a little, and Darren looks perplexed until Max says, "The kiss."
The rest of the cast slowly floods in, with Ryan, Ian and Brad coming in last. Brad takes the helm of this particular script reading, being as it was he who had written the episode. Ryan chips in his opinion that it's a really important episode, with the development of Karofsky and the appearance of Blaine. Darren's chest swells a little bit from excitement and pride that he gets to be a part of this, this wonderful anti-bullying storyline.
"Alright, go," somebody says, but Darren is too busy staring down at his script in wonder to know who. "Season Two, Episode Six - Never Been Kissed."
They run through the episode at a steady pace, pausing to discuss the way the scenes will look, to make suggestions and minor alterations when something doesn't work as well read aloud as it does on paper. Brad tuts and circles things in red pen, makes adaptations to the script and instructs the relevant people to do the same. It's half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes before they reach the first scene that Darren - that Blaine - appears in.
"My name is Blaine," Darren reads, looking across the table at Chris. Chris is impeccably in character, despite his ordinary, non-designer labels he is every inch Kurt right now, in his posture and expression and even the way he speaks. An impeccable, professional actor. No wonder people are whispering that he'll win awards before he turns twenty-one. Darren hopes he comes off the same - as Blaine rather than himself, but there's no way of telling right now. He just goes through it and hopes.
"... Kurt. So what exactly is going on?"
"The Warblers," Darren responds, pulling out the pleased grin he imagines Blaine would wear. His singing, his Glee club, takes down the school when they set up performances. Who wouldn't be immensely proud of that? "Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons." Tilting his head, trying not to let Blaine turn from proud to irritatingly smug, "Tends to shut the school down for a while..."
They continue to skim through and Darren basks in observing the other actors in their roles. He pays particular attention to the curveball, as Chris, tense and upright in character snaps across the table at Max, "I am talking to you!"
Dismissively, Max - Karofsky - responds, "Girls locker room's next door."
The strength of the scene surprises all of them, even without the kiss actually being acted out. Darren leans back in his chair to watch Max as he, with less passion than Darren imagines to be in the scene (but even Darren knows that it's pointless to exert yourself on a script reading), rises through anger to frustration.
Max, Darren realizes, is an amazing actor. When the scene comes to an end, he still stares at Max, still in character, face still tense. He doesn't relax until somebody claps - Darren doesn't know who - and one of the writers declares well done and that they should take a break.
"Intense," Darren comments quietly, in awe, as everyone starts to get up.
Max glances at him, confused, then it clicks and he says, "Right, yeah. My head is gonna hurt when we film that. A scene like that, I'm gonna go ahead and guess about fifteen takes, minimum, to get it perfect?" Darren nods. "Yelling and getting angry and then kissing Chris fifteen times in a row is definitely gonna leave me with a major headache," he huffs out a laugh.
Darren stands up and says, "Want coffee?"
Max blinks at him slowly, contemplating, then nods. "Good idea. I'll come with you."
The pair of them are last to leave the room, and Max suggests as they make their way through the building, "We should skip out and go to the nearest Starbucks. The coffee here is like slop. That's okay for Ryan, since he runs on anything with high quantities of caffeine, and Chris is fine since he doesn't drink it since he lives on diet Coke, but that stuff isn't for normal human consumption."
Darren snorts, laughing, covering his face, "We should definitely skip then."
"I'll drive. I don't want to make you laugh and crash and kill us and cut this season of Glee off early," Max pauses and adds, in an impeccable Rachel Berry tone, "or worse, we could get replaced."
"That's creepy," Darren tells Max flatly, "Please never use that voice again." Max chuckles and shrugs. Darren eyes him, and complains, "What even gives you the idea that I would crash? I have impeccable balance and fabulous dance moves." He spins to emphasize his point and walks carefully backwards, "I think I can handle driving."
Max laughs loudly and yanks Darren close just before he can walk into someone. Still holding his arm, Max raises one eyebrow. "You were saying?"
Darren puts a hand on his hip and says, "As if you could make me laugh that much anyway." Max's other eyebrow goes up and Darren tries his hardest to keep a straight face, but he can't. A fantastically feminine giggle bursts through and Max cracks up, slapping Darren lightly on the shoulder.
"Walk. Go."
~*~
The kiss scene is ten times more powerful when Max and Chris are giving it their all. Darren watches from beyond the cameras. It's not a very good view, with half the production team in the way, but he can just about see, and he can hear fine.
He arrives there towards the end of the filming, with Chris and Max looking more and more exhausted between takes, but they hold up on the acting front. Finally, after one last slam of Max's arms into the locker before he storms away, one last shot of Chris looking terrified with a hand to his mouth, somebody yells that they got it.
Max breaks into a grin, relieved, and unexplainably, Darren does too. He claps to himself and then clasps his hands together, watching Max. He's found himself inexplicably drawn to just observe the taller man ever since they met, really. Max is striking. He's also a very good, very fast friend, and Darren is glad that Max doesn't seem to see Darren's habit of lurking as creepy. He has a feeling it would suck to drive Max away.
The idea of it alone leaves Darren with unsettling twists in his stomach, but then again, when they're just hanging out together, Darren gets twists in his stomach anyway. They're nicer ones, though. He doesn't think much of the feelings, even though he hasn't really had them before in regards to friends - he's still so undeniably excited and enthusiastic to be working on Glee that he's pretty certain it's normal that talking to, being friends with, a few of the stars makes his heart skip beats.
He straightens up as Max spots him and makes a beeline, greeting him warmly, "Darren! You okay, man?"
"I'm great," Darren responds, and says, "What about you? How's your heart doing after filming that?"
"I have thousands of emotions, but my heart is fine," Max answers, laughing, massaging the palm of one of his hands with the fingers of the other. "My hands? That's a whole 'nother story. Slapping lockers hurts."
"N'aw," Darren mocks good-naturedly, "Poor baby."
Playfully, Max bunches his fists and bumps Darren's shoulder. "I've still got some strength left, you know."
Darren puts up his fists, "Try me." He lowers them after a second, dropping the jokes, looking past Max to where Chris is conversing quietly with Ryan. "How's he doing?"
Max makes a noncommittal noise. "He'll be fine. Feel kinda bad for taking like, twenty kisses from him when he's not really had a boyfriend, and like..." He wavers a hand. "Y'know? Not the nicest kiss acting to do. But he'll be alright. His main issue is he's kind of like, cripplingly shy when it comes to this stuff. I was texting him last night and he was telling me all about when he had to do the kissing with Heather."
Darren nods, and turns the conversation a little lighter, "And you, how was your first twenty gay kisses?"
"Not bad," Max remarks, mouth turning upwards into a smile and laughing. "It's just like kissing any girl. I don't know why people make such a big deal about it."
"Well, maybe it is with kissing Chris," Darren corrects him, "I mean." He strokes his own jaw and says, "I usually have some stubble, and I haven't got as delicate a face as Chris - "
"Are you trying to get me to kiss you?"
Darren blanches. "No!" Max starts laughing and Darren shoves his shoulder lightly, "I meant that Chris has a more delicate face and he hasn't got any facial hair. It's different with a guy that has."
Max leers, grinning, "And how would you know?"
Darren holds up his hands, "I'm old enough to have had too much to drink and get handsy with my friends, Mr Adler."
~*~
"Alright, so," Max talks out loud as they take a run through of the Karofsky-Blaine confrontation, "Karofsky starts to walk away down the stairs as Blaine is talking - "
Darren glances at his script - it's on the floor, off to the side from where they're stood, and he doesn't really need it but he still looks to it for some security. "This is a very hard thing to come to terms with and you should just know that you're not alone."
"Then Karofsky turns," Chris continues. Max turns on his heel from the bottom of the stairs and Chris narrates as he walks up, "And he runs up, and he grabs Blaine, and runs him backwards and hard into the fence."
Max wraps his fingers lightly around the fabric of Darren's jacket - they're not in costume, not right now - and says to Darren, "How hard are you okay with being shoved?" Darren stares down at Max's fingers as he talks. "You know, I dunno if you're one of those guys who likes to be hardcore and will happily get the real effect because it is real, or if you're... one of those who prefer to just really get out the acting chops with a baby push."
"Push me as hard as you have to," Darren replies, not really thinking about it. When he realizes what he's said, he looks up and quickly adds, "Just try to avoid bruising."
"Alright," Max chuckles, then starts to push Darren, slow but with enough force. Darren goes with it and Max backs him into the fence, "Do not mess with me." Darren puts his hands up. Max drops the harsh voice and turns his head to Chris and says, "Then Kurt shoves Karofsky away from Blaine."
Chris does so, lightly, saying his line, "You have to stop this!" Darren lets out a breath once Max is at distance, and makes a face, having not even realized he was holding it.
"You okay?" Max says, and Darren blinks at him, clueless. Max waves a hand. "You're making some pretty interesting faces, man."
Darren gives out a breathy laugh, "Right. I'm fine, I just got distracted."
"Well, don't get distracted when we're actually filming." Max dusts himself off and says, "I'm gonna go grab a slushie. Funny how not being the one hit with them actually increases your appetite for them."
Chris makes a face. "I don't think I can ever have a slushie again. Enjoy, though."
Max nods. He looks to Darren. "Coming with?"
Darren opens his mouth to respond with absolutely, but Chris grabs him by the arm. "Sorry, I have to talk to him. You can have him back later."
Darren frowns at Chris as he's lead off past Max. "I wanted a slushie."
"If nothing else, I'm almost certain you'd kill someone. I've seen you when you drink things with straws," Chris comments, and Darren frowns harder. He stops them and turns to Darren, and says, "I thought you two just had some kind of epic, magazine worthy bromance from on high going on, but - "
Darren lifts a hand. "Who are we talking about?"
"You and Max." Chris folds his arms and says, "I haven't ever really had a boyfriend, but - I know what crushing madly on someone looks like."
Darren tilts his head. "You think Max has a crush on me?"
Chris' eyebrows go up in a remarkably Kurt-like manner before he says, "No. Well, no, I don't know about him, but - but you have one on him. And if you don't, you're acting a lot like you do."
"I'm straight," and the words are stupid but they're out of Darren's mouth before he can stop them. Chris gives him this look that says now you know that's a crappy excuse, and Darren concedes, "I've never been attracted to a guy before. What makes you think I am now?"
"You know as well as anyone that you can identify as anything you like, but at the end of the day, sexuality is fluid. That's how men end up experimenting with girls after years of identifying as gay, that's how women end up in lesbian relationships - " Chris stops.
"You're older than me and probably," he hushes his voice a tiny bit, "not a virgin. I'm so not giving you this rant. Stop being blind. You stare at Max when he's not looking. You couldn't take your eyes off his hands when he was grabbing your jacket - " Chris yanks the fabric. Darren blinks at him. Chris raises his eyebrows. "See? You don't so much as make a face when I touch you or your clothing. When Max backed you into that fence, you literally stopped breathing. You also looked the opposite to at all defensive. You weren't in character at all."
"It was just a run through," Darren answers, frowning.
"You were perfectly in character when we - " Chris stops and puts his hands up. "Just look at yourself, Darren. Look at the way you act towards him. If I'm wrong and you really feel nothing when you look at him like that, then you can have all my diet coke for the next week or something."
Darren frowns and looks at his feet, admitting, "I never thought about it. I just - I really like him and spending time with him - he's a really good friend and..." He trails off and furrows his brow, looking at Chris. "I don't know what..."
Chris pats Darren's shoulder as he shakes his head, bewildered. "Chris, I have no idea what I feel towards him."
Chris nods slowly. "You'll figure it out. Just don't let it get in the way of work."
"God, no," he murmurs in response, kind of looking past Chris now, staring at nothing whilst things run through his mind.
"Want that slushie now? I'll buy it for you. I can hear the cogs working in your head from here. I'm hardly expecting you to count money." Darren nods and manages a smile. Chris smiles back, gently. "I feel kind of awesome now. All grown up."
"You're far more grown up than most people are, Chris, don't ever let anyone tell you that just because you're younger than the rest of us you're not as smart if not smarter," Darren tells him as they start to walk off down the corridor again. "Trust me. And thank you."
~*~
Darren says thinking hurts a lot as a joke, but the thing is, today thinking actually does hurt. He had gotten his filming with Max done as proficiently and professionally as possible - he thinks he did a pretty good job, but obviously, he won't know until later.
Max had asked if he'd wanted to go for a drink before they went their separate ways, but Darren had just excused himself and said he wasn't feeling well. He feels bad about the lie, but it'll come out at some point. He needed to go and do some thinking.
Which is precisely what he's doing now. Thinking and over-thinking to the point where it hurts, sat with his elbows resting on his knees and his face in his palms. He's not sure if he wants to thank Chris for bringing his own actions to his attention, or shake him, and wish it had never happened.
It's only a problem because Chris is right. If Darren had been acting inappropriately with nothing behind it, he would've just chastised himself, corrected his behaviour and moved on. But there's something there.
Darren feels like he should be worried about the fact he's identified as a straight male for his entire life and now he seems to be inexplicably pulled towards this guy, towards his friend and colleague, but he's not. Not about himself. Darren grew up in an open enough environment to know that it's not who you love but how - but he is worried about Max.
Max probably doesn't feel at all the same (even though at this point, what Darren feels is undecided, really, other than it's sure as hell not platonic). Darren, however, is nothing if not honest, and knows he'll have to tell Max at some point, otherwise it'll eat at his insides. He doesn't want his friend to freak out. He doesn't want Max to distance himself from Darren in any way.
But, Darren muses as he pulls his face from his hands and pulls his phone from his pocket, I don't think he will, because Max is really cool, and if he does, he was never my friend in the first place. He brings up Max's number and just looks, just stares at the details of the contact, and prays for some strange divining sign that he should or shouldn't call him.
In the end, he does. He hits call and he hopes he doesn't sound like an idiot.
"Hello?" Max sounds a little tired, a tiny bit distracted, as though he hadn't looked at the caller ID before answering.
"Bad time?" Darren frowns, scratching his head, running his fingers through his hair.
"Oh - Darren, hey. No, I'm just making a late dinner." His voice perks up a little and Darren breathes a sigh of relief. "What's up, man?"
"I was just..." Darren pauses and licks his lips, searching for a reasonable thing to say. Eventually, he clicks and says, "Tomorrow, I haven't got any work for the minute and - are you busy? I thought we could grab lunch or something."
"That sounds cool, but why don't you just come over here? I spend so much time away from like, home-cooked food, thanks to work, you know? So yeah, just... come here or something." Max clears his throat, "I'll throw together salad or something."
Darren laughs. "Awesome. I'll bring coffee. See you tomorrow, Max."
"See you, man."
~*~
Darren listens to classical radio in his car the next day when he drives to Starbucks to get their drinks before he goes to Max's. He slept well considering the weight of things on his mind last night, but now he's awake, everything is starting to get to him.
He runs through a thousand scenarios in his mind, a thousand versions of the I'm not gay, but I think I really like you speech, two thousand ways for Max to become furious and throw him out and only ten ways for Max to be accepting and okay. He knows he is definitely over thinking it. Max is a good, no, amazing guy.
It's a warm day, so when he's in the line to buy the drinks, Darren casts his gaze over the menu and contemplates whether or not to get Max a latte or an iced mocha. Those are Max's usual picks; if the day is just the cooler side of warm, he'll get the latte, on the hot side of warm it's the iced mocha.
In the end, Darren just sighs deeply, pushing his sunglasses off his nose and onto the top of his head so he doesn't look like a jerk indoors talking to the woman taking his order, "Hey, uh, can I get a large latte and a large iced mocha?" Going for both is the best solution, Darren decides, because I don't mind having either of these and Max can pick what he wants.
Darren nearly wants to kick himself when he realizes he's thinking like this. Like it's not weird to know exactly what your friend orders for coffee. It's ridiculous. Darren doesn't memorize anybody's favourite coffees, why does he know what Max likes?
Suddenly, he doesn't really care how much of a douchebag he appears. He knocks the sunglasses from the top of his head so they fall over his eyes and when the lady asks him to pay, he just passes her a twenty and grumbles for her to keep the change and grabs the coffees and leaves as soon as he can.
It's a little daunting when he gets to the apartment building. However, he goes ahead and calls Max via the intercom to ask him to buzz him in, and it's surprisingly easy for Darren to knock on Max's door once he's there. He thought that he might hesitate, or even chicken out, but he doesn't. It's a good thing, he thinks. Probably.
"It's unlocked," comes the voice from within the flat, and Darren takes that as his cue to push open the door and pop his head around it. It's a nice little place, open plan for the most part with a couple of doors leading off. Max grins at Darren from the kitchen, "Hello you."
"Hey." Darren holds up the carrier with the drinks in. "I got a latte and an iced mocha. Take your pick."
"Mocha," Max answers, turning from Darren and continuing whatever he's doing. Darren approaches and places the mocha beside Max and peers at what he's up to - shredding lettuce efficiently with a knife.
"Never expected you to be much of a cook, honestly," Darren comments.
"Please," Max murmurs, pausing to sip the drink through the straw. "It's only chicken salad."
Darren rolls his eyes and cups the latte between his palms and watches him. "Anything I can do?"
"Plates? They're uh - " Max brandishes the knife vaguely towards the other side of the kitchen. "In the left cupboard. Glasses are in there too, I figured after coffee we could have wine or something. I thought I had beer, but I don't, so..."
Darren hums acknowledgement as he crosses the kitchen whilst Max talks, opening the cupboard and reaching up for the plates. He manages that, but he kind of just stares unhappily at the glasses on the highest shelf that he can't get to. "I can't reach."
"What?" Max stops chopping and turns, and starts laughing. Darren looks over his shoulder and scowls. "I'm sorry, just - " Max purses his lips but can't stop himself laughing, and stands behind Darren and obnoxiously reaches over his head to get the glasses. He sets them down and rests a hand on Darren's curls. "You're so short."
Darren swats his hand away. "Yeah, thank you, I know." He tries to sound pissy, but the laughter comes through in his voice, and he just ends up grinning ridiculously up at Max as the taller man playfully pets his hair again.
Max refuses to let him help after that, citing, "What if you fall in the salad bowl? I'll never be able to find you" which earns him a playful punch to the shoulder.
They eat the food on Max's sofa, Max's legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle, Darren's shoes kicked off and his legs crossed Indian-style. There's trash on the television, the volume so low it might as well not even be on, and they're talking in between mouthfuls of lettuce and chicken.
"You seriously auditioned for the Finn role?"
"Yep. I think I auditioned for roles on Glee three or so times," Darren remarks.
"I can't see you as Finn," Max confesses. "I'm pretty sure you macking on Lea would be really weird, too. Although," he waves his fork, "In real life, you two would actually make a decent-looking couple." Darren does his best not to react, but all that runs through his mind is Well, I don't have my eye on women right now. "Mind, don't get any ideas. She's way busy with Dianna."
Darren looks at Max in surprise, mouth full of food that he's shocked into not-chewing, eyebrows up. Max's face contorts. "Right. Not everyone knows about that."
Darren swallows thickly and gasps, "Lea and Dianna? Seriously?"
Max nods and shrugs. "It's not that surprising when you think about it."
Darren does think about it, eyebrows still glued up high as he turns his attention back to the salad and stabs at a chunk of chicken. He hums and laughs once he's considered it. "You're right." The next sentence leaves his mouth before he even thinks about it, "So it's not a terrible idea for cast members to date."
"Not always good," Max makes clear, "but not always bad."
Darren nods, contemplative, and they finish the food in relative silence. They clear up together, with Darren washing and Max drying. "Wine?" Max offers, approaching the untouched glasses on the side. Darren nods.
"Do you have to be anywhere tomorrow?" Max glances at him, and Darren shakes his head, as he uncorks a bottle and pours wine for them both. "I have a lot of wine, and it could use drinking. You could stay here, sleep on the sofa or something."
Max pushes a glass towards Darren, picks up his own glass and walks back towards the sofa. Darren stares contemplatively at his glass, the red liquid settling inside it, and collects it up and follows the other man. "That's a cool idea."
This could go wrong. Darren could end up drunk and sad in a taxi home. But it might not go wrong. Darren could confess all and Max would laugh and say, happens to everyone. Animal magnetism! and they'll chuckle and drink some more.
They settle back on the sofa, Darren's legs tucked up again and Max's once more stretched out, glasses in hand as they settle back and not-really-watch whatever is on TV. They talk - everything from work, to work outside of work; Max's high school show choir experiences and their high schools in general.
"I bet you were a dork," Max mumbles, half-way through his third glass of wine.
Darren is edging towards the end of his third glass. He raises an eyebrow at Max. "You were in show choir..."
Max silently goes, "Ah" and tips his glass at Darren as if to say touche.
They're on their fifth, or is it their seventh? glass when Darren, un-ironically, has the word courage come to mind. The wine has made everything warm around the edges, fuzzy and he feels brave, and he's thinking of a really good way to explain to Max how he has all these feelings, and he's confused, and he doesn't know what to do, but his mouth opens and words tumble out before he actually realizes, "You're really attractive."
Max looks only a little surprised, and Darren can't decide if that's good or not. It takes him a while to respond, and Darren can see him thinking (which for some reason involves a lot of lip-licking and humming) and eventually, Max finishes his glass of wine and he leans across to Darren and seemingly without a care in the world, mashes their lips together.
Despite having watched him slowly come closer, Darren isn't at all prepared. They sort of sit there, mouths touching, and it takes Darren a minute to realize he should kiss Max back. It's not at all coordinated. Max moves his lips in a way that clashes with his, and it's not the best or nicest, but they're kissing, and that's a pretty cool development.
When they break apart, Darren takes a second to wet his lips then takes control of another kiss. It's considerably better. They keep it chaste, lips and nothing else, until Darren dares and reaches out and touches his friend's arm with his hand.
The kiss deepens just a little. Mouths open and they get closer and Max's tongue touches across Darren's. It's like a spark of electricity - they leap apart, and Darren stares at the other man wide-eyed.
Max gives him this odd smile. Not enthusiastic. Not rejecting.
They watch their trash television and when the night has long since come, Max gives Darren a pillow and a blanket before he departs to his bedroom and separately, they sleep.
~*~
They don't mean to avoid each other, but it just happens. They text regularly, although never touching on the subject of well, that, but they just don't see each other in person. Max is always on one set, after all, and Darren is always on location.
Darren does wonder if they need the space. In the end, maybe two weeks after that happened, he goes to Chris one day during lunch. After all, Chris is gay, and okay so Chris is a boyfriendless virgin, but he's just better at everything, so... "Max and I kissed a couple of weeks ago."
Chris flips open his phone and shows Darren that a new message is flashing, from - Max Adler. "I know. I've been discussing it back and forth with him for two days now." Well then, Darren thinks, frowning. Chris brings his phone close and answers the text before he tucks it away and says, "You and Max need to talk. That's virtually all I can help you with."
Darren pouts a tiny bit, deflated. "Really? That's it? But I don't know what to say." He folds his arm and follows Chris, asking, "What's Max been saying?"
"He likes you," Chris states, and okay, so that makes Darren's heart pitter-patter. "But he's worried that after the kiss you've decided you are no longer bi-curious - well, Max-curious. And... well, I told him what I'm telling you. Talk to him. And..." Chris turns on heel and gives Darren a look. "When I say talk to him, don't just tell him he's hot and kiss him this time. How did you think that would be a good idea?"
"Max kissed me," Darren murmurs.
Chris waves a hand dismissively. "Semantics." He turns back and continues walking, and Darren follows him, a little like a desperate puppy.
"Chris, I don't know how to talk to him about this. The first time I tried I chickened out until I was drunk."
Chris chirps, "Courage," and Darren can hear the smirk. He stops following and Chris laughs as he walks away.
~*~
Darren decides to tackle it that Saturday night. He's stood outside Max's apartment block, and maybe turning up without warning is a bad idea, but he made the decision when he was already out of his place - just a generic drive to clear his head. And besides, what would he have done if Max had said, "No, don't come over"? This way, they have to talk. If Max is even in, Darren reminds himself, but he sees no reason why he shouldn't be. Unless he has a life or something.
He frowns up at the building thoughtfully. He doesn't want this to go wrong. Max is first and foremost his friend. The last thing he wants is for them to screw this up, for their friendship to dissolve. One day they'll have to shoot more scenes together, probably, and if that's screwed up they won't be able to do their jobs, and... just so many things.
He takes the step eventually, though, pressing the buzzer for Max's apartment.
"Hello?" The familiar voice crackles over the intercom.
Darren clears his throat and leans in, "Hey, uh. It's me." It's me? Because that's clear.
"Darren?" Max sounds surprised. Obviously, Darren reminds himself. It's an unexpected visit.
"Yeah, uh - Can I come up?" Darren asks, but then quickly says, "If it's a bad time, I can go... I was just passing by and - well, we need to talk sometime."
There's a brief silence before the eventual, hesitant response. "No, I know. It's cool. Come on up."
There's a click as Max hangs up and he buzzes Darren through the front door. He closes it slowly behind himself and sighs as he begins the trek through the building and up the stairs. It feels a lot longer than the last time he came up here - it was easier to cop out then, easier to let the topic slide. But he's come here for this. They have to talk about this now, tonight.
It's a lot harder to knock on Max's door than the last time he was here. There's no cheerful voice from within as a response. Max comes to the door, solemn and nervous, and Darren forces a smile. "Hey."
"Hey," Max responds, eyeing Darren. Darren gestures awkwardly and Max nods, stepping aside to let him in. He closes the door behind Darren and Darren turns, putting his hands in his pockets, looking at Max as they come to stand level with one another.
"So..." Max starts, and Darren holds up a hand. Max gestures for him to talk.
"I like you," Darren blurts, "I really care about you, and I don't know what that means exactly because I've never been this attracted, into a guy, not ever. And I know that kissing you, I know it only made things... stronger, you know? And it's cool if you don't feel that way but we've not been talking about this, Max, and we need to talk about this. We can't just let this sleep." He stares at Max before he adds bluntly, "It'll kill me."
Max blinks. "Right." He looks down, then around, then eventually back at Darren, licking his lips nervously. Darren shifts his weight from foot to foot, unable to stay still. "I like you too," Max eventually murmurs, "but I don't know what we do now."
A weight drops off Darren's shoulders. His feet can still, but he uses them to get closer to Max instead, to lightly touch his arm, to still his fingers over Max's wrist, not daring to get closer to his hand. Max takes the step. He shifts his arm away, then takes Darren's hand. Darren looks up at Max, who looks him in the eye and says, "I don't know how to do this."
"Just like any other relationship," Darren says. He hesitates. "If you want to be in a relationship. If you wanna try."
Max laughs, a quiet, huffy thing. He looks away from Darren, smiling, then back and says, "Yeah, I wanna try. But no it isn't, you know that."
Darren chews his lip briefly and says, "Most things start with a kiss."
Max nods to that. And they start with a kiss - Max presses his lips to Darren's, and it's considerably more in sync than the last time they kissed. Darren leans up into it, gripping Max's hand harder, and Max touches Darren's waist with his other hand. Darren takes his own free hand to slip it into Max's hair, cradling the back of his head, and they press into it harder, into each other, until Darren is breathless and his heart hurts from pounding that much, that fast.
When Darren pulls away, Max apparently doesn't want to. He keeps kissing now he's started, moving his lips to Darren's jaw, to his neck, dropping Darren's hand to grasp at his hip, and Darren bites his lip and vocalizes, "Jesus, fuck, Max."
Max stops. He loosens his grip on Darren and noses at his neck before straightening up. "Sorry," he mutters, and Darren throws Max his best impression of Kurt Hummel's bitchface. "What?"
"Don't you apologize," Darren tells him, and kisses him again. Tongues touch and it gets more intense, clutching at each other and Darren is shocked by how easy this is, how easy it is to feel like this about another man, to want another guy as much as he wants Max right now. He informs Max of this, pulling out of their kissing long enough and far away enough to say somewhat bluntly, "I want you."
Max clears his throat, startled, "Like - uhhh - ?"
"Like that," Darren confirms, and goes into kiss Max again, but hesitates. He adds, firmly, "We don't have to go all the way. In fact," he wrinkles his nose, "I don't think I'm even ready for that. We don't have to do anything at all. But I want you as soon as I can have you."
Max hesitates, hovering a hand just a breath away from the top of Darren's arm, and he finally places it down and admits, "I don't think I can go all the way. So. But something." He kisses Darren, and says more firmly, "Definitely want something." Max glances past Darren, down the hall, and looks back at Darren.
"Bedroom?" Darren suggests helpfully. Max smiles and nods. Hand clasped, fingers intertwined, Darren leads the way, just that little more confident in this than Max is. Streetlight floods the room from the outside as they come in and they don't bother with turning on the light, instead immediately kissing again as they stand at the foot of the bed.
Darren shrugs off his jacket and plays with the edge of his shirt, and he starts, "Should I...?" and Max's eyes widen before the other man nods. Darren gives Max the most reassuring smile he can. Neither of them have gotten sexual with another guy before. Darren is just as nervous, but he has a feeling the difference is that Darren knows even if this tonight goes terribly, there are going to be other chances for them to try again.
Darren pulls off his t-shirt and lets it pool on the floor with his jacket, and he turns to Max, who is wide-eyed. "What?"
"You're uh," Max clears his throat and folds his arms. "You're really toned." Darren glances down at himself. He works out, he likes exercising if nothing else - great outlet for energy - and looking a little hotter in the process is just a bonus. He frowns at Max as if to say What's your point? "I'm nothing like that," Max murmurs. Oh, Darren thinks, and suddenly gets it.
"You're not fat or anything silly like that so if you don't work out or something and you think I'm gonna get scared off, you're wrong," Darren tries, and Max shrugs and looks down at himself. "What is it?"
"It's stupid," Max tells Darren. "I'm just. I'm self-conscious around you. And I don't know why. You're just so - " Max bursts out laughing, shrugging it off, "You're just so good-looking. And right now you could be with anyone."
"I guess it's a good thing I'm with you, then," Darren responds, tilting his head. "You know, I don't really care what you look like. I mean, I do, because you look awesome, you have a nice face and I like the way you're built which is weird to even think about because well, I really like boobs, but - " Darren stops talking and just looks at Max and asks, "Do you know what I mean?"
"Honestly?" Max answers, eyeing Darren. "I have no idea."
Darren waves a hand dismissively and kisses Max once more, distracting him long enough to make him unfold his arms so that Darren can push his t-shirt up. Without looking, he runs his hands over Max's stomach and chest, exploring. He's never touched a guy like this before, never been this intimate. Max finishes pulling off the shirt, forcing their kiss to break, and it's then that Darren looks.
Max's body is totally different to Darren's. He never thought about it in depth before. Men have have as much variation in their body types and shapes as women do. Max doesn't seem to work out much - but it's not bad, there just isn't much muscle. It's fascinatingly soft to the touch, Darren discovers, and it probably shouldn't be as fascinating as it is because he's slept with women who aren't at all toned before. But it's different, because well as he's gone over a thousand times, Max isn't a woman.
"I like your body," Darren murmurs stupidly, unwilling to stop touching, kissing Max's collarbone as Max's hands come to touch his own body, drifting experimentally over his hips and waist. Max makes this little noise when Darren kisses then sucks on the jugular of his neck that sends a jolt down his spine, and he remembers why they're shirtless in Max's bedroom and, after hovering his hand nervously above Max's belt line, he goes for it and cups Max's crotch through the front of his jeans.
"Oh," Max says, and that would make Darren laugh if the situation weren't suddenly so serious feeling. Darren palms his friend - no correction, his boyfriend, he thinks, if Max doesn't change his mind tomorrow - cautiously, aware that okay, they have the same equipment but no matter what he knows it can't be the same.
Max responds positively enough. He's not terribly vocal but he breathes heavier, and his hands touch everywhere, no longer nervous but uncertain as though he doesn't quite know what to do with them when Darren is touching him like this. As he can feel Max get harder through the layers of fabric, Darren gets acutely aware that he's half-hard in his jeans too, but he doesn't want to ask Max to touch him. He doesn't want to push him.
"Bed," Darren insists though, after a while, quietly proud of the little sharp, almost annoyed breath that Max huffs out when Darren takes his hand away and steps back. He eyes Max as he undoes his belt, pushing his jeans down and stepping out of them to sit on the edge of the bed and peel off his socks.
Max follows suit, and Darren can't help but note this is nothing like the movies. There's no intense, romantic throwing against walls, no magical cuts that forget the characters are probably in socks, no soft candlelight and no awkwardness.
There's no magic where the slightly tense silence of them actually getting onto the somewhat creaking bed and getting comfortable is somehow erased. When Darren and Max are finally level and comfortable and stripped down to their boxers, it doesn't magically fall into place. They don't immediately begin groping one another and their kisses are somehow more chaste now, instead of more intense.
Darren doesn't think he'd prefer it any other way, when he really thinks about it, because when Max smiles at him, he remembers that movies are fictional works. And anyway, the kind of magic in the movies is way less cool than the kind of magic that somehow let the universe work so that Darren could even end up with Max like this.
Eventually, they touch more again. They build themselves up to it again and Darren is about to take the lead when Max surprises him, bravely taking the edge of Darren's underwear and starting to pull it down. Darren lifts his hips to help get them all the way off, and that's it. The final barrier broken. One of them is entirely naked. Max's eyes go wide, observing Darren up and down, and Darren can't help but blush a little when he knows that Max is looking at his cock.
Darren gets closer to Max, edging down his underwear as well, and Max nudges his hands away to shuffle them down himself. Darren looks Max up and down, then kisses him, and trails his fingers over the skin of his chest, his stomach, his sides before he finally, finally wraps his fingers around Max's length. He whispers, aware this could totally ruin the moment, "Sorry if this sucks. I haven't really made giving handjobs to other guys a habit."
Max laughs and he looks like he's about to say something, but Darren silences him by moving his fingers, experimenting until he finds the way to stroke that makes Max's eyes squeeze shut and his breath go a little erratic.
Somewhere in the middle of it, Max seems remember that Darren has needs too, and he grabs blindly for Darren. Darren winces and falters when Max kind of whacks him, and Max's eyes fly open wide and he whispers, "Dammit, sorry."
"It's fine," Darren says, but Max looks all kinds of worried, so he insists, "It's fine. Please."
Max relaxes and then focuses, wrapping a hand around Darren's cock. Finally, contact, Darren thinks, and Max hesitantly begins to move his hand, kissing Darren's neck once he's got the hang of it. Darren's own hand picks back up his rhythm jerking Max off, but he gets distracted when he stutters out gasps and moans. He's a lot more vocal than Max. Max's tongue presses against Darren's neck and Darren, he briefly wonders how he'd sound with Max fucking him, and that makes him blush again and groan louder.
"I can't wait," Darren murmurs, changing his grip and stroke in a way that manages to entice a quiet moan from Max, "until we get to do more." Max makes a quiet noise of agreement and cautiously thumbs over the head of Darren's cock, smearing precome and effectively burning all thought from Darren's mind.
He silences his own noises by kissing Max, abandoning all their previous hesitance and experimental manner and just licking into his mouth, unable to help his hips from rutting a little in an attempt to get just that much closer. Darren figures that they're both getting kinda close; he can feel it, the heat pooling in his stomach, and Max's breathing is heavy and he's a little twitchy, getting just that more vocal about it.
It's messy, and the way they're angled with each other is uncomfortable. Max has his head half-buried in Darren's neck again now, alternating between watching what he's doing and kissing his skin, and Darren is just trying not to lose his composure - he's failing, for the most part, but it's a valiant attempt. It's not the best hand job that Darren has ever gotten, but the one he's giving isn't terribly good either, but after this, they'll have only time to get better at this kind of thing.
Darren isn't even expecting it when he comes; it hits him without warning and he just moans, and Max lets out this soft noise of surprise. Darren swears and blasphemes without even considering it, then licks his lip and focuses as Max can pull his arm away and things get a little more open. He does his best to bring Max to the edge quickly from there, tipping him over with a tired, satisfied smile that is the polar opposite of Max's tense, taken over face as he comes.
They lie there in their mess, the cooling liquid fast turning too sticky for comfort, looking at each other and eventually, with a face that suggests he doesn't really want to break what they have, the comfortable silence of just being together after their first something, Max says, "Can we clean up?"
Darren smiles. "Yeah," then laughs, "Yeah, please. Jeez." They sit up, and Max says, "You go shower first."
Darren nods and stands up, heading naked towards the bathroom, aware of the eyes that are watching him. He turns back and Max averts his gaze. It makes Darren smile, just a little bit, to know that after the fact, Max still wants him at least a little. It gives him a solid hope. Max casually brings up his eyes to meet Darren's, as if he hadn't been looking at all.
Darren asks, just in case, "Where am I going after I've showered?"
Max frowns, then says, "Nowhere."
Darren smiles. "Good."
-----
A/N: If it wasn't obvious, I tried working with the prompt, "Being straight and falling in love anyway. Initial gay panic, awkward first kisses and even more awkward sex." I threw in slow build and background Lea/Dianna too. It deviated a little, sort of, but... I did my best and I hope it's liked.
Author: tooursavior
Recipient: preferthemoss
Rating: NC-17
Words: 8685
Pairing(s): Max Adler/Darren Criss, with a very quiet side of background Lea Michele/Dianna Agron.
Summary: "You and Max." Chris folds his arms and says, "I haven't ever really had a boyfriend, but - I know what crushing madly on someone looks like." // Darren doesn't even realise it when it happens. It just does, and there's not a thing he can do about it.
Warnings: Sexual content.
Notes: This doesn't have as much language and content as I think would've been wanted, but this monster ran away from me. I hope it's still good enough.
Mods, I wasn't sure how to do the participant tag? D: But I was too eager and wanted to get this posted. So. Sorry since I've probably done it wrong. ._. Here we go!
---
It's too early to be awake, but they're too filled with electricity to sleep. They did for a while; an easy slumber born from sheer exhaustion, emotional and otherwise. But they're awake again now, with the first rays of dawn casting orange light through Max's curtains and across the bed.
They lie on their sides, facing eachother, the sheets self-consciously pulled up past their waists. Darren buries his face into his pillow as much as he can whilst still observing Max, who contentedly lies with his arm beneath his head.
"You okay?" Max whispers, and it breaks through the thick silence gently. Like a fish gliding through water, Darren thinks. Or something really, really cheesy like that.
"Peachy," Darren murmurs back, smiling.
Max props himself up and leans over, kissing Darren softly. "Peachy," he echoes.
~*~
Max and Darren aren't entirely sure how they wound up standing alone together by the table, but here they are, somewhat silent and vaguely tense in the awkward phase that is we just met.
Darren's too stoked to be here, at a cast party, to let this awkwardness continue on for too long, so he carefully watches Max whilst making the decision - and then he does it, placing down his plastic glass of fruit punch and reaching into his jacket.
He produces the little blue packet and tears it open, pulling out a strand of the red candy and shoving it between his teeth. Around the candy, he offers the packet to Max, "Red Vines?"
Max stares at him for a second then a grin breaks across his face and he says, "Sure," taking one from the packet and tugging off a piece with his teeth. "Darren, right?" He nods in response and Max continues, biting off bits of the candy between sentences, "I've heard of you, but I haven't seen your Harry Potter musical thing. But I know Chris has, he talks about how he giggles at some parts in the Potter movies now thanks to it, y'know, stuff that's normally serious."
Darren grins politely, but scoffs quietly on the inside. Sure. Like Chris Colfer has seen A Very Potter Musical. That is definitely something being said just to be nice. Darren hadn't expected them to know who he was at all though, so if Max and Chris - and anyone else on the cast, for that matter - have heard of him even if they haven't seen Eastwick or AVPM or anything, that's way awesome enough.
"You're Max Adler," Darren says, a lot less questioning than the other man had been. Max tilts his head and Darren babbles on, "Slushie Karofsky!" He gestures his hands wildly, clutching the packet of Red Vines, "It kind of sucks that Blaine is at an entirely different school because I'd love to get slushied by you, just to feel part of it, you know?" Okay, so maybe it hasn't quite sunk in that Darren is finally on Glee, and he's just really excited, and he doesn't really totally want to be slushied. But he's kind of said it now.
Max raises an eyebrow at him. "It could definitely be arranged," he teases, breaking into a far friendlier grin. "Although it is a real slushie, you know, so it'd hurt like hell..."
Darren manages to keep smiling but he slowly shakes his head. "You know, maybe not after all..."
~*~
"Hey man," Max murmurs as Darren slides into the seat next to him. "Ready to get your Counsellor Blaine on?"
"As I'll ever be," he mutters back, fishing his script from his tote bag.
"Need me to hold your hand?" Max deadpans, and Darren turns his head very slowly to look at him, and when he clocks that yes, Max is joking, Darren elbows him softly.
"Hey," Chris says, pulling himself into the seat opposite Max. He sucks in a deep, almost nervous breath. "Curveball, right?"
"Massive curveball," Max agrees, forehead knitting a little, and Darren looks perplexed until Max says, "The kiss."
The rest of the cast slowly floods in, with Ryan, Ian and Brad coming in last. Brad takes the helm of this particular script reading, being as it was he who had written the episode. Ryan chips in his opinion that it's a really important episode, with the development of Karofsky and the appearance of Blaine. Darren's chest swells a little bit from excitement and pride that he gets to be a part of this, this wonderful anti-bullying storyline.
"Alright, go," somebody says, but Darren is too busy staring down at his script in wonder to know who. "Season Two, Episode Six - Never Been Kissed."
They run through the episode at a steady pace, pausing to discuss the way the scenes will look, to make suggestions and minor alterations when something doesn't work as well read aloud as it does on paper. Brad tuts and circles things in red pen, makes adaptations to the script and instructs the relevant people to do the same. It's half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes before they reach the first scene that Darren - that Blaine - appears in.
"My name is Blaine," Darren reads, looking across the table at Chris. Chris is impeccably in character, despite his ordinary, non-designer labels he is every inch Kurt right now, in his posture and expression and even the way he speaks. An impeccable, professional actor. No wonder people are whispering that he'll win awards before he turns twenty-one. Darren hopes he comes off the same - as Blaine rather than himself, but there's no way of telling right now. He just goes through it and hopes.
"... Kurt. So what exactly is going on?"
"The Warblers," Darren responds, pulling out the pleased grin he imagines Blaine would wear. His singing, his Glee club, takes down the school when they set up performances. Who wouldn't be immensely proud of that? "Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons." Tilting his head, trying not to let Blaine turn from proud to irritatingly smug, "Tends to shut the school down for a while..."
They continue to skim through and Darren basks in observing the other actors in their roles. He pays particular attention to the curveball, as Chris, tense and upright in character snaps across the table at Max, "I am talking to you!"
Dismissively, Max - Karofsky - responds, "Girls locker room's next door."
The strength of the scene surprises all of them, even without the kiss actually being acted out. Darren leans back in his chair to watch Max as he, with less passion than Darren imagines to be in the scene (but even Darren knows that it's pointless to exert yourself on a script reading), rises through anger to frustration.
Max, Darren realizes, is an amazing actor. When the scene comes to an end, he still stares at Max, still in character, face still tense. He doesn't relax until somebody claps - Darren doesn't know who - and one of the writers declares well done and that they should take a break.
"Intense," Darren comments quietly, in awe, as everyone starts to get up.
Max glances at him, confused, then it clicks and he says, "Right, yeah. My head is gonna hurt when we film that. A scene like that, I'm gonna go ahead and guess about fifteen takes, minimum, to get it perfect?" Darren nods. "Yelling and getting angry and then kissing Chris fifteen times in a row is definitely gonna leave me with a major headache," he huffs out a laugh.
Darren stands up and says, "Want coffee?"
Max blinks at him slowly, contemplating, then nods. "Good idea. I'll come with you."
The pair of them are last to leave the room, and Max suggests as they make their way through the building, "We should skip out and go to the nearest Starbucks. The coffee here is like slop. That's okay for Ryan, since he runs on anything with high quantities of caffeine, and Chris is fine since he doesn't drink it since he lives on diet Coke, but that stuff isn't for normal human consumption."
Darren snorts, laughing, covering his face, "We should definitely skip then."
"I'll drive. I don't want to make you laugh and crash and kill us and cut this season of Glee off early," Max pauses and adds, in an impeccable Rachel Berry tone, "or worse, we could get replaced."
"That's creepy," Darren tells Max flatly, "Please never use that voice again." Max chuckles and shrugs. Darren eyes him, and complains, "What even gives you the idea that I would crash? I have impeccable balance and fabulous dance moves." He spins to emphasize his point and walks carefully backwards, "I think I can handle driving."
Max laughs loudly and yanks Darren close just before he can walk into someone. Still holding his arm, Max raises one eyebrow. "You were saying?"
Darren puts a hand on his hip and says, "As if you could make me laugh that much anyway." Max's other eyebrow goes up and Darren tries his hardest to keep a straight face, but he can't. A fantastically feminine giggle bursts through and Max cracks up, slapping Darren lightly on the shoulder.
"Walk. Go."
~*~
The kiss scene is ten times more powerful when Max and Chris are giving it their all. Darren watches from beyond the cameras. It's not a very good view, with half the production team in the way, but he can just about see, and he can hear fine.
He arrives there towards the end of the filming, with Chris and Max looking more and more exhausted between takes, but they hold up on the acting front. Finally, after one last slam of Max's arms into the locker before he storms away, one last shot of Chris looking terrified with a hand to his mouth, somebody yells that they got it.
Max breaks into a grin, relieved, and unexplainably, Darren does too. He claps to himself and then clasps his hands together, watching Max. He's found himself inexplicably drawn to just observe the taller man ever since they met, really. Max is striking. He's also a very good, very fast friend, and Darren is glad that Max doesn't seem to see Darren's habit of lurking as creepy. He has a feeling it would suck to drive Max away.
The idea of it alone leaves Darren with unsettling twists in his stomach, but then again, when they're just hanging out together, Darren gets twists in his stomach anyway. They're nicer ones, though. He doesn't think much of the feelings, even though he hasn't really had them before in regards to friends - he's still so undeniably excited and enthusiastic to be working on Glee that he's pretty certain it's normal that talking to, being friends with, a few of the stars makes his heart skip beats.
He straightens up as Max spots him and makes a beeline, greeting him warmly, "Darren! You okay, man?"
"I'm great," Darren responds, and says, "What about you? How's your heart doing after filming that?"
"I have thousands of emotions, but my heart is fine," Max answers, laughing, massaging the palm of one of his hands with the fingers of the other. "My hands? That's a whole 'nother story. Slapping lockers hurts."
"N'aw," Darren mocks good-naturedly, "Poor baby."
Playfully, Max bunches his fists and bumps Darren's shoulder. "I've still got some strength left, you know."
Darren puts up his fists, "Try me." He lowers them after a second, dropping the jokes, looking past Max to where Chris is conversing quietly with Ryan. "How's he doing?"
Max makes a noncommittal noise. "He'll be fine. Feel kinda bad for taking like, twenty kisses from him when he's not really had a boyfriend, and like..." He wavers a hand. "Y'know? Not the nicest kiss acting to do. But he'll be alright. His main issue is he's kind of like, cripplingly shy when it comes to this stuff. I was texting him last night and he was telling me all about when he had to do the kissing with Heather."
Darren nods, and turns the conversation a little lighter, "And you, how was your first twenty gay kisses?"
"Not bad," Max remarks, mouth turning upwards into a smile and laughing. "It's just like kissing any girl. I don't know why people make such a big deal about it."
"Well, maybe it is with kissing Chris," Darren corrects him, "I mean." He strokes his own jaw and says, "I usually have some stubble, and I haven't got as delicate a face as Chris - "
"Are you trying to get me to kiss you?"
Darren blanches. "No!" Max starts laughing and Darren shoves his shoulder lightly, "I meant that Chris has a more delicate face and he hasn't got any facial hair. It's different with a guy that has."
Max leers, grinning, "And how would you know?"
Darren holds up his hands, "I'm old enough to have had too much to drink and get handsy with my friends, Mr Adler."
~*~
"Alright, so," Max talks out loud as they take a run through of the Karofsky-Blaine confrontation, "Karofsky starts to walk away down the stairs as Blaine is talking - "
Darren glances at his script - it's on the floor, off to the side from where they're stood, and he doesn't really need it but he still looks to it for some security. "This is a very hard thing to come to terms with and you should just know that you're not alone."
"Then Karofsky turns," Chris continues. Max turns on his heel from the bottom of the stairs and Chris narrates as he walks up, "And he runs up, and he grabs Blaine, and runs him backwards and hard into the fence."
Max wraps his fingers lightly around the fabric of Darren's jacket - they're not in costume, not right now - and says to Darren, "How hard are you okay with being shoved?" Darren stares down at Max's fingers as he talks. "You know, I dunno if you're one of those guys who likes to be hardcore and will happily get the real effect because it is real, or if you're... one of those who prefer to just really get out the acting chops with a baby push."
"Push me as hard as you have to," Darren replies, not really thinking about it. When he realizes what he's said, he looks up and quickly adds, "Just try to avoid bruising."
"Alright," Max chuckles, then starts to push Darren, slow but with enough force. Darren goes with it and Max backs him into the fence, "Do not mess with me." Darren puts his hands up. Max drops the harsh voice and turns his head to Chris and says, "Then Kurt shoves Karofsky away from Blaine."
Chris does so, lightly, saying his line, "You have to stop this!" Darren lets out a breath once Max is at distance, and makes a face, having not even realized he was holding it.
"You okay?" Max says, and Darren blinks at him, clueless. Max waves a hand. "You're making some pretty interesting faces, man."
Darren gives out a breathy laugh, "Right. I'm fine, I just got distracted."
"Well, don't get distracted when we're actually filming." Max dusts himself off and says, "I'm gonna go grab a slushie. Funny how not being the one hit with them actually increases your appetite for them."
Chris makes a face. "I don't think I can ever have a slushie again. Enjoy, though."
Max nods. He looks to Darren. "Coming with?"
Darren opens his mouth to respond with absolutely, but Chris grabs him by the arm. "Sorry, I have to talk to him. You can have him back later."
Darren frowns at Chris as he's lead off past Max. "I wanted a slushie."
"If nothing else, I'm almost certain you'd kill someone. I've seen you when you drink things with straws," Chris comments, and Darren frowns harder. He stops them and turns to Darren, and says, "I thought you two just had some kind of epic, magazine worthy bromance from on high going on, but - "
Darren lifts a hand. "Who are we talking about?"
"You and Max." Chris folds his arms and says, "I haven't ever really had a boyfriend, but - I know what crushing madly on someone looks like."
Darren tilts his head. "You think Max has a crush on me?"
Chris' eyebrows go up in a remarkably Kurt-like manner before he says, "No. Well, no, I don't know about him, but - but you have one on him. And if you don't, you're acting a lot like you do."
"I'm straight," and the words are stupid but they're out of Darren's mouth before he can stop them. Chris gives him this look that says now you know that's a crappy excuse, and Darren concedes, "I've never been attracted to a guy before. What makes you think I am now?"
"You know as well as anyone that you can identify as anything you like, but at the end of the day, sexuality is fluid. That's how men end up experimenting with girls after years of identifying as gay, that's how women end up in lesbian relationships - " Chris stops.
"You're older than me and probably," he hushes his voice a tiny bit, "not a virgin. I'm so not giving you this rant. Stop being blind. You stare at Max when he's not looking. You couldn't take your eyes off his hands when he was grabbing your jacket - " Chris yanks the fabric. Darren blinks at him. Chris raises his eyebrows. "See? You don't so much as make a face when I touch you or your clothing. When Max backed you into that fence, you literally stopped breathing. You also looked the opposite to at all defensive. You weren't in character at all."
"It was just a run through," Darren answers, frowning.
"You were perfectly in character when we - " Chris stops and puts his hands up. "Just look at yourself, Darren. Look at the way you act towards him. If I'm wrong and you really feel nothing when you look at him like that, then you can have all my diet coke for the next week or something."
Darren frowns and looks at his feet, admitting, "I never thought about it. I just - I really like him and spending time with him - he's a really good friend and..." He trails off and furrows his brow, looking at Chris. "I don't know what..."
Chris pats Darren's shoulder as he shakes his head, bewildered. "Chris, I have no idea what I feel towards him."
Chris nods slowly. "You'll figure it out. Just don't let it get in the way of work."
"God, no," he murmurs in response, kind of looking past Chris now, staring at nothing whilst things run through his mind.
"Want that slushie now? I'll buy it for you. I can hear the cogs working in your head from here. I'm hardly expecting you to count money." Darren nods and manages a smile. Chris smiles back, gently. "I feel kind of awesome now. All grown up."
"You're far more grown up than most people are, Chris, don't ever let anyone tell you that just because you're younger than the rest of us you're not as smart if not smarter," Darren tells him as they start to walk off down the corridor again. "Trust me. And thank you."
~*~
Darren says thinking hurts a lot as a joke, but the thing is, today thinking actually does hurt. He had gotten his filming with Max done as proficiently and professionally as possible - he thinks he did a pretty good job, but obviously, he won't know until later.
Max had asked if he'd wanted to go for a drink before they went their separate ways, but Darren had just excused himself and said he wasn't feeling well. He feels bad about the lie, but it'll come out at some point. He needed to go and do some thinking.
Which is precisely what he's doing now. Thinking and over-thinking to the point where it hurts, sat with his elbows resting on his knees and his face in his palms. He's not sure if he wants to thank Chris for bringing his own actions to his attention, or shake him, and wish it had never happened.
It's only a problem because Chris is right. If Darren had been acting inappropriately with nothing behind it, he would've just chastised himself, corrected his behaviour and moved on. But there's something there.
Darren feels like he should be worried about the fact he's identified as a straight male for his entire life and now he seems to be inexplicably pulled towards this guy, towards his friend and colleague, but he's not. Not about himself. Darren grew up in an open enough environment to know that it's not who you love but how - but he is worried about Max.
Max probably doesn't feel at all the same (even though at this point, what Darren feels is undecided, really, other than it's sure as hell not platonic). Darren, however, is nothing if not honest, and knows he'll have to tell Max at some point, otherwise it'll eat at his insides. He doesn't want his friend to freak out. He doesn't want Max to distance himself from Darren in any way.
But, Darren muses as he pulls his face from his hands and pulls his phone from his pocket, I don't think he will, because Max is really cool, and if he does, he was never my friend in the first place. He brings up Max's number and just looks, just stares at the details of the contact, and prays for some strange divining sign that he should or shouldn't call him.
In the end, he does. He hits call and he hopes he doesn't sound like an idiot.
"Hello?" Max sounds a little tired, a tiny bit distracted, as though he hadn't looked at the caller ID before answering.
"Bad time?" Darren frowns, scratching his head, running his fingers through his hair.
"Oh - Darren, hey. No, I'm just making a late dinner." His voice perks up a little and Darren breathes a sigh of relief. "What's up, man?"
"I was just..." Darren pauses and licks his lips, searching for a reasonable thing to say. Eventually, he clicks and says, "Tomorrow, I haven't got any work for the minute and - are you busy? I thought we could grab lunch or something."
"That sounds cool, but why don't you just come over here? I spend so much time away from like, home-cooked food, thanks to work, you know? So yeah, just... come here or something." Max clears his throat, "I'll throw together salad or something."
Darren laughs. "Awesome. I'll bring coffee. See you tomorrow, Max."
"See you, man."
~*~
Darren listens to classical radio in his car the next day when he drives to Starbucks to get their drinks before he goes to Max's. He slept well considering the weight of things on his mind last night, but now he's awake, everything is starting to get to him.
He runs through a thousand scenarios in his mind, a thousand versions of the I'm not gay, but I think I really like you speech, two thousand ways for Max to become furious and throw him out and only ten ways for Max to be accepting and okay. He knows he is definitely over thinking it. Max is a good, no, amazing guy.
It's a warm day, so when he's in the line to buy the drinks, Darren casts his gaze over the menu and contemplates whether or not to get Max a latte or an iced mocha. Those are Max's usual picks; if the day is just the cooler side of warm, he'll get the latte, on the hot side of warm it's the iced mocha.
In the end, Darren just sighs deeply, pushing his sunglasses off his nose and onto the top of his head so he doesn't look like a jerk indoors talking to the woman taking his order, "Hey, uh, can I get a large latte and a large iced mocha?" Going for both is the best solution, Darren decides, because I don't mind having either of these and Max can pick what he wants.
Darren nearly wants to kick himself when he realizes he's thinking like this. Like it's not weird to know exactly what your friend orders for coffee. It's ridiculous. Darren doesn't memorize anybody's favourite coffees, why does he know what Max likes?
Suddenly, he doesn't really care how much of a douchebag he appears. He knocks the sunglasses from the top of his head so they fall over his eyes and when the lady asks him to pay, he just passes her a twenty and grumbles for her to keep the change and grabs the coffees and leaves as soon as he can.
It's a little daunting when he gets to the apartment building. However, he goes ahead and calls Max via the intercom to ask him to buzz him in, and it's surprisingly easy for Darren to knock on Max's door once he's there. He thought that he might hesitate, or even chicken out, but he doesn't. It's a good thing, he thinks. Probably.
"It's unlocked," comes the voice from within the flat, and Darren takes that as his cue to push open the door and pop his head around it. It's a nice little place, open plan for the most part with a couple of doors leading off. Max grins at Darren from the kitchen, "Hello you."
"Hey." Darren holds up the carrier with the drinks in. "I got a latte and an iced mocha. Take your pick."
"Mocha," Max answers, turning from Darren and continuing whatever he's doing. Darren approaches and places the mocha beside Max and peers at what he's up to - shredding lettuce efficiently with a knife.
"Never expected you to be much of a cook, honestly," Darren comments.
"Please," Max murmurs, pausing to sip the drink through the straw. "It's only chicken salad."
Darren rolls his eyes and cups the latte between his palms and watches him. "Anything I can do?"
"Plates? They're uh - " Max brandishes the knife vaguely towards the other side of the kitchen. "In the left cupboard. Glasses are in there too, I figured after coffee we could have wine or something. I thought I had beer, but I don't, so..."
Darren hums acknowledgement as he crosses the kitchen whilst Max talks, opening the cupboard and reaching up for the plates. He manages that, but he kind of just stares unhappily at the glasses on the highest shelf that he can't get to. "I can't reach."
"What?" Max stops chopping and turns, and starts laughing. Darren looks over his shoulder and scowls. "I'm sorry, just - " Max purses his lips but can't stop himself laughing, and stands behind Darren and obnoxiously reaches over his head to get the glasses. He sets them down and rests a hand on Darren's curls. "You're so short."
Darren swats his hand away. "Yeah, thank you, I know." He tries to sound pissy, but the laughter comes through in his voice, and he just ends up grinning ridiculously up at Max as the taller man playfully pets his hair again.
Max refuses to let him help after that, citing, "What if you fall in the salad bowl? I'll never be able to find you" which earns him a playful punch to the shoulder.
They eat the food on Max's sofa, Max's legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle, Darren's shoes kicked off and his legs crossed Indian-style. There's trash on the television, the volume so low it might as well not even be on, and they're talking in between mouthfuls of lettuce and chicken.
"You seriously auditioned for the Finn role?"
"Yep. I think I auditioned for roles on Glee three or so times," Darren remarks.
"I can't see you as Finn," Max confesses. "I'm pretty sure you macking on Lea would be really weird, too. Although," he waves his fork, "In real life, you two would actually make a decent-looking couple." Darren does his best not to react, but all that runs through his mind is Well, I don't have my eye on women right now. "Mind, don't get any ideas. She's way busy with Dianna."
Darren looks at Max in surprise, mouth full of food that he's shocked into not-chewing, eyebrows up. Max's face contorts. "Right. Not everyone knows about that."
Darren swallows thickly and gasps, "Lea and Dianna? Seriously?"
Max nods and shrugs. "It's not that surprising when you think about it."
Darren does think about it, eyebrows still glued up high as he turns his attention back to the salad and stabs at a chunk of chicken. He hums and laughs once he's considered it. "You're right." The next sentence leaves his mouth before he even thinks about it, "So it's not a terrible idea for cast members to date."
"Not always good," Max makes clear, "but not always bad."
Darren nods, contemplative, and they finish the food in relative silence. They clear up together, with Darren washing and Max drying. "Wine?" Max offers, approaching the untouched glasses on the side. Darren nods.
"Do you have to be anywhere tomorrow?" Max glances at him, and Darren shakes his head, as he uncorks a bottle and pours wine for them both. "I have a lot of wine, and it could use drinking. You could stay here, sleep on the sofa or something."
Max pushes a glass towards Darren, picks up his own glass and walks back towards the sofa. Darren stares contemplatively at his glass, the red liquid settling inside it, and collects it up and follows the other man. "That's a cool idea."
This could go wrong. Darren could end up drunk and sad in a taxi home. But it might not go wrong. Darren could confess all and Max would laugh and say, happens to everyone. Animal magnetism! and they'll chuckle and drink some more.
They settle back on the sofa, Darren's legs tucked up again and Max's once more stretched out, glasses in hand as they settle back and not-really-watch whatever is on TV. They talk - everything from work, to work outside of work; Max's high school show choir experiences and their high schools in general.
"I bet you were a dork," Max mumbles, half-way through his third glass of wine.
Darren is edging towards the end of his third glass. He raises an eyebrow at Max. "You were in show choir..."
Max silently goes, "Ah" and tips his glass at Darren as if to say touche.
They're on their fifth, or is it their seventh? glass when Darren, un-ironically, has the word courage come to mind. The wine has made everything warm around the edges, fuzzy and he feels brave, and he's thinking of a really good way to explain to Max how he has all these feelings, and he's confused, and he doesn't know what to do, but his mouth opens and words tumble out before he actually realizes, "You're really attractive."
Max looks only a little surprised, and Darren can't decide if that's good or not. It takes him a while to respond, and Darren can see him thinking (which for some reason involves a lot of lip-licking and humming) and eventually, Max finishes his glass of wine and he leans across to Darren and seemingly without a care in the world, mashes their lips together.
Despite having watched him slowly come closer, Darren isn't at all prepared. They sort of sit there, mouths touching, and it takes Darren a minute to realize he should kiss Max back. It's not at all coordinated. Max moves his lips in a way that clashes with his, and it's not the best or nicest, but they're kissing, and that's a pretty cool development.
When they break apart, Darren takes a second to wet his lips then takes control of another kiss. It's considerably better. They keep it chaste, lips and nothing else, until Darren dares and reaches out and touches his friend's arm with his hand.
The kiss deepens just a little. Mouths open and they get closer and Max's tongue touches across Darren's. It's like a spark of electricity - they leap apart, and Darren stares at the other man wide-eyed.
Max gives him this odd smile. Not enthusiastic. Not rejecting.
They watch their trash television and when the night has long since come, Max gives Darren a pillow and a blanket before he departs to his bedroom and separately, they sleep.
~*~
They don't mean to avoid each other, but it just happens. They text regularly, although never touching on the subject of well, that, but they just don't see each other in person. Max is always on one set, after all, and Darren is always on location.
Darren does wonder if they need the space. In the end, maybe two weeks after that happened, he goes to Chris one day during lunch. After all, Chris is gay, and okay so Chris is a boyfriendless virgin, but he's just better at everything, so... "Max and I kissed a couple of weeks ago."
Chris flips open his phone and shows Darren that a new message is flashing, from - Max Adler. "I know. I've been discussing it back and forth with him for two days now." Well then, Darren thinks, frowning. Chris brings his phone close and answers the text before he tucks it away and says, "You and Max need to talk. That's virtually all I can help you with."
Darren pouts a tiny bit, deflated. "Really? That's it? But I don't know what to say." He folds his arm and follows Chris, asking, "What's Max been saying?"
"He likes you," Chris states, and okay, so that makes Darren's heart pitter-patter. "But he's worried that after the kiss you've decided you are no longer bi-curious - well, Max-curious. And... well, I told him what I'm telling you. Talk to him. And..." Chris turns on heel and gives Darren a look. "When I say talk to him, don't just tell him he's hot and kiss him this time. How did you think that would be a good idea?"
"Max kissed me," Darren murmurs.
Chris waves a hand dismissively. "Semantics." He turns back and continues walking, and Darren follows him, a little like a desperate puppy.
"Chris, I don't know how to talk to him about this. The first time I tried I chickened out until I was drunk."
Chris chirps, "Courage," and Darren can hear the smirk. He stops following and Chris laughs as he walks away.
~*~
Darren decides to tackle it that Saturday night. He's stood outside Max's apartment block, and maybe turning up without warning is a bad idea, but he made the decision when he was already out of his place - just a generic drive to clear his head. And besides, what would he have done if Max had said, "No, don't come over"? This way, they have to talk. If Max is even in, Darren reminds himself, but he sees no reason why he shouldn't be. Unless he has a life or something.
He frowns up at the building thoughtfully. He doesn't want this to go wrong. Max is first and foremost his friend. The last thing he wants is for them to screw this up, for their friendship to dissolve. One day they'll have to shoot more scenes together, probably, and if that's screwed up they won't be able to do their jobs, and... just so many things.
He takes the step eventually, though, pressing the buzzer for Max's apartment.
"Hello?" The familiar voice crackles over the intercom.
Darren clears his throat and leans in, "Hey, uh. It's me." It's me? Because that's clear.
"Darren?" Max sounds surprised. Obviously, Darren reminds himself. It's an unexpected visit.
"Yeah, uh - Can I come up?" Darren asks, but then quickly says, "If it's a bad time, I can go... I was just passing by and - well, we need to talk sometime."
There's a brief silence before the eventual, hesitant response. "No, I know. It's cool. Come on up."
There's a click as Max hangs up and he buzzes Darren through the front door. He closes it slowly behind himself and sighs as he begins the trek through the building and up the stairs. It feels a lot longer than the last time he came up here - it was easier to cop out then, easier to let the topic slide. But he's come here for this. They have to talk about this now, tonight.
It's a lot harder to knock on Max's door than the last time he was here. There's no cheerful voice from within as a response. Max comes to the door, solemn and nervous, and Darren forces a smile. "Hey."
"Hey," Max responds, eyeing Darren. Darren gestures awkwardly and Max nods, stepping aside to let him in. He closes the door behind Darren and Darren turns, putting his hands in his pockets, looking at Max as they come to stand level with one another.
"So..." Max starts, and Darren holds up a hand. Max gestures for him to talk.
"I like you," Darren blurts, "I really care about you, and I don't know what that means exactly because I've never been this attracted, into a guy, not ever. And I know that kissing you, I know it only made things... stronger, you know? And it's cool if you don't feel that way but we've not been talking about this, Max, and we need to talk about this. We can't just let this sleep." He stares at Max before he adds bluntly, "It'll kill me."
Max blinks. "Right." He looks down, then around, then eventually back at Darren, licking his lips nervously. Darren shifts his weight from foot to foot, unable to stay still. "I like you too," Max eventually murmurs, "but I don't know what we do now."
A weight drops off Darren's shoulders. His feet can still, but he uses them to get closer to Max instead, to lightly touch his arm, to still his fingers over Max's wrist, not daring to get closer to his hand. Max takes the step. He shifts his arm away, then takes Darren's hand. Darren looks up at Max, who looks him in the eye and says, "I don't know how to do this."
"Just like any other relationship," Darren says. He hesitates. "If you want to be in a relationship. If you wanna try."
Max laughs, a quiet, huffy thing. He looks away from Darren, smiling, then back and says, "Yeah, I wanna try. But no it isn't, you know that."
Darren chews his lip briefly and says, "Most things start with a kiss."
Max nods to that. And they start with a kiss - Max presses his lips to Darren's, and it's considerably more in sync than the last time they kissed. Darren leans up into it, gripping Max's hand harder, and Max touches Darren's waist with his other hand. Darren takes his own free hand to slip it into Max's hair, cradling the back of his head, and they press into it harder, into each other, until Darren is breathless and his heart hurts from pounding that much, that fast.
When Darren pulls away, Max apparently doesn't want to. He keeps kissing now he's started, moving his lips to Darren's jaw, to his neck, dropping Darren's hand to grasp at his hip, and Darren bites his lip and vocalizes, "Jesus, fuck, Max."
Max stops. He loosens his grip on Darren and noses at his neck before straightening up. "Sorry," he mutters, and Darren throws Max his best impression of Kurt Hummel's bitchface. "What?"
"Don't you apologize," Darren tells him, and kisses him again. Tongues touch and it gets more intense, clutching at each other and Darren is shocked by how easy this is, how easy it is to feel like this about another man, to want another guy as much as he wants Max right now. He informs Max of this, pulling out of their kissing long enough and far away enough to say somewhat bluntly, "I want you."
Max clears his throat, startled, "Like - uhhh - ?"
"Like that," Darren confirms, and goes into kiss Max again, but hesitates. He adds, firmly, "We don't have to go all the way. In fact," he wrinkles his nose, "I don't think I'm even ready for that. We don't have to do anything at all. But I want you as soon as I can have you."
Max hesitates, hovering a hand just a breath away from the top of Darren's arm, and he finally places it down and admits, "I don't think I can go all the way. So. But something." He kisses Darren, and says more firmly, "Definitely want something." Max glances past Darren, down the hall, and looks back at Darren.
"Bedroom?" Darren suggests helpfully. Max smiles and nods. Hand clasped, fingers intertwined, Darren leads the way, just that little more confident in this than Max is. Streetlight floods the room from the outside as they come in and they don't bother with turning on the light, instead immediately kissing again as they stand at the foot of the bed.
Darren shrugs off his jacket and plays with the edge of his shirt, and he starts, "Should I...?" and Max's eyes widen before the other man nods. Darren gives Max the most reassuring smile he can. Neither of them have gotten sexual with another guy before. Darren is just as nervous, but he has a feeling the difference is that Darren knows even if this tonight goes terribly, there are going to be other chances for them to try again.
Darren pulls off his t-shirt and lets it pool on the floor with his jacket, and he turns to Max, who is wide-eyed. "What?"
"You're uh," Max clears his throat and folds his arms. "You're really toned." Darren glances down at himself. He works out, he likes exercising if nothing else - great outlet for energy - and looking a little hotter in the process is just a bonus. He frowns at Max as if to say What's your point? "I'm nothing like that," Max murmurs. Oh, Darren thinks, and suddenly gets it.
"You're not fat or anything silly like that so if you don't work out or something and you think I'm gonna get scared off, you're wrong," Darren tries, and Max shrugs and looks down at himself. "What is it?"
"It's stupid," Max tells Darren. "I'm just. I'm self-conscious around you. And I don't know why. You're just so - " Max bursts out laughing, shrugging it off, "You're just so good-looking. And right now you could be with anyone."
"I guess it's a good thing I'm with you, then," Darren responds, tilting his head. "You know, I don't really care what you look like. I mean, I do, because you look awesome, you have a nice face and I like the way you're built which is weird to even think about because well, I really like boobs, but - " Darren stops talking and just looks at Max and asks, "Do you know what I mean?"
"Honestly?" Max answers, eyeing Darren. "I have no idea."
Darren waves a hand dismissively and kisses Max once more, distracting him long enough to make him unfold his arms so that Darren can push his t-shirt up. Without looking, he runs his hands over Max's stomach and chest, exploring. He's never touched a guy like this before, never been this intimate. Max finishes pulling off the shirt, forcing their kiss to break, and it's then that Darren looks.
Max's body is totally different to Darren's. He never thought about it in depth before. Men have have as much variation in their body types and shapes as women do. Max doesn't seem to work out much - but it's not bad, there just isn't much muscle. It's fascinatingly soft to the touch, Darren discovers, and it probably shouldn't be as fascinating as it is because he's slept with women who aren't at all toned before. But it's different, because well as he's gone over a thousand times, Max isn't a woman.
"I like your body," Darren murmurs stupidly, unwilling to stop touching, kissing Max's collarbone as Max's hands come to touch his own body, drifting experimentally over his hips and waist. Max makes this little noise when Darren kisses then sucks on the jugular of his neck that sends a jolt down his spine, and he remembers why they're shirtless in Max's bedroom and, after hovering his hand nervously above Max's belt line, he goes for it and cups Max's crotch through the front of his jeans.
"Oh," Max says, and that would make Darren laugh if the situation weren't suddenly so serious feeling. Darren palms his friend - no correction, his boyfriend, he thinks, if Max doesn't change his mind tomorrow - cautiously, aware that okay, they have the same equipment but no matter what he knows it can't be the same.
Max responds positively enough. He's not terribly vocal but he breathes heavier, and his hands touch everywhere, no longer nervous but uncertain as though he doesn't quite know what to do with them when Darren is touching him like this. As he can feel Max get harder through the layers of fabric, Darren gets acutely aware that he's half-hard in his jeans too, but he doesn't want to ask Max to touch him. He doesn't want to push him.
"Bed," Darren insists though, after a while, quietly proud of the little sharp, almost annoyed breath that Max huffs out when Darren takes his hand away and steps back. He eyes Max as he undoes his belt, pushing his jeans down and stepping out of them to sit on the edge of the bed and peel off his socks.
Max follows suit, and Darren can't help but note this is nothing like the movies. There's no intense, romantic throwing against walls, no magical cuts that forget the characters are probably in socks, no soft candlelight and no awkwardness.
There's no magic where the slightly tense silence of them actually getting onto the somewhat creaking bed and getting comfortable is somehow erased. When Darren and Max are finally level and comfortable and stripped down to their boxers, it doesn't magically fall into place. They don't immediately begin groping one another and their kisses are somehow more chaste now, instead of more intense.
Darren doesn't think he'd prefer it any other way, when he really thinks about it, because when Max smiles at him, he remembers that movies are fictional works. And anyway, the kind of magic in the movies is way less cool than the kind of magic that somehow let the universe work so that Darren could even end up with Max like this.
Eventually, they touch more again. They build themselves up to it again and Darren is about to take the lead when Max surprises him, bravely taking the edge of Darren's underwear and starting to pull it down. Darren lifts his hips to help get them all the way off, and that's it. The final barrier broken. One of them is entirely naked. Max's eyes go wide, observing Darren up and down, and Darren can't help but blush a little when he knows that Max is looking at his cock.
Darren gets closer to Max, edging down his underwear as well, and Max nudges his hands away to shuffle them down himself. Darren looks Max up and down, then kisses him, and trails his fingers over the skin of his chest, his stomach, his sides before he finally, finally wraps his fingers around Max's length. He whispers, aware this could totally ruin the moment, "Sorry if this sucks. I haven't really made giving handjobs to other guys a habit."
Max laughs and he looks like he's about to say something, but Darren silences him by moving his fingers, experimenting until he finds the way to stroke that makes Max's eyes squeeze shut and his breath go a little erratic.
Somewhere in the middle of it, Max seems remember that Darren has needs too, and he grabs blindly for Darren. Darren winces and falters when Max kind of whacks him, and Max's eyes fly open wide and he whispers, "Dammit, sorry."
"It's fine," Darren says, but Max looks all kinds of worried, so he insists, "It's fine. Please."
Max relaxes and then focuses, wrapping a hand around Darren's cock. Finally, contact, Darren thinks, and Max hesitantly begins to move his hand, kissing Darren's neck once he's got the hang of it. Darren's own hand picks back up his rhythm jerking Max off, but he gets distracted when he stutters out gasps and moans. He's a lot more vocal than Max. Max's tongue presses against Darren's neck and Darren, he briefly wonders how he'd sound with Max fucking him, and that makes him blush again and groan louder.
"I can't wait," Darren murmurs, changing his grip and stroke in a way that manages to entice a quiet moan from Max, "until we get to do more." Max makes a quiet noise of agreement and cautiously thumbs over the head of Darren's cock, smearing precome and effectively burning all thought from Darren's mind.
He silences his own noises by kissing Max, abandoning all their previous hesitance and experimental manner and just licking into his mouth, unable to help his hips from rutting a little in an attempt to get just that much closer. Darren figures that they're both getting kinda close; he can feel it, the heat pooling in his stomach, and Max's breathing is heavy and he's a little twitchy, getting just that more vocal about it.
It's messy, and the way they're angled with each other is uncomfortable. Max has his head half-buried in Darren's neck again now, alternating between watching what he's doing and kissing his skin, and Darren is just trying not to lose his composure - he's failing, for the most part, but it's a valiant attempt. It's not the best hand job that Darren has ever gotten, but the one he's giving isn't terribly good either, but after this, they'll have only time to get better at this kind of thing.
Darren isn't even expecting it when he comes; it hits him without warning and he just moans, and Max lets out this soft noise of surprise. Darren swears and blasphemes without even considering it, then licks his lip and focuses as Max can pull his arm away and things get a little more open. He does his best to bring Max to the edge quickly from there, tipping him over with a tired, satisfied smile that is the polar opposite of Max's tense, taken over face as he comes.
They lie there in their mess, the cooling liquid fast turning too sticky for comfort, looking at each other and eventually, with a face that suggests he doesn't really want to break what they have, the comfortable silence of just being together after their first something, Max says, "Can we clean up?"
Darren smiles. "Yeah," then laughs, "Yeah, please. Jeez." They sit up, and Max says, "You go shower first."
Darren nods and stands up, heading naked towards the bathroom, aware of the eyes that are watching him. He turns back and Max averts his gaze. It makes Darren smile, just a little bit, to know that after the fact, Max still wants him at least a little. It gives him a solid hope. Max casually brings up his eyes to meet Darren's, as if he hadn't been looking at all.
Darren asks, just in case, "Where am I going after I've showered?"
Max frowns, then says, "Nowhere."
Darren smiles. "Good."
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A/N: If it wasn't obvious, I tried working with the prompt, "Being straight and falling in love anyway. Initial gay panic, awkward first kisses and even more awkward sex." I threw in slow build and background Lea/Dianna too. It deviated a little, sort of, but... I did my best and I hope it's liked.