(no subject)
hmmm
not feeling as jealous as i thought i would. could it be that she pushed too far, hurt me too deeply for me to be able to feel that for her anymore? it was all consuming. at one time. now....its annoying, but it doesn't hurt. i dont have that knife in the gut, heart wrenching sensation anymore. after an entire year of nothing else....of being consumed with her...its starting to fade?
so odd. i still love her. i know that. i think that i could never trust her, though. i tried to give so much and she wouldnt accept it. she shoved my words down my throat with a look of amusement and mild derision. flung about names that from anyone else, wouldn't have mattered. and i made excuses, loved her still. but i cant give anymore of myself. im still guarding parts i've offered in the past. licking wounds and such.
i wonder if this is what moving on feels like.
not feeling as jealous as i thought i would. could it be that she pushed too far, hurt me too deeply for me to be able to feel that for her anymore? it was all consuming. at one time. now....its annoying, but it doesn't hurt. i dont have that knife in the gut, heart wrenching sensation anymore. after an entire year of nothing else....of being consumed with her...its starting to fade?
so odd. i still love her. i know that. i think that i could never trust her, though. i tried to give so much and she wouldnt accept it. she shoved my words down my throat with a look of amusement and mild derision. flung about names that from anyone else, wouldn't have mattered. and i made excuses, loved her still. but i cant give anymore of myself. im still guarding parts i've offered in the past. licking wounds and such.
i wonder if this is what moving on feels like.