They Were Probably Black
Our workplace is located quite near a meth clinic, and the adjoining alleyway is often replete with thoughtful gifts of human fecal matter (more often than not artistically displayed down the alley wall from arse-height, and lower), used condoms *, and dumpster babies. During the winter months, there was an array of simply delightful deposits, and I kept conversationally mentioning to my brain that I should photograph them for your enjoyment - alas, it ended up being too late to do so as an unexpected rainstorm washed them down the historic pathway of the alley's semen stream. Sad. Hopefully, they shall shit again.
This is not the point, merely setting a scene. There's a gentleman attached to our building who parks in a little nook in this alleyway at his own peril, and just recently his car was broken into, and $400 of tools neatly pilfered. He and I have a head-nodding association, but shortly after he confided in me that the filthy bugger who made off with the booty was "probably black". Now, he's not a racist - he assured me of that - but he did repeat that the evil deed was most likely perpetrated by someone of color, and that I should keep an eye out for him. A few days later I did notice a dodgy-looking Sir loitering behind said gentleman's van, but he was only pissing on the wheel, so I thought it beyond reporting. That being said, I now view all people of color as thieving bastards, and they are probably also addicted to meth and likely to steal my tools - although I hear they are typically far too lazy to put them to functional use.
Anyways, as compensation for missing the photojournalistic adventure of the poop parade, here is my fleeting capture of said gentleman's van, mere days after the heinous event. Please, enjoy;
Lesson to the black people who read my journal - because some of you, my best friends, are black - don't steal tools.
xxx
* Speaking of condoms, on Saturday we visited a lesbian bookstore in Andersonville and I pilfered two condoms from a complimentary jar. Hah, gay and lesbian community, I shall put your delicious free condoms to heterosexual use.