Just My Heart
Title: Just My Heart
Author: giveitupjessica
Rating: G
Wordcount: 2, 204
Prompt: Quote
Pairing: Jongkey, hint!2min
Summary: Jonghyun stumbles upon Key’s most personal possession and unintentionally reads his member’s most private thoughts. Not to mention an unexpected confession as well.
Disclaimer: Do not own SHINee (unfortunately) only own the plot.
A/N: So I've decided to enter shawol_haven's challenge again. Mostly because I have always loved the quote by Dr. Seuss. I had a hard time deciding which pairing to write, but thanks to wemwems who decided for me. So this one is for you! Hope you all like it.
Dear Journal~
It was another tiring day. We had five schedules back to back. Talk about being worn down to the bones. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. Maybe I’ll get to return to the dream I had last night. It was such a wonderful dream Journal. He loved me so much. It felt so real, but then my stupid alarm clock had to go off and ruin it all. Is it bad that I would rather live in my dreams than in reality? I know that there are probably a million people out there who would kill for my life, but I can’t help but think that my dream life is so much better. Just because I get to be with him in my dreams, the way I want to be with him.
I really should go to bed now, I’m so tired and we have another long day ahead of us tomorrow. But I’m at the point where I’m so tired that I can’t sleep. Maybe if I listen to my ipod for a little bit, it’ll lull me to sleep. I do have a recording of him singing “Nothing Better” and that always puts me to sleep. If only the real thing was beside me, singing it to me. Perhaps that’s what he’ll do tonight in my dreams.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
Sorry I haven’t written in you for a few days. It’s been really hectic. We’re just being pushed and pulled in all kinds of directions. I’m worried about Taemin, he has a lot on his plate as it is. I’m afraid his school will start to suffer. I try to get him to take naps throughout the day just so he doesn’t completely wear himself out. I’m glad he has Minho as a boyfriend. I know that Minho will keep a watchful eye on him as well.
Journal is it bad that I’m jealous of their relationship? I mean I am happy for them. They’ve loved each other for so long and it’s great to finally see them together, but I can’t help the jealousy I feel when I see them cuddled on the couch. They are so sweet and genuine with one another. I want that Journal. I want what they have. I want what they have with him. Why can’t it can’t be us on the couch snuggled close, sharing a blanket, sneaking kisses when we think no one is looking? Reality is such a let down sometimes.
Did I mention she was at our last performance today? Apparently, she finished shooting early and rushed over to show her support for him. It broke my heart when they left together afterwards. He looks so happy with her. Whenever she’s around he has this goofy grin on his face and only has eyes for her. It’s the same way in my dreams. Except he’s looking at me. *Sighs* Maybe one day Journal, maybe one day.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We finally had a break today and we spent it lounging around the dorm. It was nice to just relax in sweats all day, with no product in my hair and no make up on my face. I’m not as high maintenance as people might think. Sure I love fashion, but I’m still a guy. There are days where I would choose my baggy old sweats over skinny jeans and a fashionable top. He told me he likes me better when I’m all relaxed and at ease. I didn’t tell him how much it meant to hear him say that.
We actually spent most of the day hanging out with one another. Taemin and Minho were in the bedroom the whole day, I don’t even want to think about what they were doing. Onew went back and forth between the computer room and the living room. Journal, I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in one day. He had me in tears from laughing so hard. I don’t even remember what he had said or done to make me laugh, all I know is that my sides still hurt from laughing so much. He’s the only one that can get me laughing like this. One of the reasons why I love him.
Another reason? I love the way my name slips off his tongue. It’s different from when other people say it. When he says my name, it’s like he’s singing. And you know how much I love the way he sings. Is it sad that I get goosebumps whenever he says my name? Even though I hear him say it on a regular basis, it’s never the same as when he says it in my dreams. The dream-version never quite gets it right. I can still hear him saying my name now Journal. It’s literally music to my ears and heart.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We’re in Thailand! It’s so hot here. I hate it. We have our fan meeting tomorrow. I’m super excited about it. There are so many surprises we have planned for the fans. I hope they like it. I love doing these kinds of things for them. They love us so much and give us so much support, there really wouldn’t be a SHINee if it weren’t for them. I’m truly blessed Journal.
On another note, we sat next to each other on the plane. But then again, we always sit next to one another on the plane. I think it’s because he’s the only one that knows that I still get nervous when we fly, you know me and my fear of heights. Then again, my anxiety during flights isn’t as bad as before. I think I just keep it up so that he’ll hold my hand during take off and landing. Have I told you how perfectly our hands fit together? Like the two missing pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. I can still feel his hand in mine now Journal. I wish it was still there.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We just got back from our fan meeting. Journal, I think I’m going to die from lack of oxygen. I don’t know why I did it Journal. Something just came over me. My heart is still racing and I still can’t quite breathe properly. You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Well I’ll tell you.
We got so close to kissing today! Literally centimeters apart. Of course, it was all in the name of fan service, but still… I don’t even know what made me do it. He had a pocky in his mouth and was leaning into me and I just went for it Journal. I started to eat it and our heads slowly got closer which means our lips got closer too. I felt his breath on my mouth Journal, that’s how close we were. I wanted nothing more than to capture his lips with mine. Of course that didn’t happen. Perhaps things will end differently in my dreams tonight.
I know this is short, but I can’t write anymore. I need to calm my heart, it’s practically leaping out of my chest. And I know exactly where it’ll run to if it did, I’m sure you know as well Journal.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We had another day off today and you know what? I’m still dreaming about that almost kiss we shared in Thailand. It’s been over a week Journal! And every night I dream about it too. And every night I wake up right before our lips touch. Talk about frustrating. When did I get so pathetic Journal? Oh yeah, the day I figured out I was in love with the kid.
Speaking of that day, I went through the box that I keep my little knick knacks in. You know the box with pictures and memorabilia from the best moments of my life. And I found the picture that Minho took of us while we were in New Zealand. That was the day that I realized that I love him Journal. I even wrote it on the Polaroid itself. Perhaps I’ll use it as my bookmark in you now. Maybe it’ll give me courage to finally tell him how I feel even though I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same way.
Why can’t things be the way they are in my dreams Journal? Why can’t I just look him in the eyes and say “Kim Jonghyun, I love you. I know I can’t give you much, but I can give you my heart. Then again, you’ve had it all this time and you just never knew it.”
I stop reading there. I know I shouldn’t be reading his private journal, but I was already finished with the first entry when I realized it wasn’t one of Minho’s hundreds of books he keeps laying around the dorm. I’m stunned by the words I just read. I mean I figured out that I was the ‘he’ he was referring to by the second journal entry, but this was the first time he actually mentioned my name. It was as if he was scared to in the other entries. I need to find him and talk to him.
I walk out of the room, journal still in my hands and walk to the living room where I know the rest are watching a movie.
“Hey Key,” I say, standing in the entrance of the room, he looks up at me from his spot on the couch next to Onew.
“Yeah?”
“Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure,” he gets up and follows me back to his room. I’m already sitting on the bed, journal resting in my lap when he walks in. His eyes open wide when he sees me, eyes going directly to his most private possession, “What are you doing with that?”
“This?” I hold it up. He looks pissed and stomps over to me, snatching it out of my hand.
“This is private asshole!”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I stand up and closing the small distance between us.
“Tell you what?”
“How you feel?”
“You read it?!” the anger in his face quickly turns into shock and embarrassment.
“Not on purpose. I thought it was one of Minho’s books and when I realized it wasn’t, I couldn’t stop reading. Why didn’t you tell me though?”
“I,” he starts but quickly stops, eyes not focused on our feet.
“Just say it.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to know what you’ll say afterwards.”
“Maybe I’ll surprise you.”
“You’re dating Sekyung.”
“But I’m in love with you,” I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. He looks up at me with a look of confusion on his face.
“If this is a joke Kim Jonghyun, I’ll hate you forever.”
I lean in and kiss his lips. I pull away before he can respond, but just enough to get the words out of my mouth, “Do you think I’m joking now?”
We spend the next hour or so sitting on his bed confessing to one another. He cries at one point and I just hold him close, wiping the tears away with my hand. Who would have thought we’ve been in love with one another for years now, both of us afraid to confess because we don’t think the other feels the same way? Who would have thought that his journal would in the end, do all the talking for him?
I realize it’s getting late and we should probably go to bed. He asks me to stay with him for the night and I honestly can’t imagine leaving his side at this point. I finally told him how I feel and I want nothing more than to hold him and continue holding him.
“Go to sleep,” I whisper in his ear as we settle back in his bed, blankets pulled up around us, “We had a long day.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to wake up from this dream.”
“But you’re not dreaming.”
“I know.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“For once, my reality is better than my dreams.”
A smile forms on my lips and I kiss the top of his head, pulling him closer to me, “I love you Kim Kibum.”
“I love you too Kim Jonghyun.”
“And I accept it.”
“Accept what?”
“Your heart. And I promise to treasure it for the rest of my life.”
“On one condition.”
“What is that?”
“You give me your heart in return.”
“Just my heart?”
“Just your heart.”
“Deal.”
He lifts his head to mine and I feel his lips land on mine sealing our deal. I pull him closer and use my hand to tilt his head a little bit to give me better access to his lips. Our kiss remains innocent. Neither one of us moves to deepen it. We just enjoy the feel of our lips against one another.
Dear Journal~
I love him. I don’t think he’ll ever want to fall asleep again. That’s okay because I don’t think I can sleep either. Dreams are no match to the reality we have now.
♥ Jonghyun
Author: giveitupjessica
Rating: G
Wordcount: 2, 204
Prompt: Quote
Pairing: Jongkey, hint!2min
Summary: Jonghyun stumbles upon Key’s most personal possession and unintentionally reads his member’s most private thoughts. Not to mention an unexpected confession as well.
Disclaimer: Do not own SHINee (unfortunately) only own the plot.
A/N: So I've decided to enter shawol_haven's challenge again. Mostly because I have always loved the quote by Dr. Seuss. I had a hard time deciding which pairing to write, but thanks to wemwems who decided for me. So this one is for you! Hope you all like it.
Dear Journal~
It was another tiring day. We had five schedules back to back. Talk about being worn down to the bones. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. Maybe I’ll get to return to the dream I had last night. It was such a wonderful dream Journal. He loved me so much. It felt so real, but then my stupid alarm clock had to go off and ruin it all. Is it bad that I would rather live in my dreams than in reality? I know that there are probably a million people out there who would kill for my life, but I can’t help but think that my dream life is so much better. Just because I get to be with him in my dreams, the way I want to be with him.
I really should go to bed now, I’m so tired and we have another long day ahead of us tomorrow. But I’m at the point where I’m so tired that I can’t sleep. Maybe if I listen to my ipod for a little bit, it’ll lull me to sleep. I do have a recording of him singing “Nothing Better” and that always puts me to sleep. If only the real thing was beside me, singing it to me. Perhaps that’s what he’ll do tonight in my dreams.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
Sorry I haven’t written in you for a few days. It’s been really hectic. We’re just being pushed and pulled in all kinds of directions. I’m worried about Taemin, he has a lot on his plate as it is. I’m afraid his school will start to suffer. I try to get him to take naps throughout the day just so he doesn’t completely wear himself out. I’m glad he has Minho as a boyfriend. I know that Minho will keep a watchful eye on him as well.
Journal is it bad that I’m jealous of their relationship? I mean I am happy for them. They’ve loved each other for so long and it’s great to finally see them together, but I can’t help the jealousy I feel when I see them cuddled on the couch. They are so sweet and genuine with one another. I want that Journal. I want what they have. I want what they have with him. Why can’t it can’t be us on the couch snuggled close, sharing a blanket, sneaking kisses when we think no one is looking? Reality is such a let down sometimes.
Did I mention she was at our last performance today? Apparently, she finished shooting early and rushed over to show her support for him. It broke my heart when they left together afterwards. He looks so happy with her. Whenever she’s around he has this goofy grin on his face and only has eyes for her. It’s the same way in my dreams. Except he’s looking at me. *Sighs* Maybe one day Journal, maybe one day.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We finally had a break today and we spent it lounging around the dorm. It was nice to just relax in sweats all day, with no product in my hair and no make up on my face. I’m not as high maintenance as people might think. Sure I love fashion, but I’m still a guy. There are days where I would choose my baggy old sweats over skinny jeans and a fashionable top. He told me he likes me better when I’m all relaxed and at ease. I didn’t tell him how much it meant to hear him say that.
We actually spent most of the day hanging out with one another. Taemin and Minho were in the bedroom the whole day, I don’t even want to think about what they were doing. Onew went back and forth between the computer room and the living room. Journal, I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in one day. He had me in tears from laughing so hard. I don’t even remember what he had said or done to make me laugh, all I know is that my sides still hurt from laughing so much. He’s the only one that can get me laughing like this. One of the reasons why I love him.
Another reason? I love the way my name slips off his tongue. It’s different from when other people say it. When he says my name, it’s like he’s singing. And you know how much I love the way he sings. Is it sad that I get goosebumps whenever he says my name? Even though I hear him say it on a regular basis, it’s never the same as when he says it in my dreams. The dream-version never quite gets it right. I can still hear him saying my name now Journal. It’s literally music to my ears and heart.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We’re in Thailand! It’s so hot here. I hate it. We have our fan meeting tomorrow. I’m super excited about it. There are so many surprises we have planned for the fans. I hope they like it. I love doing these kinds of things for them. They love us so much and give us so much support, there really wouldn’t be a SHINee if it weren’t for them. I’m truly blessed Journal.
On another note, we sat next to each other on the plane. But then again, we always sit next to one another on the plane. I think it’s because he’s the only one that knows that I still get nervous when we fly, you know me and my fear of heights. Then again, my anxiety during flights isn’t as bad as before. I think I just keep it up so that he’ll hold my hand during take off and landing. Have I told you how perfectly our hands fit together? Like the two missing pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. I can still feel his hand in mine now Journal. I wish it was still there.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We just got back from our fan meeting. Journal, I think I’m going to die from lack of oxygen. I don’t know why I did it Journal. Something just came over me. My heart is still racing and I still can’t quite breathe properly. You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Well I’ll tell you.
We got so close to kissing today! Literally centimeters apart. Of course, it was all in the name of fan service, but still… I don’t even know what made me do it. He had a pocky in his mouth and was leaning into me and I just went for it Journal. I started to eat it and our heads slowly got closer which means our lips got closer too. I felt his breath on my mouth Journal, that’s how close we were. I wanted nothing more than to capture his lips with mine. Of course that didn’t happen. Perhaps things will end differently in my dreams tonight.
I know this is short, but I can’t write anymore. I need to calm my heart, it’s practically leaping out of my chest. And I know exactly where it’ll run to if it did, I’m sure you know as well Journal.
♥ Key
Dear Journal~
We had another day off today and you know what? I’m still dreaming about that almost kiss we shared in Thailand. It’s been over a week Journal! And every night I dream about it too. And every night I wake up right before our lips touch. Talk about frustrating. When did I get so pathetic Journal? Oh yeah, the day I figured out I was in love with the kid.
Speaking of that day, I went through the box that I keep my little knick knacks in. You know the box with pictures and memorabilia from the best moments of my life. And I found the picture that Minho took of us while we were in New Zealand. That was the day that I realized that I love him Journal. I even wrote it on the Polaroid itself. Perhaps I’ll use it as my bookmark in you now. Maybe it’ll give me courage to finally tell him how I feel even though I’m sure he doesn’t feel the same way.
Why can’t things be the way they are in my dreams Journal? Why can’t I just look him in the eyes and say “Kim Jonghyun, I love you. I know I can’t give you much, but I can give you my heart. Then again, you’ve had it all this time and you just never knew it.”
I stop reading there. I know I shouldn’t be reading his private journal, but I was already finished with the first entry when I realized it wasn’t one of Minho’s hundreds of books he keeps laying around the dorm. I’m stunned by the words I just read. I mean I figured out that I was the ‘he’ he was referring to by the second journal entry, but this was the first time he actually mentioned my name. It was as if he was scared to in the other entries. I need to find him and talk to him.
I walk out of the room, journal still in my hands and walk to the living room where I know the rest are watching a movie.
“Hey Key,” I say, standing in the entrance of the room, he looks up at me from his spot on the couch next to Onew.
“Yeah?”
“Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure,” he gets up and follows me back to his room. I’m already sitting on the bed, journal resting in my lap when he walks in. His eyes open wide when he sees me, eyes going directly to his most private possession, “What are you doing with that?”
“This?” I hold it up. He looks pissed and stomps over to me, snatching it out of my hand.
“This is private asshole!”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I stand up and closing the small distance between us.
“Tell you what?”
“How you feel?”
“You read it?!” the anger in his face quickly turns into shock and embarrassment.
“Not on purpose. I thought it was one of Minho’s books and when I realized it wasn’t, I couldn’t stop reading. Why didn’t you tell me though?”
“I,” he starts but quickly stops, eyes not focused on our feet.
“Just say it.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to know what you’ll say afterwards.”
“Maybe I’ll surprise you.”
“You’re dating Sekyung.”
“But I’m in love with you,” I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. He looks up at me with a look of confusion on his face.
“If this is a joke Kim Jonghyun, I’ll hate you forever.”
I lean in and kiss his lips. I pull away before he can respond, but just enough to get the words out of my mouth, “Do you think I’m joking now?”
We spend the next hour or so sitting on his bed confessing to one another. He cries at one point and I just hold him close, wiping the tears away with my hand. Who would have thought we’ve been in love with one another for years now, both of us afraid to confess because we don’t think the other feels the same way? Who would have thought that his journal would in the end, do all the talking for him?
I realize it’s getting late and we should probably go to bed. He asks me to stay with him for the night and I honestly can’t imagine leaving his side at this point. I finally told him how I feel and I want nothing more than to hold him and continue holding him.
“Go to sleep,” I whisper in his ear as we settle back in his bed, blankets pulled up around us, “We had a long day.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to wake up from this dream.”
“But you’re not dreaming.”
“I know.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“For once, my reality is better than my dreams.”
A smile forms on my lips and I kiss the top of his head, pulling him closer to me, “I love you Kim Kibum.”
“I love you too Kim Jonghyun.”
“And I accept it.”
“Accept what?”
“Your heart. And I promise to treasure it for the rest of my life.”
“On one condition.”
“What is that?”
“You give me your heart in return.”
“Just my heart?”
“Just your heart.”
“Deal.”
He lifts his head to mine and I feel his lips land on mine sealing our deal. I pull him closer and use my hand to tilt his head a little bit to give me better access to his lips. Our kiss remains innocent. Neither one of us moves to deepen it. We just enjoy the feel of our lips against one another.
Dear Journal~
I love him. I don’t think he’ll ever want to fall asleep again. That’s okay because I don’t think I can sleep either. Dreams are no match to the reality we have now.
♥ Jonghyun