and just so I don't go to sleep with it bothering me..
I completed my 4th day at work. The first week, aka 3 12hr shifts, was hard on my feet. I followed around this tall man who stands a lot and wow I was walking on my tippy toes at the end of the shift. I felt good otherwise. I did a lot of cool stuff and felt that I was fairly helpful for a newbie. I got a paraplegic with a tracheostomy yesterday. Today I ended up with the person who was on vacation my first week. She will be my preceptor in the unit for the next 7wks. I kind of wish I was still with the tall man, whom I have to just say did not wash his hands nearly enough :-/ ... but otherwise he is a great nurse. I ended up eating lunch with my preceptor and she started gossiping like a normal female at work, and then she spilled the news about how the charge nurse made someone from the night shift cry. Then she spilled about how she said I don't know anything.. I was kind of crushed because I was just saying yesterday, "the worst part is my feet are killing me- but that's good!" I basically meant I was happy people weren't being mean to me. I don't know if this is worse than my foot pain. I just hate having tension with people I have to see daily. What's even worse is she has a little authority and is said to feed on seeing people get their feelings hurt by her. I know I am prone to falling victim to this, but I also know I can lash out in anger when I feel the offense toward me is not rational.
Later in the shift a CNA, that had given me attitude earlier because I asked him to spray cleanser THAT WAS IN HIS HAND on a woman's shit covered vagina, gave me attitude again because I asked him to move the controls on a bed. He said "nothings going to happen if you don't do anything." I got a little heated because I had already tried fixing it. This bed moved levels in 3 places and it was completely different from the other beds on the unit. I asked him because he knew was he was doing. That same CNA asked the charge nurse if she wanted me to suction the tracheostomy because she was busy and she said, "jackie can't ... ... ..." and I was pretty much right behind her, so i said, "WHAT?" and from there it was like "Yes, I can I did that yester..." till I remembered I suctioned a mouth. The tracheostomy is a critical care skill i learned on a fake patient. I couldn't go prove myself, but I at least asserted myself in an effort to discourage her from thinking she can pray on me. She said, "I'm trying to save you" and blah blah. As long as she's fake being nice to be I don't give a fuck. I don't like being embarrassed in front of people, and I just hope my co-workers will form their own opinions about me.
I know I will need to be ready to catch shit from people who are under me in the chain of command but older and more experienced than me. I get it from that CNA's side, but damn. I mean I would've spayed the cleanser on her vagina if my gloved hand didn't have shit on it... yes, 3/4 of my patients shit on themselves today and did not feel it.... is that badass? I found myself wishing I had an easier job and not caring about the lower pay. With all due respect, CNA's are CNA's.... certified nurses' aids. I don't want to catch shit from this guy old enough to be my dad just because I ask him to do his job... ugh sorry I just had to get that out. I didn't really tell anyone about this today. Mike got a little summary, but I was just so happy to have time with him that we just watched TV. It's been sad getting use to not being with him when we would usually be together. It is a blow to the ego seeing him function without me, but I guess that's cause when I'm not working I want to hang with him cause i don't hang with anyone on regular time right now, and I have to be asleep at 11 on work nights. This weekend I worked SAT and SUN, so who knows what he did, but I know I would've loved to do it drunk with him as usual :(
Blah so after that I went from hoping everyone was cutting me slack for being incompetent because this is my first job as an RN to wondering who thinks I'm stupid and who else is talking behind my back.
I sometimes say I like when people think I'm stupid because I fly under their radar, and I would rather surprise someone than disappoint them. I remembered this and felt better. Work is different from school. I can't be there with crap on my mind on the verge of crying, and I can't be late. I will work with more determination than has ever been necessary because I cannot get squashed at work. I cannot let this lady prey on me.
So I thought I'd get on for an update and read Amanda's comment on my last journal, and it was just the pick me up I needed! Seriously I felt so much better after reading it, and I got to thinking. I don't need to get down on myself for not being a fucking expert on my 4th day at work. I just have to take on my weaknesses to become a more well rounded nurse. I worked very hard for this and I'm not gonna let this bitch ruin my experience at the hospital.. even though I'm still concerned she will crush me.. :-/
Somehow I know I'll be fine.
(or that I better believe it)
ok NO! I have to be like, "YEAH MOTHERFUCKER AINT NO BITCH FUCKIN WIT ME! I'M GOOOOD"
ps. Thank you Amanda!!!!
Later in the shift a CNA, that had given me attitude earlier because I asked him to spray cleanser THAT WAS IN HIS HAND on a woman's shit covered vagina, gave me attitude again because I asked him to move the controls on a bed. He said "nothings going to happen if you don't do anything." I got a little heated because I had already tried fixing it. This bed moved levels in 3 places and it was completely different from the other beds on the unit. I asked him because he knew was he was doing. That same CNA asked the charge nurse if she wanted me to suction the tracheostomy because she was busy and she said, "jackie can't ... ... ..." and I was pretty much right behind her, so i said, "WHAT?" and from there it was like "Yes, I can I did that yester..." till I remembered I suctioned a mouth. The tracheostomy is a critical care skill i learned on a fake patient. I couldn't go prove myself, but I at least asserted myself in an effort to discourage her from thinking she can pray on me. She said, "I'm trying to save you" and blah blah. As long as she's fake being nice to be I don't give a fuck. I don't like being embarrassed in front of people, and I just hope my co-workers will form their own opinions about me.
I know I will need to be ready to catch shit from people who are under me in the chain of command but older and more experienced than me. I get it from that CNA's side, but damn. I mean I would've spayed the cleanser on her vagina if my gloved hand didn't have shit on it... yes, 3/4 of my patients shit on themselves today and did not feel it.... is that badass? I found myself wishing I had an easier job and not caring about the lower pay. With all due respect, CNA's are CNA's.... certified nurses' aids. I don't want to catch shit from this guy old enough to be my dad just because I ask him to do his job... ugh sorry I just had to get that out. I didn't really tell anyone about this today. Mike got a little summary, but I was just so happy to have time with him that we just watched TV. It's been sad getting use to not being with him when we would usually be together. It is a blow to the ego seeing him function without me, but I guess that's cause when I'm not working I want to hang with him cause i don't hang with anyone on regular time right now, and I have to be asleep at 11 on work nights. This weekend I worked SAT and SUN, so who knows what he did, but I know I would've loved to do it drunk with him as usual :(
Blah so after that I went from hoping everyone was cutting me slack for being incompetent because this is my first job as an RN to wondering who thinks I'm stupid and who else is talking behind my back.
I sometimes say I like when people think I'm stupid because I fly under their radar, and I would rather surprise someone than disappoint them. I remembered this and felt better. Work is different from school. I can't be there with crap on my mind on the verge of crying, and I can't be late. I will work with more determination than has ever been necessary because I cannot get squashed at work. I cannot let this lady prey on me.
So I thought I'd get on for an update and read Amanda's comment on my last journal, and it was just the pick me up I needed! Seriously I felt so much better after reading it, and I got to thinking. I don't need to get down on myself for not being a fucking expert on my 4th day at work. I just have to take on my weaknesses to become a more well rounded nurse. I worked very hard for this and I'm not gonna let this bitch ruin my experience at the hospital.. even though I'm still concerned she will crush me.. :-/
Somehow I know I'll be fine.
(or that I better believe it)
ok NO! I have to be like, "YEAH MOTHERFUCKER AINT NO BITCH FUCKIN WIT ME! I'M GOOOOD"
ps. Thank you Amanda!!!!