(no subject)
today im doing really well. I spent 100 at the christian book store today, got 5 worship cds so i can focus more on God and be uplifted and 2 books, one on understanding men, and one on being the woman God created me to be. Reading the understanding men book, ive realized ive done alot of things wrong, even though i kinda knew it, i didn't really see how important it was. the main thing is showing respect to a guy gives him the affrimation he needs as a man... if you don't give him respect than he doesn't feel you love or appreciate him, and he feels inadeqate, it makes him happy to make him see you happy, if you aren't happy he feels he is doing a lousy job. Most women nag and that is showing that they don't trust/ respect their husbands judgment etc.. I was like man, i wish i could take back so many things... but i am learning and i will be better in the future for it. I know a relationship is 2 sided, but sometimes if you want the relationship to last you need to make the effort yourself, and do what you can to make it work, you have to decide if its more important to be right in an arguement or if the relaionship is more important... choose your battles wisely and think about what it is you are portraing... like when i brought up jealousy that shows a lack of trust in him, and its like im belittleing him and his character, he feels disrespected and defensive. It said to always assume the best in the man... and to act like you respect him even when its hard... b/c we want love from a guy even when we seem unloveable and that is our affrimation and he needs respect in the same way.... so many things werent worth fighting over with Chris b/c overall he is a good man, and those are hard to come by, it says by believing in the guy you enable him and inspire him to be a better worker, spouse, person etc.. by nagging him about where he falls short you remind him how he is inadeqate and it brings him down and makes him give up... geez... but anyways... i texted him and said sorry for not acting like i trusted/respected his judgement. And really i do, its just it didn't come accros to him like i did... and he called me 2x and we talked about our day... ummm i think we will end up getting back together... but i think this time apart is important to re-evaluate our relationship and how we can make it work/better, and also to put God first again, and i really need to focuse more on others and school... i think being too close was draining both of us, and taking alot of the joy out of eachothers company and what a blessing it really is. OK thats what im thinking, but i also realize that that might not happen, and if so thats ok too... i think ive learned from this, and i am happy to be single, yesterday i was upset but today i was fine, and just remembered how it was b/f him, i can still have a very well rounded life... and be happy... but if we get back together it will be a challenge for me to not worry so much about myself but to try to do things right and honor him and see how that benifits and helps the relationship, it will be kinda like a game... Im not saying that what i feel and think is not important but being creative in how i approach things and using self-control and discipline to see if its worth bringing up, and how it would make him feel... and thinking to myself is this my own insecurity, am i really seeing the best in him and believig in him... like love is patient, kind, not jealous, not angry, or self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrong, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always hopes and perseveres...... its easy to be happy single, b/c I can be selfish and just worry about pleasing myself, its harder to be in a relaionship b/c if you want it to work you have to die to yourself etc... Before i didn't know if it was worth it... and really its not unless it's a good man, and you see him as marriage material and a blessing from God, and you think you could be happier together than apart... and also i didn't know if i was ready to make the effort and commitment it takes to make a relationship work, and really im still not there yet, and im glad to have time to clear my head... but i want to get there, im growing and learning.... for me its easier to be alone, im use to saying good bye to people and only worrying about myself... but why not embrace the challege and pour myself out to make another person have a better more fulfilled life, and in return have that blessing myself... its just when i get worried about stupid things and pick arguments, than thats what ill get in return and it is very unhappy... and it can be justified and pride gets in the way but all it does is destroy the relaionship... and im just thinking it wasn't worth it... but i need this time so its ok, we learn from our mistakes