(no subject)
X- posted to glbt_pagan
Like I told in my introduction post, I'm a Wicca. I have two guidelines in my life, the Wiccan Rede "An it harm no one, do what thou will" and the Trheefold Law, every bad and good act you do returns to you thrice as bad or good energy. That's the reason I try to live faultlessly, respecting everyone, not harming or insulting anyone. But there is this thing that has bothered me for a while...
Last year I ended up in a mental hospital because of my schizophrenia and suicidal thoughts. I had really good time at the hospital, but last winter when I was transferred to the "rehabilitation ward", the nurses insulted and mocked me and were all around nasty and disrespectful to me.
That bad time of my life left a permanent trauma to me; even though I seem to be sweet and chaste, I carry and intense, venomous hatred larger than life inside myself. And sometimes it spouts out- when I'm under physical stress, I feel the need to curse, shout out loud and insult people rudely. Sometimes I feel that people who have been cruel to me deserve it- but the logical part of me tells me that I should show them that I am smarter and more mature than them, and there's no way fighting fire with fire, and besides, like I told I respect the Threefold Law, and I am afraid that it strikes me.
I'd like to go to psychotherapy, but because of some problems with the Social Insurance Institution of Finland I can't go to threapy until after two years.
So, please give me tips, advice, spells how to decrease the anger in myself. Please do not suggest meditation, because I'm afraid I don't believe in it.
Peace& Love
Miia ♥
Like I told in my introduction post, I'm a Wicca. I have two guidelines in my life, the Wiccan Rede "An it harm no one, do what thou will" and the Trheefold Law, every bad and good act you do returns to you thrice as bad or good energy. That's the reason I try to live faultlessly, respecting everyone, not harming or insulting anyone. But there is this thing that has bothered me for a while...
Last year I ended up in a mental hospital because of my schizophrenia and suicidal thoughts. I had really good time at the hospital, but last winter when I was transferred to the "rehabilitation ward", the nurses insulted and mocked me and were all around nasty and disrespectful to me.
That bad time of my life left a permanent trauma to me; even though I seem to be sweet and chaste, I carry and intense, venomous hatred larger than life inside myself. And sometimes it spouts out- when I'm under physical stress, I feel the need to curse, shout out loud and insult people rudely. Sometimes I feel that people who have been cruel to me deserve it- but the logical part of me tells me that I should show them that I am smarter and more mature than them, and there's no way fighting fire with fire, and besides, like I told I respect the Threefold Law, and I am afraid that it strikes me.
I'd like to go to psychotherapy, but because of some problems with the Social Insurance Institution of Finland I can't go to threapy until after two years.
So, please give me tips, advice, spells how to decrease the anger in myself. Please do not suggest meditation, because I'm afraid I don't believe in it.
Peace& Love
Miia ♥