False Starts
I'm beginning to feel some despair about my upcoming internship. I've contacted almost a dozen different places, and they either aren't capable of doing mental health internships, or are filled to capacity. I never thought I'd have this much trouble finding a place to work for free. I had a very good lead at Good Sam and was feeling very positive about the place and opportunities there. They're filled to capacity, but I'm first on the waiting list. I'm getting ready to recast my net a little wider, which may mean a miserable drive several days a week to Seattle, Everett, Gig Harbor, or a military base of some kind.
I'm really pissed about the whole thing, because it's not like I put this off. I mean, I was told it takes 3-6 months to find an internship, and I started searching before then. I'm supposed to start in September, but I may have to delay another semester, which may mean not until January. I know it wouldn't kill me to get more classes under my belt, but I can't help but feeling unnecessarily blocked. I won't know if I'm a good counselor until I start doing it. All I have are a bunch of theories. I honestly don't feel worthy or ready to start an internship, but with each passing class, I feel more confidant as my questions get answered. I want to stay on track, and I know other people in the same situation as I am are also looking for internships and feel exactly as I do--so it's normal, right?
So, of course, I'm questioning this whole thing. Good Sam was such a shoe-in that I only half-heartedly kept looking after that. I really wanted to work there and serve my immediate community. I don't know what I'm doing at all. The whole point of this program was to get retrained for a real career and get my ass out there to work. I picked this school because I could do it on my own time, online. I picked this degree because I wanted to be a military chaplain, but the school is too conservative (Church of Christ) so I decided I'd rather be a counselor and forget about the military. I can't quit now, with half a degree and no credibility from it.
I had been tempted to take a semester off and finish my two writing projects, or get my business up to snuff. But I'm concerned that I won't make progress in my classes (obviously, since I wouldn't be taking any for three months). The big problem is that big fat test at the end of it all. I have been advised to take it as soon as I'm able, while the material is still fresh. Taking time off might not keep it fresh. Indeed, many people don't return to school after a break, and I'm afraid I might do that.
I suppose it's not all a disaster, like it feels like (mostly from other internship experiences, so I know my emotions have more to do with that, probably, than the present situation). There are several places I still haven't heard back from. Now that the holiday is over, they will likely get back to me this week. If not, I guess I'll have to call them.
You know, in other schools, there is a whole office that takes care of this whole headache for me. I would even accept a position somewhere that I hadn't visited if it was guaranteed. I've already applied at places that rub me the wrong way, like Western State, and the prison system. At this point, I'm basically begging, and you know what they say about beggars. The worst part is, even if I waited until January, I'd probably still be begging. Well, they'd probably take me at Good Sam then. I could ask. Hmm. That might make it worth the wait, if I knew I had a good place lined up for the next semester. I'll email her tomorrow.
I'm really pissed about the whole thing, because it's not like I put this off. I mean, I was told it takes 3-6 months to find an internship, and I started searching before then. I'm supposed to start in September, but I may have to delay another semester, which may mean not until January. I know it wouldn't kill me to get more classes under my belt, but I can't help but feeling unnecessarily blocked. I won't know if I'm a good counselor until I start doing it. All I have are a bunch of theories. I honestly don't feel worthy or ready to start an internship, but with each passing class, I feel more confidant as my questions get answered. I want to stay on track, and I know other people in the same situation as I am are also looking for internships and feel exactly as I do--so it's normal, right?
So, of course, I'm questioning this whole thing. Good Sam was such a shoe-in that I only half-heartedly kept looking after that. I really wanted to work there and serve my immediate community. I don't know what I'm doing at all. The whole point of this program was to get retrained for a real career and get my ass out there to work. I picked this school because I could do it on my own time, online. I picked this degree because I wanted to be a military chaplain, but the school is too conservative (Church of Christ) so I decided I'd rather be a counselor and forget about the military. I can't quit now, with half a degree and no credibility from it.
I had been tempted to take a semester off and finish my two writing projects, or get my business up to snuff. But I'm concerned that I won't make progress in my classes (obviously, since I wouldn't be taking any for three months). The big problem is that big fat test at the end of it all. I have been advised to take it as soon as I'm able, while the material is still fresh. Taking time off might not keep it fresh. Indeed, many people don't return to school after a break, and I'm afraid I might do that.
I suppose it's not all a disaster, like it feels like (mostly from other internship experiences, so I know my emotions have more to do with that, probably, than the present situation). There are several places I still haven't heard back from. Now that the holiday is over, they will likely get back to me this week. If not, I guess I'll have to call them.
You know, in other schools, there is a whole office that takes care of this whole headache for me. I would even accept a position somewhere that I hadn't visited if it was guaranteed. I've already applied at places that rub me the wrong way, like Western State, and the prison system. At this point, I'm basically begging, and you know what they say about beggars. The worst part is, even if I waited until January, I'd probably still be begging. Well, they'd probably take me at Good Sam then. I could ask. Hmm. That might make it worth the wait, if I knew I had a good place lined up for the next semester. I'll email her tomorrow.