Fragile
I ended up binging on chocolate biscuits. I honestly dont give a shit how fat I am anymore. Im done with trying to be thinner. Im unstable emotionally and I dont know how to feel any different.
As long as I can stay well if I weigh the same for the rest of my life then so be it buf if I can get well emotionally then I will finally be happy.
I dont want to hate my reflection and hate myself for how I am anymore.
You know if Sir knew what went on in my head he would be so shocked. I keep considering running from him because each time I look at him I love him so much I cant bear to stick around and possibly be hurt or ruin everything with how fucked up I am. I dont want to ruin him like I have the ability to. I keep thinking it can only last so long before he feels my spiteful wrath that can come out of my mouth and that is the moment that terrifies me.
I miss having someone who gets me more than I get myself. Someone who totally gets my crazy. Its probably so selfish of me I dunno. I hadnt realized how alone I was before Wendy.
I lost SJ because she died but I lost Wendy because of me. I hate to think of her alone and I am alone too. I miss her so fucking much but dont know how to talk to her.
I didnt realize how alone I was in the world before I met her. She gave me strength to be me somehow. I thought it woukd get easier like it does with exes. But this isnt getting easier its getting harder and I cant reach out to her.
I just feel lost without her.
There wont ever be another Wendy in my life who I let in completly. I dont exactly know when I let her in or how but I did.
I am just lost.
As long as I can stay well if I weigh the same for the rest of my life then so be it buf if I can get well emotionally then I will finally be happy.
I dont want to hate my reflection and hate myself for how I am anymore.
You know if Sir knew what went on in my head he would be so shocked. I keep considering running from him because each time I look at him I love him so much I cant bear to stick around and possibly be hurt or ruin everything with how fucked up I am. I dont want to ruin him like I have the ability to. I keep thinking it can only last so long before he feels my spiteful wrath that can come out of my mouth and that is the moment that terrifies me.
I miss having someone who gets me more than I get myself. Someone who totally gets my crazy. Its probably so selfish of me I dunno. I hadnt realized how alone I was before Wendy.
I lost SJ because she died but I lost Wendy because of me. I hate to think of her alone and I am alone too. I miss her so fucking much but dont know how to talk to her.
I didnt realize how alone I was in the world before I met her. She gave me strength to be me somehow. I thought it woukd get easier like it does with exes. But this isnt getting easier its getting harder and I cant reach out to her.
I just feel lost without her.
There wont ever be another Wendy in my life who I let in completly. I dont exactly know when I let her in or how but I did.
I am just lost.