this is super long, whoo hoo!
so lets see, it was good to talk to deanna on the phone the other day, and than Rebecca from camp, that was real nice, and than Faith... it's nice to have friends who can relate to and understand me, it just sucks that they don't live closer...
I keep questioning my relationship with Chris, i guess just cuase it seems to good to be true, and im scared of committment and what-not.. i always think too much at work and come up with crazy theries about our relationship, yesterday i was just like "chris, why are you even dating me.. i don't feel like you like me like that, i don't want you to be with me just b/c your lonely... if you really like me i need alot of reassureance, b/c my mind goes crazy with doubts... i don't know why im so insecure in this relationship, i think its just im insecure in general, but b/f i thought i was strong... but now im seeing it as insecurity... that why im such a loner, im scared of how people view me.. i guess i never really consider myself that normal... i don't know...anyways... chris got upset at first saying "are you trying to push me away, your going to get what you asking for if you keep acting this way" but than he said sorry for not making it more clear, i guess i can see how you would question some of these things your talking about, i really do like you hanna or i wouldn't have asked you out, if i was just dating you b/c i was lonely i would have just asked someone 2 & 1/2 years ago i wouldn't have waited this long... i do want this relationship to work... Thats all i needed to hear...i went to bed around 10 last night... than chris surprised me by showing up after i had fallen asleep, he broght me a huge soft stuffed animal (a dog) for me to cuddle with and a choclate rose... it was so cute, very thoughtful of him... he said he thought alot about what i said all day, and he wanted me to know how much he really cares about me, and how happy he is to be dating me... so wow, i guess im extremely blessed...
today chris didn't go to church b/c his cousins were down and were leaving so he was saying his good-byes, i ended up not going either cuz i could'nt figure out what to wear, i tried on like half of everything i own, and now my room is a mess agian...
but than i met him at his house at 12 and we went to this really good pizza place, called the Loop, that was lots of fun..
than i came home and fell asleep... we were going to hang out tonight but now he is too tired, i have alot i should do, so its for the best, but now im lonely in this house alone... Linda was at her moms this weekend...
I know i have nothing to complain about, deanna for instance lives by herself all the time, and here i am for one night and im feeling sorry for myself...
don't get mad at me deanna, im just spoiled...
but i should do some homework,and clean my room... i'll put some music on to get some life going in this house... maybe i'll go to walmart, or go grab some fast food... i have a headache, i think its from lack of caffine...
my hair is back brown... really it looked super tacky that yellow color... the only reason it looked good in the myspace picture is cuz of the lighting was dark (0: now its so dead, but thankfully its back to almost its natural color so i can just let it grow out now, and stop dying it all together...
also i don't know, i feel alittle stagnet in my walk with God, and i know its cuz ive just not taken the time to spend with him, im going to do that tonight and get back in that habbit... and with chris, we haven't compeletly crossed any lines, but we do come really close, and b/f it's like i was really scard so i didn't even want to, but know it is kinda tempting,and i guess that scares me even more, so hopefully we will keep it up... its just i don't know, i don't think marriage is comming for a long time, so i guess we will need to talk about boundries again, it just seems like we have these lines we won't cross and we don't really need to talk about it... but yea, i just don't know...
ok well i write soooo much and i know not many people wanna read this, i just write for my own good, to clear my head etc... love you guys though... anyone who does read these... peace
I keep questioning my relationship with Chris, i guess just cuase it seems to good to be true, and im scared of committment and what-not.. i always think too much at work and come up with crazy theries about our relationship, yesterday i was just like "chris, why are you even dating me.. i don't feel like you like me like that, i don't want you to be with me just b/c your lonely... if you really like me i need alot of reassureance, b/c my mind goes crazy with doubts... i don't know why im so insecure in this relationship, i think its just im insecure in general, but b/f i thought i was strong... but now im seeing it as insecurity... that why im such a loner, im scared of how people view me.. i guess i never really consider myself that normal... i don't know...anyways... chris got upset at first saying "are you trying to push me away, your going to get what you asking for if you keep acting this way" but than he said sorry for not making it more clear, i guess i can see how you would question some of these things your talking about, i really do like you hanna or i wouldn't have asked you out, if i was just dating you b/c i was lonely i would have just asked someone 2 & 1/2 years ago i wouldn't have waited this long... i do want this relationship to work... Thats all i needed to hear...i went to bed around 10 last night... than chris surprised me by showing up after i had fallen asleep, he broght me a huge soft stuffed animal (a dog) for me to cuddle with and a choclate rose... it was so cute, very thoughtful of him... he said he thought alot about what i said all day, and he wanted me to know how much he really cares about me, and how happy he is to be dating me... so wow, i guess im extremely blessed...
today chris didn't go to church b/c his cousins were down and were leaving so he was saying his good-byes, i ended up not going either cuz i could'nt figure out what to wear, i tried on like half of everything i own, and now my room is a mess agian...
but than i met him at his house at 12 and we went to this really good pizza place, called the Loop, that was lots of fun..
than i came home and fell asleep... we were going to hang out tonight but now he is too tired, i have alot i should do, so its for the best, but now im lonely in this house alone... Linda was at her moms this weekend...
I know i have nothing to complain about, deanna for instance lives by herself all the time, and here i am for one night and im feeling sorry for myself...
don't get mad at me deanna, im just spoiled...
but i should do some homework,and clean my room... i'll put some music on to get some life going in this house... maybe i'll go to walmart, or go grab some fast food... i have a headache, i think its from lack of caffine...
my hair is back brown... really it looked super tacky that yellow color... the only reason it looked good in the myspace picture is cuz of the lighting was dark (0: now its so dead, but thankfully its back to almost its natural color so i can just let it grow out now, and stop dying it all together...
also i don't know, i feel alittle stagnet in my walk with God, and i know its cuz ive just not taken the time to spend with him, im going to do that tonight and get back in that habbit... and with chris, we haven't compeletly crossed any lines, but we do come really close, and b/f it's like i was really scard so i didn't even want to, but know it is kinda tempting,and i guess that scares me even more, so hopefully we will keep it up... its just i don't know, i don't think marriage is comming for a long time, so i guess we will need to talk about boundries again, it just seems like we have these lines we won't cross and we don't really need to talk about it... but yea, i just don't know...
ok well i write soooo much and i know not many people wanna read this, i just write for my own good, to clear my head etc... love you guys though... anyone who does read these... peace