Hi honey!!
WELL!!!
The charge nurse may have backed the fuck off. We both worked the same day one after I wrote, and she was talking to me nicely. I don't really care if she doesn't like me. I just don't want her to try to embarrass me or nit pick at me. IDK if I mentioned that her friend brutally dished about how the "in" crowd never accepted her and her mom never said one good thing about her.. I was like DAMN! I better not tell this girl anything. Since then a different charge nurse has been on the floor. She is not very friendly to me, and I heard she also thinks she's above other people and whatnot. but for some reason I find her less scary (if I even still find the first nurse scary...). I guess what is scary is conflict with someone I have to work with.
Work is getting stressful. I was just helping and following my nurse around, but now she is making me work more independently. I guess it's good (ish) because I do always like the get the hard crap out of the way early, but It's happening fast. I had one patient yesterday, 2 today, and when I go back Friday I will have 3. I may not seem like a lot, but when you factor in medications, charting, and dealing with family it really fills up the day. I'm glad with my preceptor. She is a lover of jesus. It may seem silly, but I feel like I got paired with an angel. Haha idk but she is a very good communicator and explainer. She tells me she's my adoptive mother and talks about farting with me! haha. She also speaks in a Phillipino accent that I cannot get out of my head after work sometimes.
I still applied for the internships in pediatrics. I feel so inexperienced in this whole process. I fear getting in trouble if I were to tell my director that I'm quitting during or right after orientation. I have just realized I can't not do what I think I will love for someone else. People have jobs, quit them, and some are lucky enough to love their work. I want that, and if given the opportunity I don't think I can pass it up. I just don't want to disappoint or leave the director high and dry. She made me feel so welcome and taken care of. I thought she was going to be more of a mentor to me, but I haven't seen her very much at all. That makes me feel a little better about leaving, but I know it's just cause I think if she didn't live up to my mentoring expectations and wasn't around I would feel like the job didn't educate me as necessary. At the end of the day I guess this is adult life. Who knows if I will even get an internship.
I got my first check last week. YEHHAAWWW!!!!!! I was so happy...actually that yehaaww had more enthusiasm, but anyway it was more than expected. it feels good and secure having money in the bank. I was down to $95. I better go!! michael has to be asleep soon for school tomorrow. Tonight I get to sleep with him because I'm off for the next 3 days. Working 13hr shifts sucks, but having 4days/wk off is gewwd! :)
Oh and I decided I can name myself a delayed optimist. I get a situation I don't like, mourn the negatives, and then identify and appreciate the positives. It's the best I can do right now since I'm not a happy happy person. I am happy with that :)
The charge nurse may have backed the fuck off. We both worked the same day one after I wrote, and she was talking to me nicely. I don't really care if she doesn't like me. I just don't want her to try to embarrass me or nit pick at me. IDK if I mentioned that her friend brutally dished about how the "in" crowd never accepted her and her mom never said one good thing about her.. I was like DAMN! I better not tell this girl anything. Since then a different charge nurse has been on the floor. She is not very friendly to me, and I heard she also thinks she's above other people and whatnot. but for some reason I find her less scary (if I even still find the first nurse scary...). I guess what is scary is conflict with someone I have to work with.
Work is getting stressful. I was just helping and following my nurse around, but now she is making me work more independently. I guess it's good (ish) because I do always like the get the hard crap out of the way early, but It's happening fast. I had one patient yesterday, 2 today, and when I go back Friday I will have 3. I may not seem like a lot, but when you factor in medications, charting, and dealing with family it really fills up the day. I'm glad with my preceptor. She is a lover of jesus. It may seem silly, but I feel like I got paired with an angel. Haha idk but she is a very good communicator and explainer. She tells me she's my adoptive mother and talks about farting with me! haha. She also speaks in a Phillipino accent that I cannot get out of my head after work sometimes.
I still applied for the internships in pediatrics. I feel so inexperienced in this whole process. I fear getting in trouble if I were to tell my director that I'm quitting during or right after orientation. I have just realized I can't not do what I think I will love for someone else. People have jobs, quit them, and some are lucky enough to love their work. I want that, and if given the opportunity I don't think I can pass it up. I just don't want to disappoint or leave the director high and dry. She made me feel so welcome and taken care of. I thought she was going to be more of a mentor to me, but I haven't seen her very much at all. That makes me feel a little better about leaving, but I know it's just cause I think if she didn't live up to my mentoring expectations and wasn't around I would feel like the job didn't educate me as necessary. At the end of the day I guess this is adult life. Who knows if I will even get an internship.
I got my first check last week. YEHHAAWWW!!!!!! I was so happy...actually that yehaaww had more enthusiasm, but anyway it was more than expected. it feels good and secure having money in the bank. I was down to $95. I better go!! michael has to be asleep soon for school tomorrow. Tonight I get to sleep with him because I'm off for the next 3 days. Working 13hr shifts sucks, but having 4days/wk off is gewwd! :)
Oh and I decided I can name myself a delayed optimist. I get a situation I don't like, mourn the negatives, and then identify and appreciate the positives. It's the best I can do right now since I'm not a happy happy person. I am happy with that :)