Haven't given birth yet
I'm still here. So much for all my gynae's predictions about me giving birth early and all that. When I went to her for my 38W visit last Wednesday, I was still only 1cm dilated. Then she told me that she would be going on leave from today till the end of this week. Which means that if I go into labour during this time, I will be under the care of some unknown doctor that I haven't met before. Very unideal. So from last Wednesday till yesterday, I was totally stressing about going into labour. I was really hoping to deliver soon, but, obviously, it hasn't happened at all.
For some reason, I've been really really stressing over going into labour. Maybe it was because of the 'deadline' of my gynae going on leave. Maybe it's because I made the decision to go on maternity leave early (at 37 weeks) and am now regretting that decision because I find that I'm just sitting at home waiting and waiting and wasting my leave away. Maybe it's because I'm so so tired of being pregnant and putting up with all the discomforts of pregnancy. And maybe it's also because so many of my friends and colleagues keep asking me - by SMS, on MSN, on facebook, on the phone - whether I've given birth yet, and I still don't have a different answer for them.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. I had a minor hormonal meltdown at home. I got pretty tired of staying at home doing nothing, because I'm alone most of the time. Also, with all the swelling and water retention in my hands and ankles, movement is very restricted for me. I've developed carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrists because of the water retention. So can't do much with my hands. And I can't stand much either, because that will cause my ankles to swell. And of course my back aches, so can't sit for long. Can't even do my stretching exercises to relieve my backache, because those involve getting on my hands and knees, which makes my wrists hurt. And when I talk about going out, I keep getting precautionary warnings from A or my mum, telling me not to go out, better to stay at home, etc etc. Which was well and good in the first week of leave, but which really sucks to hear now because I'm just going mad with boredom and monotony. So it all came to a head yesterday and I just cried and cried the whole day. I thought of calling my mum, but I also didn't want her to worry. So I made the usual stupid depressive decision of holing up at home instead.
Anyway, now that the 'deadline' for giving birth has passed, I'm trying to accept that labour will start in its own time. We've been praying a lot about the labour process, that it will happen at the right time, that it will happen without complication, that we will get clear signs on when it's time to go to the hospital. So I just need to have faith that all this is happening for a reason, and that I will go into labour at the appointed time. As they say, there is a time for everything. So this is just my time for waiting. I just need to get better at it, is all.
For some reason, I've been really really stressing over going into labour. Maybe it was because of the 'deadline' of my gynae going on leave. Maybe it's because I made the decision to go on maternity leave early (at 37 weeks) and am now regretting that decision because I find that I'm just sitting at home waiting and waiting and wasting my leave away. Maybe it's because I'm so so tired of being pregnant and putting up with all the discomforts of pregnancy. And maybe it's also because so many of my friends and colleagues keep asking me - by SMS, on MSN, on facebook, on the phone - whether I've given birth yet, and I still don't have a different answer for them.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. I had a minor hormonal meltdown at home. I got pretty tired of staying at home doing nothing, because I'm alone most of the time. Also, with all the swelling and water retention in my hands and ankles, movement is very restricted for me. I've developed carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrists because of the water retention. So can't do much with my hands. And I can't stand much either, because that will cause my ankles to swell. And of course my back aches, so can't sit for long. Can't even do my stretching exercises to relieve my backache, because those involve getting on my hands and knees, which makes my wrists hurt. And when I talk about going out, I keep getting precautionary warnings from A or my mum, telling me not to go out, better to stay at home, etc etc. Which was well and good in the first week of leave, but which really sucks to hear now because I'm just going mad with boredom and monotony. So it all came to a head yesterday and I just cried and cried the whole day. I thought of calling my mum, but I also didn't want her to worry. So I made the usual stupid depressive decision of holing up at home instead.
Anyway, now that the 'deadline' for giving birth has passed, I'm trying to accept that labour will start in its own time. We've been praying a lot about the labour process, that it will happen at the right time, that it will happen without complication, that we will get clear signs on when it's time to go to the hospital. So I just need to have faith that all this is happening for a reason, and that I will go into labour at the appointed time. As they say, there is a time for everything. So this is just my time for waiting. I just need to get better at it, is all.