a couple missing words and too long of lines in last version that bothered me
it's always so easy to see
that she is never where she wants to be,
ive imagined pushing our bodies into sand,
making small fissures in the dark wet land
and the waves coming up to smooth it all out perfectly again,
but it's just a dream, just a boy's little scheme,
because that's not where she wants to be
another land she's seen but one or twice
where the heat fuels passion and passion begets vice
but not the kind that gets you no where, like in dorm rooms with boys that add you to thier lists,
no, the kind of lust that fills your soul to the very brim of the body and clenching toes and sheet filled fists,
you didnt know you could ever really feel. didnt know it existed really,
not untill life waned in that little bit of fury.
i've seen her in classes
wearing long earings and sea horse necklaces
it dangles right between her breasts
and i dont ever mean to stare, dont mean to look so obsessed,
she learns and listens, yells and sneezes
and we laughed at water bottle accidents
in the way where nothing was funny, but the smile didn't leave us,
it's there for its moment and wont give it up to anything,
won't let you take it away no matter what you're feeling,
but once it's gone, there's more quieted than white teeth between thin red lips, nesseled in curling hair getting blonder with the sun each day,
she isn't where she wants to be,
not a place that heals her,
not a place she even seems to see,
just a feeling she got somewhere else,
a place far away from all the false, idols and soap
and parents that bark, a place that isn't perminent
like fissures in the sand that flee visably in the dark
but i don't care if what i see,
is even what she beleives really,
it's jsut that when i see her look out,
at something far and not there,
her cheeks bunch up to her eyes as she pushs back her hair,
it makes me think, it makes me realize, all those things of time,
of life that runs like paint in splashed on thinner, layers you build up on the blank,
think are so beautiful, only to watch them fade,
run away,
someday like they were fake,
but what will last, longer than bone, longer than a disk to put in some computer a home,
what will be as gold, like gold seems to me and her,
untouchably rare and beautiful just because it's not here but there.
and it's so plain to see,
that she is never where she wants to be,
not fully, not wholly or intentionally.
and it makes just another night in summer linger
with black cloves that crackle and pop little life
into the night,
sitting on my porch as early forth of july fireworks go up and light the sky,
making the baby next store wake up from automated lullabys and cry,
and the little boy accross the street, who isnt even thinking that the fun will ever cease, just waiting for lights to go up and explode, he laughs before the boom even catchs up to the now in his world alone,
he sees me sitting, blowing smoke farther then breath should go in the summer air, and asks his mom "who's that gir?l", "don't say that, it's a boy with long hair"
and i laughed opened to door to retreat, it's not where i want to be,
not fully, just so too easy and even intently,
with a breeze like a true girl's hands,
that would never judge, just caress the ach in my back from work i somtimes cant stand but i always go back,
and i think of that sea horse necklace always dangling between her breasts,
it's so easy to see, she's not where she wants to be,
and all i fucking do, is envy, envy, envy.
im like a drifter now, making the most of this land but not at home though born and here i stand,
at least i know there is more like me, than me.
~tommy
that she is never where she wants to be,
ive imagined pushing our bodies into sand,
making small fissures in the dark wet land
and the waves coming up to smooth it all out perfectly again,
but it's just a dream, just a boy's little scheme,
because that's not where she wants to be
another land she's seen but one or twice
where the heat fuels passion and passion begets vice
but not the kind that gets you no where, like in dorm rooms with boys that add you to thier lists,
no, the kind of lust that fills your soul to the very brim of the body and clenching toes and sheet filled fists,
you didnt know you could ever really feel. didnt know it existed really,
not untill life waned in that little bit of fury.
i've seen her in classes
wearing long earings and sea horse necklaces
it dangles right between her breasts
and i dont ever mean to stare, dont mean to look so obsessed,
she learns and listens, yells and sneezes
and we laughed at water bottle accidents
in the way where nothing was funny, but the smile didn't leave us,
it's there for its moment and wont give it up to anything,
won't let you take it away no matter what you're feeling,
but once it's gone, there's more quieted than white teeth between thin red lips, nesseled in curling hair getting blonder with the sun each day,
she isn't where she wants to be,
not a place that heals her,
not a place she even seems to see,
just a feeling she got somewhere else,
a place far away from all the false, idols and soap
and parents that bark, a place that isn't perminent
like fissures in the sand that flee visably in the dark
but i don't care if what i see,
is even what she beleives really,
it's jsut that when i see her look out,
at something far and not there,
her cheeks bunch up to her eyes as she pushs back her hair,
it makes me think, it makes me realize, all those things of time,
of life that runs like paint in splashed on thinner, layers you build up on the blank,
think are so beautiful, only to watch them fade,
run away,
someday like they were fake,
but what will last, longer than bone, longer than a disk to put in some computer a home,
what will be as gold, like gold seems to me and her,
untouchably rare and beautiful just because it's not here but there.
and it's so plain to see,
that she is never where she wants to be,
not fully, not wholly or intentionally.
and it makes just another night in summer linger
with black cloves that crackle and pop little life
into the night,
sitting on my porch as early forth of july fireworks go up and light the sky,
making the baby next store wake up from automated lullabys and cry,
and the little boy accross the street, who isnt even thinking that the fun will ever cease, just waiting for lights to go up and explode, he laughs before the boom even catchs up to the now in his world alone,
he sees me sitting, blowing smoke farther then breath should go in the summer air, and asks his mom "who's that gir?l", "don't say that, it's a boy with long hair"
and i laughed opened to door to retreat, it's not where i want to be,
not fully, just so too easy and even intently,
with a breeze like a true girl's hands,
that would never judge, just caress the ach in my back from work i somtimes cant stand but i always go back,
and i think of that sea horse necklace always dangling between her breasts,
it's so easy to see, she's not where she wants to be,
and all i fucking do, is envy, envy, envy.
im like a drifter now, making the most of this land but not at home though born and here i stand,
at least i know there is more like me, than me.
~tommy