I don't know
how long these journal's stay alive, if you will, once they stop being written in. For some time I've thought I might be at the end of my rope with this account. 80% of the people on my friend's don't write in their journals. I no longer feel I can speak freely without having some bullshit reply like, "oh blah blah blah I say one thing and do another. " I've also been tired of the name for a long time.
I would rather be able to say whatever I want freely and have it stumbled upon by someone googling something with a similar phrase than continue to make innuendos toward the way things really are. I know only some people read my journal here and there, but it bugs the shit out of me that I can't come out and say everything. It has led to frustration and resentment. I have acknowledged to people in real life my biggest mistake this year, and a lesson well learned at that.
I really cherish the memories in this journal, even though some entries are just talking. That's probably the only reason I would think twice about it. Ummm... I take responsibility for not expressing my feelings to people. I try very hard to understand them, and don't say how I feel to avoid fighting, and that sometimes results in unresolved resentment and issues. I feel like I lost a lot this year, but when I look at it, I really only lost 1 big friendship that I know was already dying, and was horrifically let down by another in which I ignored all logical thoughts and predictions to gave that person and their unreliable word the benefit of the doubt. Again... Innuendo. Other than that, shit has been good. I just took those losses so hard because these girls mean so much to me, and I have no distractions from them because I spend a lot of time studying and can be shy when meeting people. I think it has felt like I lost a lot this year because I get on my favorite thing, my livejournal haha, and what do I see? - A reminder. I get on myspace and what do I see? - A reminder.
I have a couple of ideas for solutions, but of course I'll have to think things through. I really need some glucose. All I ate today was nuts and berries, and that was 6 hours ago. I'm getting agitated.
I would rather be able to say whatever I want freely and have it stumbled upon by someone googling something with a similar phrase than continue to make innuendos toward the way things really are. I know only some people read my journal here and there, but it bugs the shit out of me that I can't come out and say everything. It has led to frustration and resentment. I have acknowledged to people in real life my biggest mistake this year, and a lesson well learned at that.
I really cherish the memories in this journal, even though some entries are just talking. That's probably the only reason I would think twice about it. Ummm... I take responsibility for not expressing my feelings to people. I try very hard to understand them, and don't say how I feel to avoid fighting, and that sometimes results in unresolved resentment and issues. I feel like I lost a lot this year, but when I look at it, I really only lost 1 big friendship that I know was already dying, and was horrifically let down by another in which I ignored all logical thoughts and predictions to gave that person and their unreliable word the benefit of the doubt. Again... Innuendo. Other than that, shit has been good. I just took those losses so hard because these girls mean so much to me, and I have no distractions from them because I spend a lot of time studying and can be shy when meeting people. I think it has felt like I lost a lot this year because I get on my favorite thing, my livejournal haha, and what do I see? - A reminder. I get on myspace and what do I see? - A reminder.
I have a couple of ideas for solutions, but of course I'll have to think things through. I really need some glucose. All I ate today was nuts and berries, and that was 6 hours ago. I'm getting agitated.