It All Slides Back In Place
It All Slides Back In Place
Part One of Las Vegas
So as my break between seasons of BB came close to an end I headed off for one last wedding-Raquel and Sonny's ceremony was to be in Las Vegas. This would be exciting on its own but I would also be able to spend some time with Naomi. (And actually see her apartment for the first time since she had moved to Sin City.)
It was a bit hard getting myself out the door for Vegas-I think I had become a bit burnt out on all the travel and I couldn't even seem to manage to select a wardrobe for the weekend much less the actual event. (If you know me then you know this is shocking) As I went through all the motions I finally managed to pull a collection of sorts together and made my flight in record time.
One of the few things I have realized in all my recent travels is just how much I have come to love flying. I'm not sure what it is but the pure act of being in the air brings out the wistful and reflective part of my personality. I never seem to worry but instead study the landscape and the sky as well as my emotions when mid-flight and somehow it feels relaxing more than navel gazing. I was wondering what was going to be the next thing for me-sure all the weddings and friends and travel and families were nice but what was next for me? As we finally made our descent into Vegas I was a bit sad that I had to get off the plane. I know--weird.
I had decided to fly in a day earlier than most of the other guests so that I could get at least one full night of fun with Naomi before the full on pandemonium hit. After a bit of struggle at the baggage claim (as well as my first run in with the 'Thunder From Down Under' all male revue poster) I managed to find my way out to the curb with quite a bit of fanfare. Naomi was there to meet me and we made our off towards her neighborhood and just chatting away the whole time.
Now Vegas is one of those towns that seems to suffer a split personality-one minute the brazen vixen with all the whistles and bells of The Strip-but there is the flip side of the coin. As Naomi and I drove across the length of the city I saw how empty and deserted the city is beyond the casinos and hotels-a plain Jane of spinster proportions. Naomi explained to me how where she lived was all new buildings-the entire two blocks around her building had just been built in the last year and half-most of them empty store fronts with huge stretches of desert between the neighborhoods.
We decided that we would just stay in Naomi's place and cook dinner because there weren't any restaurants near her-they all had yet to open due to construction. We spent the night on her couch with pizzas and beer, watching films and playing scrabble and just catching up. I wore sweatpants (I KNOW!) and a baseball cap and just relaxed into conversation and gossip. It was nice to just be able to not feel like I was on even if I had to sleep on the floor to do so. It was like urban camping.
The next morning we took a leisurely start to the day with coffee and bad television as our company. Eventually we decided that we should do something productive and so we did what we do best-we hit the outlets for a round of unnecessary shopping. We tried on ridiculous outfits at American Apparel while sneaking in pictures of all the foolishness between bouts of boy talk and work rehashing. I felt bad that I hadn't been to visit her since she had moved but she constantly came back to Los Angeles so it hadn't been long since we had hung out. It was just different.
Then it was time for me to finally check into my hotel and get myself settled in for all the nuptial adventures to come. I was staying by myself-a first in Vegas-mostly because I didn't know many of the guests coming and the few I did were coupled up-married coupled up-so I didn't have much of a choice of roommates. After a bit of a room fiasco-which involved me having to change rooms due to mold-I was finally able to unpack and settle in after saying bye to Naomi.
Now I don't know if this makes me weird ort not but whenever I travel I always have to unpack and get settled right away. Not just with hanging clothes or throwing my toiletries in the bathroom but with finding the video channel on the television (so I have music), burning a stick of incense (to make the room smell familiar), putting out my journal (so that I can take notes), whatever book I am reading ('Henry and June' by Anais Nin) as well as a picture or two for the nightstand and possibly a blanket or pillow. I guess it makes me a bit of a nester but I have done this even since I was a child being shuttled between my parents' homes.
Finally comfortable, I managed to polish off a large water and made myself ready for a nap. I was surprised when I laid back on my bed and realized that I had a mirror above it. I was kind of fascinated by how I looked laying back in the sheets-it is just like that 'Golden Girls' episode where they said everything slides back in place. I looked awesome and debated take a photo of myself but overcame that Myspace urge.
After a nice long nap I lingered in bed-wondering what I should do next. Most of my friends coming in for the wedding wouldn't be in Las Vegas until later that night or were flying in the next morning. Besides that, most of them were part of the bridal party which meant that the girls would be busy doing all the last minute rushing that any wedding requires. Having just done my time in the last few ceremonies I knew that it would be unlikely I would see any of them so I was just left to my own devices as I made my way out of the hotel.
I made a couple of quick runs down the Strip for various things-water and vodka, snacks and smokes, gum and hair gel. I'm not a huge gambler (not at all) and drinking alone reeks of desperation so I was making my way back to the hotel with my bags as my cell phone rang. I had a bit of a struggle to answer the phone. It was Nolan.
Turns out that Nolan had just arrived in Vegas, he was curious as to what was up and I explained to him that everyone else was either on their way later that night or arriving the next morning. We could hang out later but it would just be us-everyone else would still be MIA. Nolan explained he had just gotten to his room and wanted to go eat something but maybe we could meet up later. I agreed with his idea and we made plans to call each other around ten o'clock-it was Vegas and that was as good as a start time as any.
I made my way back to my hotel to drop off my bags and change-into what I wasn't sure-and on my way I ran into Rod on the Strip, cell phone glued to his ear. Rod was on of the groomsman in the wedding as well as one of my co-workers from 'Big Brother'. We quickly exchanged pleasantries as we continued on our separate ways and promised to hang out later that weekend. Turns out there was going to be more people than I thought I knew at the wedding.
I quickly changed clothes and decided to head out for coffee and a snack. I made my way down the Strip as I debated where to go. I wasn't super hungry so I decided to hit the Planet Hollywood mall-one of my favorites-for Starbucks and a muffin. I window shopped my way through the various stores and tried to figure out what I really wanted to do. As I picked my way through H & M, Urban Outfitters and French Connection I thought about what type of things Nolan and I could that wouldn't involve too much drinking-we had decided not to get to drunk that night because of the rehearsal dinner tomorrow and we both wanted to be hangover free.
The one thing I kept coming back to was how I wanted to go dancing and as much as I loved Nolan I couldn't really see us both cutting a rug with any degree of success. But it was what I really felt like doing-that and getting into trouble. But it felt kind of unfair to try and do something that Nolan wouldn't really want to. It felt selfish which brought me back to a conversation I had recently.
The previous weekend in Los Angeles Lola and I had gone out to coffee late one night to talk about boys and weddings and to just catch up. One of things we had talked about-in depth-was the idea of being selfish and how necessary it could be sometimes. Both of us had been running ragged doing things for weddings and showers and birthdays and a million other small events. Lola talked about she had plans for something decadent for herself alone-something that Raquel had encouraged her to do. That maybe sometimes you have to just drop out of sight and go take care of you. So I made a decision.
While I wasn't going to discount Nolan and mine's plans for the evening I was going to take off and do what I want. As I thought about it I realized that I really wanted to go not only dancing but gay dancing at the one gay club on the Strip. 9Krave) Without even realizing I was doing it I had been wandering the area of the Strip where the club was located and I took that as a sign to go off and try and see what I could do. I was in town-mostly by myself-with my own hotel room and nothing but free time so what was I waiting on?
Decision made, I quickly hit a bathroom to give myself a once over outfit wise. I played with my hair and adjusted a couple of things before I took off to the club entrance. I debated, as I waited in line, about texting Nolan but it wasn't ten yet so I figured I could go in, get settled and if it wasn't working out then I could just head off to meet him. I wasn't sure really what a Vegas club on the Strip would be like-in terms of differences but I was eager and willing.
I was a bit disappointed that Krave seemed just like every other club I had been to but I was determined to give it a serious try. That and I figured that being in a club in a vacation hot spot would probably be a bit more crazy than any one back home. I tend to find on vacation I-like most people-get a bit more crazy and was hoping that would play in my favor. After a drink or two and some people watching I finally hit the dance floor.
To say I had a blast would be an understatement. While there was a lot of the same old club drama you find anywhere-who's hitting on who, what couple is having drama, who's getting shot down-I also found things to be a bit friendlier than most clubs. I ended up dancing with a doppelganger of Kirby and her girlfriend Wynona-so much a pair of doppelgangers they were that I originally thought it could have been them-as well as dancing with a couple of local college guys. It was really fun and I guess it showed on my face.
I took a break and made my way to the bar for a breather. There was this one guy at the bar who kept helping me out with my drinks. He wasn't a bartender but he seemed to know them all and was constantly keeping me plied with soda and water. (I was being good damn it!) We kept drifting in and out of bits of conversation as I made frequent trips between the dance floor and the bar. He finally stopped me after about an hour of this and was blunt.
'What do I have to do to get you to stay still for ten minutes?'
I have to admit I was flattered and I took the bait. He was really cute with sloppy hair and amazing eyes, a nice smile and a slightly tight t-shirt, plus a goofy laugh that made me take pause. We swapped names (His was Harry) and back stories-turns out that he was a local and a part time bar back for the club. We talked about Los Angeles and Las Vegas, about graduate school (him for journalism) and reality television (more my career than shows) and about why I was in town. We actually ended up getting dragged out to dance by the doppelgangers even though Harry was working. We had as many intense moments as you can without being drunk (me) and being at work (him.)
We actually ended up dancing for quite a few songs before he was called back to the bar for work. The doppelgangers grilled me on what the deal was and I didn't know what to say. Sensing it was getting late, I felt that maybe I should leave the club and try to get some good sleep so I started to make my good byes. I looked at my phone to get the time and realized that Nolan had called twice. Feeling guilty I headed outside to call him back.
Nolan answered on the third ring and I asked him what was up and what did he want to do. He told me that he was at a 'poetry reading'-our slang for strip clubs-and I admitted that I was out 'sporting with the boys'-our slang for gay clubbing. We both agreed that we should keep at what we were doing and that we could just hook up to hang out tomorrow. Pushing my guilt away I headed back in for an actual drink (shocker) before I headed home. I was a too wired to sleep and figured some vodka could take the edge off.
As I stood at the bar slowly sipping my vodka diet coke Harry came and joined me for a moment. He explained that the club was going be closing soon and he would be staying late to close up but if I was interested we could go grab some food afterwards. I debated my options but realized that it was way too late to eat-and he would be another hour at least so I passed.
Instead of being shot down, Harry took my phone out of my pocket and swiped my number-he was going to try and call me so we could hang out since I was going to be in town till Monday. Normally I would be put off by such behavior but he was cute and I have never made out with an Asian boy so I let it slide. He leaned in to slip my phone in my back pocket and we were so close-for a second I thought he might kiss me. Instead he just held my gaze for about 10 seconds before the bartender came over and yelled at us.
Laughing at Harry, I finished my drink and promised that we could make time later. As I headed out of the club, making my way down the crowded Strip for a second I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in 'Sex and the City', high and giggly and juts making my way through the busy city with a busier heart. It can be amazing how a little attention from an attractive and fun guy can make me so weirdly glowy but there it is.
As I settled into bed with my music on and a freshly showered self, I just stared up at the ceiling and making silly faces in the mirror. Sure I was being foolish and selfish but man it feels good. While it's important to take care of others…some times it feels good to take care of yourself.
LJ ONLY
I know, I know.... Which is Funnier--me and Nolan out and dancing together with him in his gloves and leather or Lola talking about how she has to struggle to be selfish sometimes? I mean--there is irony and then there is just the world making fun of you.
like honestly
Part One of Las Vegas
So as my break between seasons of BB came close to an end I headed off for one last wedding-Raquel and Sonny's ceremony was to be in Las Vegas. This would be exciting on its own but I would also be able to spend some time with Naomi. (And actually see her apartment for the first time since she had moved to Sin City.)
It was a bit hard getting myself out the door for Vegas-I think I had become a bit burnt out on all the travel and I couldn't even seem to manage to select a wardrobe for the weekend much less the actual event. (If you know me then you know this is shocking) As I went through all the motions I finally managed to pull a collection of sorts together and made my flight in record time.
One of the few things I have realized in all my recent travels is just how much I have come to love flying. I'm not sure what it is but the pure act of being in the air brings out the wistful and reflective part of my personality. I never seem to worry but instead study the landscape and the sky as well as my emotions when mid-flight and somehow it feels relaxing more than navel gazing. I was wondering what was going to be the next thing for me-sure all the weddings and friends and travel and families were nice but what was next for me? As we finally made our descent into Vegas I was a bit sad that I had to get off the plane. I know--weird.
I had decided to fly in a day earlier than most of the other guests so that I could get at least one full night of fun with Naomi before the full on pandemonium hit. After a bit of struggle at the baggage claim (as well as my first run in with the 'Thunder From Down Under' all male revue poster) I managed to find my way out to the curb with quite a bit of fanfare. Naomi was there to meet me and we made our off towards her neighborhood and just chatting away the whole time.
Now Vegas is one of those towns that seems to suffer a split personality-one minute the brazen vixen with all the whistles and bells of The Strip-but there is the flip side of the coin. As Naomi and I drove across the length of the city I saw how empty and deserted the city is beyond the casinos and hotels-a plain Jane of spinster proportions. Naomi explained to me how where she lived was all new buildings-the entire two blocks around her building had just been built in the last year and half-most of them empty store fronts with huge stretches of desert between the neighborhoods.
We decided that we would just stay in Naomi's place and cook dinner because there weren't any restaurants near her-they all had yet to open due to construction. We spent the night on her couch with pizzas and beer, watching films and playing scrabble and just catching up. I wore sweatpants (I KNOW!) and a baseball cap and just relaxed into conversation and gossip. It was nice to just be able to not feel like I was on even if I had to sleep on the floor to do so. It was like urban camping.
The next morning we took a leisurely start to the day with coffee and bad television as our company. Eventually we decided that we should do something productive and so we did what we do best-we hit the outlets for a round of unnecessary shopping. We tried on ridiculous outfits at American Apparel while sneaking in pictures of all the foolishness between bouts of boy talk and work rehashing. I felt bad that I hadn't been to visit her since she had moved but she constantly came back to Los Angeles so it hadn't been long since we had hung out. It was just different.
Then it was time for me to finally check into my hotel and get myself settled in for all the nuptial adventures to come. I was staying by myself-a first in Vegas-mostly because I didn't know many of the guests coming and the few I did were coupled up-married coupled up-so I didn't have much of a choice of roommates. After a bit of a room fiasco-which involved me having to change rooms due to mold-I was finally able to unpack and settle in after saying bye to Naomi.
Now I don't know if this makes me weird ort not but whenever I travel I always have to unpack and get settled right away. Not just with hanging clothes or throwing my toiletries in the bathroom but with finding the video channel on the television (so I have music), burning a stick of incense (to make the room smell familiar), putting out my journal (so that I can take notes), whatever book I am reading ('Henry and June' by Anais Nin) as well as a picture or two for the nightstand and possibly a blanket or pillow. I guess it makes me a bit of a nester but I have done this even since I was a child being shuttled between my parents' homes.
Finally comfortable, I managed to polish off a large water and made myself ready for a nap. I was surprised when I laid back on my bed and realized that I had a mirror above it. I was kind of fascinated by how I looked laying back in the sheets-it is just like that 'Golden Girls' episode where they said everything slides back in place. I looked awesome and debated take a photo of myself but overcame that Myspace urge.
After a nice long nap I lingered in bed-wondering what I should do next. Most of my friends coming in for the wedding wouldn't be in Las Vegas until later that night or were flying in the next morning. Besides that, most of them were part of the bridal party which meant that the girls would be busy doing all the last minute rushing that any wedding requires. Having just done my time in the last few ceremonies I knew that it would be unlikely I would see any of them so I was just left to my own devices as I made my way out of the hotel.
I made a couple of quick runs down the Strip for various things-water and vodka, snacks and smokes, gum and hair gel. I'm not a huge gambler (not at all) and drinking alone reeks of desperation so I was making my way back to the hotel with my bags as my cell phone rang. I had a bit of a struggle to answer the phone. It was Nolan.
Turns out that Nolan had just arrived in Vegas, he was curious as to what was up and I explained to him that everyone else was either on their way later that night or arriving the next morning. We could hang out later but it would just be us-everyone else would still be MIA. Nolan explained he had just gotten to his room and wanted to go eat something but maybe we could meet up later. I agreed with his idea and we made plans to call each other around ten o'clock-it was Vegas and that was as good as a start time as any.
I made my way back to my hotel to drop off my bags and change-into what I wasn't sure-and on my way I ran into Rod on the Strip, cell phone glued to his ear. Rod was on of the groomsman in the wedding as well as one of my co-workers from 'Big Brother'. We quickly exchanged pleasantries as we continued on our separate ways and promised to hang out later that weekend. Turns out there was going to be more people than I thought I knew at the wedding.
I quickly changed clothes and decided to head out for coffee and a snack. I made my way down the Strip as I debated where to go. I wasn't super hungry so I decided to hit the Planet Hollywood mall-one of my favorites-for Starbucks and a muffin. I window shopped my way through the various stores and tried to figure out what I really wanted to do. As I picked my way through H & M, Urban Outfitters and French Connection I thought about what type of things Nolan and I could that wouldn't involve too much drinking-we had decided not to get to drunk that night because of the rehearsal dinner tomorrow and we both wanted to be hangover free.
The one thing I kept coming back to was how I wanted to go dancing and as much as I loved Nolan I couldn't really see us both cutting a rug with any degree of success. But it was what I really felt like doing-that and getting into trouble. But it felt kind of unfair to try and do something that Nolan wouldn't really want to. It felt selfish which brought me back to a conversation I had recently.
The previous weekend in Los Angeles Lola and I had gone out to coffee late one night to talk about boys and weddings and to just catch up. One of things we had talked about-in depth-was the idea of being selfish and how necessary it could be sometimes. Both of us had been running ragged doing things for weddings and showers and birthdays and a million other small events. Lola talked about she had plans for something decadent for herself alone-something that Raquel had encouraged her to do. That maybe sometimes you have to just drop out of sight and go take care of you. So I made a decision.
While I wasn't going to discount Nolan and mine's plans for the evening I was going to take off and do what I want. As I thought about it I realized that I really wanted to go not only dancing but gay dancing at the one gay club on the Strip. 9Krave) Without even realizing I was doing it I had been wandering the area of the Strip where the club was located and I took that as a sign to go off and try and see what I could do. I was in town-mostly by myself-with my own hotel room and nothing but free time so what was I waiting on?
Decision made, I quickly hit a bathroom to give myself a once over outfit wise. I played with my hair and adjusted a couple of things before I took off to the club entrance. I debated, as I waited in line, about texting Nolan but it wasn't ten yet so I figured I could go in, get settled and if it wasn't working out then I could just head off to meet him. I wasn't sure really what a Vegas club on the Strip would be like-in terms of differences but I was eager and willing.
I was a bit disappointed that Krave seemed just like every other club I had been to but I was determined to give it a serious try. That and I figured that being in a club in a vacation hot spot would probably be a bit more crazy than any one back home. I tend to find on vacation I-like most people-get a bit more crazy and was hoping that would play in my favor. After a drink or two and some people watching I finally hit the dance floor.
To say I had a blast would be an understatement. While there was a lot of the same old club drama you find anywhere-who's hitting on who, what couple is having drama, who's getting shot down-I also found things to be a bit friendlier than most clubs. I ended up dancing with a doppelganger of Kirby and her girlfriend Wynona-so much a pair of doppelgangers they were that I originally thought it could have been them-as well as dancing with a couple of local college guys. It was really fun and I guess it showed on my face.
I took a break and made my way to the bar for a breather. There was this one guy at the bar who kept helping me out with my drinks. He wasn't a bartender but he seemed to know them all and was constantly keeping me plied with soda and water. (I was being good damn it!) We kept drifting in and out of bits of conversation as I made frequent trips between the dance floor and the bar. He finally stopped me after about an hour of this and was blunt.
'What do I have to do to get you to stay still for ten minutes?'
I have to admit I was flattered and I took the bait. He was really cute with sloppy hair and amazing eyes, a nice smile and a slightly tight t-shirt, plus a goofy laugh that made me take pause. We swapped names (His was Harry) and back stories-turns out that he was a local and a part time bar back for the club. We talked about Los Angeles and Las Vegas, about graduate school (him for journalism) and reality television (more my career than shows) and about why I was in town. We actually ended up getting dragged out to dance by the doppelgangers even though Harry was working. We had as many intense moments as you can without being drunk (me) and being at work (him.)
We actually ended up dancing for quite a few songs before he was called back to the bar for work. The doppelgangers grilled me on what the deal was and I didn't know what to say. Sensing it was getting late, I felt that maybe I should leave the club and try to get some good sleep so I started to make my good byes. I looked at my phone to get the time and realized that Nolan had called twice. Feeling guilty I headed outside to call him back.
Nolan answered on the third ring and I asked him what was up and what did he want to do. He told me that he was at a 'poetry reading'-our slang for strip clubs-and I admitted that I was out 'sporting with the boys'-our slang for gay clubbing. We both agreed that we should keep at what we were doing and that we could just hook up to hang out tomorrow. Pushing my guilt away I headed back in for an actual drink (shocker) before I headed home. I was a too wired to sleep and figured some vodka could take the edge off.
As I stood at the bar slowly sipping my vodka diet coke Harry came and joined me for a moment. He explained that the club was going be closing soon and he would be staying late to close up but if I was interested we could go grab some food afterwards. I debated my options but realized that it was way too late to eat-and he would be another hour at least so I passed.
Instead of being shot down, Harry took my phone out of my pocket and swiped my number-he was going to try and call me so we could hang out since I was going to be in town till Monday. Normally I would be put off by such behavior but he was cute and I have never made out with an Asian boy so I let it slide. He leaned in to slip my phone in my back pocket and we were so close-for a second I thought he might kiss me. Instead he just held my gaze for about 10 seconds before the bartender came over and yelled at us.
Laughing at Harry, I finished my drink and promised that we could make time later. As I headed out of the club, making my way down the crowded Strip for a second I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in 'Sex and the City', high and giggly and juts making my way through the busy city with a busier heart. It can be amazing how a little attention from an attractive and fun guy can make me so weirdly glowy but there it is.
As I settled into bed with my music on and a freshly showered self, I just stared up at the ceiling and making silly faces in the mirror. Sure I was being foolish and selfish but man it feels good. While it's important to take care of others…some times it feels good to take care of yourself.
LJ ONLY
I know, I know.... Which is Funnier--me and Nolan out and dancing together with him in his gloves and leather or Lola talking about how she has to struggle to be selfish sometimes? I mean--there is irony and then there is just the world making fun of you.
like honestly