like for ever
I broke the closet door right now- kind of pushed the door right off the railing -unecessarily. Aneela is up north stuck in a storm, she texted me - told me she did shrooms and it's a bad idea when you're depressed. I kind of like it when she's on drugs. Puts us on the same level. But I'm worried about her cause im not with her. Sometimes I think she puts up with far too much. Then again she excuses those who jack off to kiddie porn the title of a pedophille. shes on the fence with everything - so she must see it a certain way that is much harder for me to get to.
I wonder why Jill got mad. Well what I really wonder is how come Jill doesn't get mad. Now she finally did and I'm kind of relieved. The people I surround myself with stresses her out. I'm not as dignified as she. Kind of makes me wonder if I have led her to believe I was that way.
I havent done this in awhile. this sort of contemplation in written format. keeps my days and nights steady -less turbulance. can't remember the last time i was furious. cant remember the last time i fucking cried. that's not good news. I mean it is - if you want to consider the frequent episodes prior to this 07 year. But it's been so long since i gave much of a fuck to anything - even something not worth it. I rather care about not worth it shit. Than not care at all.
Is it odd that the only person I love to spend ridiculous amounts of time with is my platonic best friend, Aneela. What if I'm just in love with her and I don't know it.
Let's think about this for a minute.
Nope that's not it.
...Goodnight.
I wonder why Jill got mad. Well what I really wonder is how come Jill doesn't get mad. Now she finally did and I'm kind of relieved. The people I surround myself with stresses her out. I'm not as dignified as she. Kind of makes me wonder if I have led her to believe I was that way.
I havent done this in awhile. this sort of contemplation in written format. keeps my days and nights steady -less turbulance. can't remember the last time i was furious. cant remember the last time i fucking cried. that's not good news. I mean it is - if you want to consider the frequent episodes prior to this 07 year. But it's been so long since i gave much of a fuck to anything - even something not worth it. I rather care about not worth it shit. Than not care at all.
Is it odd that the only person I love to spend ridiculous amounts of time with is my platonic best friend, Aneela. What if I'm just in love with her and I don't know it.
Let's think about this for a minute.
Nope that's not it.
...Goodnight.