June 14, 2006
The kittens can climb anywhere now. Apparently my neck is the choice part of my body. They climb up and wrap themselves around my neck. I don't particularly want them there. But after moving them numerous times, I'm beginning to just get used to it. They're younger and have more energy for this war than I do.
I have problems with Y that I didn't realize before. I met with the school counselor last week (a cool U.S. guy-yea!) and this week with the principal and the teacher again. Later I talked to the woman who tests kids with problems and helps them overcome them (can't remember her title). I've always considered Y my most open, outgoing child. He's loving and positive. But it turns out that at school he refuses to speak to the teacher. The woman who tested him said the picture he drew of the family showed there is very little communication going on. That's true.
I guess having grown up without communication in the family, it is easy for me to let that happen. So tonight I asked them to come sit around the table. I brought four pieces of candy and put them in front of me. I said I'd like it if every night we sat together before bedtime and each said something nice about each other, ourselves, and something good that happened to us that day. I started, and we agreed to go in a circle.
Y was messing around while A spoke. I told him that listening to each other is part of what I would like us to do. In his turn he said something nice about Ya, then said something mean about H! What a surprise! He plays with H a lot. Generally he never says anything mean, even in an argument. I reminded him that the idea was to say something nice about each person. He got up and left the room. His teacher told me that he often gets up and leaves the classroom when things are not to his liking.
When everyone had finished I asked if there was anything anyone wanted to talk about. Ya talked about not liking to learn English, and feeling picked on by the teacher. A wanted to tell me that the previous day when he'd said he left a notebook in the classroom, he had actually simply forgotten what he'd done with it--and provided that scenario. Since then, he remembered that he had given it to a friend who had missed a day and needed to copy the homework questions from it. I asked him if he did that a lot--saying something that wasn't right because he couldn't think of what he needed to say. He agreed that he did. I said I noticed. I asked if it was a problem finding the words to say (he has had hearing problems and his vocabulary is effected). He said no, it's a problem with remembering.
After everyone left the table, Y complained that Ya hadn't let him speak. I asked him how he came to that conclusion and went over what had happened with him. He said he wanted to talk, just the two of us. (Those who had participated received a candy.) He says tomorrow he will join the whole family. We shall see. So, my angel is a sad angel, holding his problems inside. I knew he had changed a lot since becoming aware of his father's violence to me and my asking for a divorce. But I didn't realize that it was this bad.