For if you give up hope, love was right to leave you.
Once again, I've waited almost a full year to make a post on here. It's sad, but I just haven't had the desire to blog. But now, now I do.
First of all, a little bit of catchup. For anyone who doesn't know, in August I had an Office Space moment and realized that my life was going absolutely no where. A dead end, corporate job in a call center, in a position that I could never advance from. Sitting on my ass recording phone calls, evaluating employee performance, living in a shithole of a Baltimore suburb, living hand to mouth, and hating my life so much I could not see straight. On a whim, I submitted an application to a place I never thought would hire me, and I got hired. I have since relocated to Fairfax, Virginia. Yes! I once again escaped the dirty confines of that horrible spreadeagled state. Only one step over, but its still not Maryland.
I cant say what the job is, but suffice to say...its a gaming geek's wet dream. I am absolutely in love with it and I love what I do.
I basically bought out my lease, uprooted everything, kissed VetCentric's sorry ass goodbye, and found a room with a coworker in a rundown family home that was turned into apartments in Herndon, VA. That has been hell, because we dont even have a kitchen, or a bathtub. Only a shower. And we have what was once the master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms of the upstairs as our apartment. No oven, kitchen, etc. BUT...the last nail has been set into thefoundation, as we signed a lease on a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment in Fairfax yesterday, and we move in a month from yesterday. I have a huge bedroom, a bathroom, and I even get a vanity in my room and a dressing area! W00000000000000t!
In other news, it is time to address the title of this entry. I am sure you are expecting something sad, or the typical Jade/Vinnie waxing off about the horrible trainwreck that is his lovelife. But, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for me to sing another tune, because the unthinkable has happened.
Yesterday, after realizing that getting back with an ex (AND NO NOT HIM, dont go there), I ended that, realizing that I was just going to put myself back into something out of loneliness and a desire to not be alone anymore. I realized it was a bad idea, and I spent a good chunk of yesterday bawling, being bitter, and extremely angry at the world. You know, typical me if you have ever seen me drunk and single. I sat online, listening to sad music, and out of sheer boredom logged onto gay.com. I sat in the chatroom for a good 30 minutes, scrolling through the endless barrage of 40 year old trolls clad in spandex or thongs, wanting to technicolor yawn all over my desk. Finally, I just minimized the damn thing, and went to watch Desperate Housewives. Honestly I thought that I had closed it out, and went about my business. And then....then.....I heard that ding that announces I have a private message. I raised my eyebrows, pulled a questionable 'Mrow?' and maximized the blinking window.
Not lying....when I clicked on the profile of the person messaging me, my fucking jaw hit the god damned floor and I almost fell out of my chair. Blonde. Brilliant piercing eyes. A smile that transformed a face Adonis would weep at into a beaming ray of gentlness, caring, and comfort. I was just floored. He was...beautiful. Even that word seems to not describe what I felt when I saw his picture. And yes, you think I'm just smitten. But, to me, he was absolutely gorgeous.
And that was just his looks...as we started to talk, a feeling crept up my spine...at first of gentle surprise, escalating into a thought of 'alright, who the fuck gave this guy the checklist on how to utterly floor me?' The conversation began with the usual hello and hey whats up...and I told him I was going to play a zombie game, he said he was about to watch a crappy horror movie. Intrigued, the conversation continued, and there was not a single awkward moment. Not one.
Everything mentioned was like a target hit in the bullseye. He loves Sailor Moon. He knows who Sarah Brightman is. He loves horror movies. Like a machine gun going off at a stationary target, every one was dead on. It was amazing, we kept talking, and talking, nonstop. It was seriously amazing, and we hit it off so well. His personality was so fucking attractive, and I found myself smiling, laughing, and carrying on as if I had known him longer than a few minutes. We both had the same reaction to each other.
As we kept talking, my desire to meet him grew a thousandfold. And finally, I came out with "If you dont ask me out soon, I am going to ask you." He laughed, and asked me out. :-P Of course I said yes. Well, we kept talking, and then finally we decided we didnt want to wait to meet, since I wouldnt be free until next weekend. We decided to be daring and hang out the same night.
I was wary, because there is always the very high chance that getting along with someone online does not mean you will interact the same IRL. Plus there is the Medusa factor. No matter how good a picture may look, you may be turned to stone by a person IRL upon meeting them. Or they might think the same of you. On the way to pick him up to hang out, I had butterflies whirling around within my stomach like it was my prom night and I was waiting for the limo. It was a fifteen minute drive, and we texted back and forth the entire time. yes, I text and drive..sue me.
Finally, I arrived, and he came out. As soon as I locked eyes on him, all of my fear of what I experienced talking to him online would not be the same fell away. Just seeing him, I was instantly like 100% percent attracted, no doubt about it. He had told me he looked like crap that night, but damn that boy's definition of looking like crap!
Anyway, he had me park so I could go in and meet his friend, who wanted to look me over and meet me briefly, which I that was totally respectable. We did so, and then we got on our way back to my place. It was wonderful, because our conversation started immediately and did not stop. Everything that I felt when talking to him carried over into RL, and we basically picked up right where we left off talking online. Being in the car, talking with him, I just could not believe how lucky I was to have met someone this freaking amazing and cool.
The night just got better from there. We only had a couple hours to hang out, but hang out we did, and talk, a lot. Yes, dearies, other things as well. *lascivous grin* But this was not a hop into bed and then everything was done and gone. While we were tumbling around, we would pause and start talking more. That's how you know there is something there..your desire to rip each other's clothes off is surpassed by the concept of talking to each other and going off on a tangent, and that is what we did.
The connection blew my mind. Being with him, I felt like I had been rejuvenated, because he really is something to write home about. He is the type of person I have been hoping that I would meet for so long and never did. I'm so comfortable with him, and we just eased right into being around each other. It was as smooth as putting on a warm, fur lined glove. I opened up to him without even thinking about it, and the moments we spent together felt so wonderful that I was almost moved to tears by the feelings. Things have been woken in me that I didnt think possible to experience again because I have been so bitter and jaded.
Suffice it to say, these feelings have not gone away 24 hours later. We have been in constant contact, and are going to see each other next Sunday. I smile when I think of him, we talked on and off all night tonight while I was at work. You know what makes me know this is real? We arent saying 'OMG YOURE MY BOYFRIEND!!!,' and we are able to talk logically about our feelings and what we have found here. We went on one date, and it was amazing, but we are not playing the whole instantrelationship thing. The feelings that we say we felt upon spending time with each other are mutual and are not lessening, and we both agree that we have found something here.
I am filled with so much joy at the prospect of getting to know this wonderful, amazing boy. Yes, he may have flaws. Who doesn't? Lord knows I fucking do. I am not entering into something thinking Ive found someone perfect and unflawed. I am entering into something with a man that managed to captivate my mind, body, and soul in a single evening by just being himself. I look forward to spending more time with him, and to possibly having this evolve in to something that will last for a VERY long time.
Hope may be the last thing that was left in Pandora's Box, but I held onto it, and never giving it up has allowed me the opportunity that now stands before me.
I am so happy I cannot even begin to express in words what this boy made me feel. This is going to be good, and amazing.
First of all, a little bit of catchup. For anyone who doesn't know, in August I had an Office Space moment and realized that my life was going absolutely no where. A dead end, corporate job in a call center, in a position that I could never advance from. Sitting on my ass recording phone calls, evaluating employee performance, living in a shithole of a Baltimore suburb, living hand to mouth, and hating my life so much I could not see straight. On a whim, I submitted an application to a place I never thought would hire me, and I got hired. I have since relocated to Fairfax, Virginia. Yes! I once again escaped the dirty confines of that horrible spreadeagled state. Only one step over, but its still not Maryland.
I cant say what the job is, but suffice to say...its a gaming geek's wet dream. I am absolutely in love with it and I love what I do.
I basically bought out my lease, uprooted everything, kissed VetCentric's sorry ass goodbye, and found a room with a coworker in a rundown family home that was turned into apartments in Herndon, VA. That has been hell, because we dont even have a kitchen, or a bathtub. Only a shower. And we have what was once the master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms of the upstairs as our apartment. No oven, kitchen, etc. BUT...the last nail has been set into thefoundation, as we signed a lease on a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment in Fairfax yesterday, and we move in a month from yesterday. I have a huge bedroom, a bathroom, and I even get a vanity in my room and a dressing area! W00000000000000t!
In other news, it is time to address the title of this entry. I am sure you are expecting something sad, or the typical Jade/Vinnie waxing off about the horrible trainwreck that is his lovelife. But, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for me to sing another tune, because the unthinkable has happened.
Yesterday, after realizing that getting back with an ex (AND NO NOT HIM, dont go there), I ended that, realizing that I was just going to put myself back into something out of loneliness and a desire to not be alone anymore. I realized it was a bad idea, and I spent a good chunk of yesterday bawling, being bitter, and extremely angry at the world. You know, typical me if you have ever seen me drunk and single. I sat online, listening to sad music, and out of sheer boredom logged onto gay.com. I sat in the chatroom for a good 30 minutes, scrolling through the endless barrage of 40 year old trolls clad in spandex or thongs, wanting to technicolor yawn all over my desk. Finally, I just minimized the damn thing, and went to watch Desperate Housewives. Honestly I thought that I had closed it out, and went about my business. And then....then.....I heard that ding that announces I have a private message. I raised my eyebrows, pulled a questionable 'Mrow?' and maximized the blinking window.
Not lying....when I clicked on the profile of the person messaging me, my fucking jaw hit the god damned floor and I almost fell out of my chair. Blonde. Brilliant piercing eyes. A smile that transformed a face Adonis would weep at into a beaming ray of gentlness, caring, and comfort. I was just floored. He was...beautiful. Even that word seems to not describe what I felt when I saw his picture. And yes, you think I'm just smitten. But, to me, he was absolutely gorgeous.
And that was just his looks...as we started to talk, a feeling crept up my spine...at first of gentle surprise, escalating into a thought of 'alright, who the fuck gave this guy the checklist on how to utterly floor me?' The conversation began with the usual hello and hey whats up...and I told him I was going to play a zombie game, he said he was about to watch a crappy horror movie. Intrigued, the conversation continued, and there was not a single awkward moment. Not one.
Everything mentioned was like a target hit in the bullseye. He loves Sailor Moon. He knows who Sarah Brightman is. He loves horror movies. Like a machine gun going off at a stationary target, every one was dead on. It was amazing, we kept talking, and talking, nonstop. It was seriously amazing, and we hit it off so well. His personality was so fucking attractive, and I found myself smiling, laughing, and carrying on as if I had known him longer than a few minutes. We both had the same reaction to each other.
As we kept talking, my desire to meet him grew a thousandfold. And finally, I came out with "If you dont ask me out soon, I am going to ask you." He laughed, and asked me out. :-P Of course I said yes. Well, we kept talking, and then finally we decided we didnt want to wait to meet, since I wouldnt be free until next weekend. We decided to be daring and hang out the same night.
I was wary, because there is always the very high chance that getting along with someone online does not mean you will interact the same IRL. Plus there is the Medusa factor. No matter how good a picture may look, you may be turned to stone by a person IRL upon meeting them. Or they might think the same of you. On the way to pick him up to hang out, I had butterflies whirling around within my stomach like it was my prom night and I was waiting for the limo. It was a fifteen minute drive, and we texted back and forth the entire time. yes, I text and drive..sue me.
Finally, I arrived, and he came out. As soon as I locked eyes on him, all of my fear of what I experienced talking to him online would not be the same fell away. Just seeing him, I was instantly like 100% percent attracted, no doubt about it. He had told me he looked like crap that night, but damn that boy's definition of looking like crap!
Anyway, he had me park so I could go in and meet his friend, who wanted to look me over and meet me briefly, which I that was totally respectable. We did so, and then we got on our way back to my place. It was wonderful, because our conversation started immediately and did not stop. Everything that I felt when talking to him carried over into RL, and we basically picked up right where we left off talking online. Being in the car, talking with him, I just could not believe how lucky I was to have met someone this freaking amazing and cool.
The night just got better from there. We only had a couple hours to hang out, but hang out we did, and talk, a lot. Yes, dearies, other things as well. *lascivous grin* But this was not a hop into bed and then everything was done and gone. While we were tumbling around, we would pause and start talking more. That's how you know there is something there..your desire to rip each other's clothes off is surpassed by the concept of talking to each other and going off on a tangent, and that is what we did.
The connection blew my mind. Being with him, I felt like I had been rejuvenated, because he really is something to write home about. He is the type of person I have been hoping that I would meet for so long and never did. I'm so comfortable with him, and we just eased right into being around each other. It was as smooth as putting on a warm, fur lined glove. I opened up to him without even thinking about it, and the moments we spent together felt so wonderful that I was almost moved to tears by the feelings. Things have been woken in me that I didnt think possible to experience again because I have been so bitter and jaded.
Suffice it to say, these feelings have not gone away 24 hours later. We have been in constant contact, and are going to see each other next Sunday. I smile when I think of him, we talked on and off all night tonight while I was at work. You know what makes me know this is real? We arent saying 'OMG YOURE MY BOYFRIEND!!!,' and we are able to talk logically about our feelings and what we have found here. We went on one date, and it was amazing, but we are not playing the whole instantrelationship thing. The feelings that we say we felt upon spending time with each other are mutual and are not lessening, and we both agree that we have found something here.
I am filled with so much joy at the prospect of getting to know this wonderful, amazing boy. Yes, he may have flaws. Who doesn't? Lord knows I fucking do. I am not entering into something thinking Ive found someone perfect and unflawed. I am entering into something with a man that managed to captivate my mind, body, and soul in a single evening by just being himself. I look forward to spending more time with him, and to possibly having this evolve in to something that will last for a VERY long time.
Hope may be the last thing that was left in Pandora's Box, but I held onto it, and never giving it up has allowed me the opportunity that now stands before me.
I am so happy I cannot even begin to express in words what this boy made me feel. This is going to be good, and amazing.