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I'm sorry...but I REALLY have to vent about this. David sent me an IM that really hurt my feelings. Then I went to get Galen and asked him if he would come hold me for a while and he was like, "of course" and quit what he was doing and came with me to cuddle with me and cheer me up. (yes...you read that correctly. Galen willingly quit what he was doing JUST to hold me because I asked him to) I explained what was wrong and showed him teh IM and he asked me what it was that was upsetting me the most.
jerseymaster2003@yahoo.com (8:21:50 PM): Your were wrong heather... im not "upset". im pissed... i've been pissed and down right depressed for a while now and i've been trying to figure out why. Maybe its because of the fact that you and i dont hang out anymore... honestly its been weeks since you and i have enjoyed each others company. We'll just sit around and watch tv til u get bored and go running across the hall. Rencetly its been worse than that... i've been a pit stop for you... an errand even. Recently i decided something. Im done. Im done feeling shitty about myself all the time. Im done waiting hours on end for you to come over and hang out for 15 mother fucking minutes. Im done jumping through hoops in fear that you will forget me all together. Im done waking up with the optimism of thinking today might be different, just so that i could go to bed with the pessimism and hate of a lonely and pathetic man, who i have quite frankly become quite sick of being. I'm gonna talk about your relationship now. If you take offense, Im sorry, but this is MY opinion, it doesn't get heard very much. You dont know why i hate it when you use me as an example to help galen improve, do you. Its because he has proven time and time again to you that he is UNWILLING to change for anything... including you. So everytime you use me as an example you are saying that he's not good enough but i am... THEN WHY NOT BE WITH ME.
jerseymaster2003@yahoo.com (8:21:54 PM): Something has been changing in your relationship with him... but not him. Its been your expectations. They've been getting lower for months and will continue until there wont be any left and you'll just be putty in his hands til the day you die. When you first use to come to me pissed off with what he did to dissappoint you, i used to get optimistic. I would think... maybe this is the time... maybe this time she will leave him. As time went on however i noticed a pattern. You would be back in his arms again makin kissey faces by the end of the night EVERY FUCKING TIME. Thats enough proof for me. Proof that no matter what he does, no matter how much he hurts you... by the end of the night you'll be back in his arms. Where the hell will i be... same bit, dark room, lonely thoughts, and a slow realization that i probably wont ever be with you. Cause you dont have feelings for me, do you. You dont want me the way i want you (not even close 10000:1), and at this point i dont think you ever will.
Heather i love you. I love you more then anything in the world... i know people have said that before... but i dont think they meant it the way i do. But things cant stay the way they are. I cant be your friend and still see so little of you. All that does is leave me wanting and that is the worst feeling in the world. Now then, im leaving tommorow morning. Im going home til sunday, and i then come talk to me on sunday, till then i just need to not think about any of this bull shit at least for once. Im willing to work things out with you, but a change is nessecary. If you find absoleutly zero truth in this and think that i just made a huge jackass of myself and never want to talk to me again... well i geuss thats what you gotta do. I wont see you till monday except perhaps in the hall by coincedince. So i'll seeya. I hope this isnt goodbye.
jerseymaster2003@yahoo.com went mobile at 8:22:07 PM.
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I don't think he's right. I don't think I'm lowering my expectations. I got upset last night and started thinking that maybe I was and without even knowing what was going on...Clif (a mutual friend of ours that is ALWAYS around) just looked at me and said "He is getting better. You know that right? It's slow, but he's going to sleep regularly and doing his homework and dropping everything to be with you." Which made me feel a lot better. Galen and I talk a lot more...we just took a shower together during which the entire conversation was about the changes Obama is making and our views of socio-economic progress or something like that. Which...is bizarre. And at one point I just started laughing....I had to...he squirted body wash on a mesh thingy while he started talking about the gold standard......
And yeah.....I have been avoiding hanging out with him for long periods of time....because no matter what...he's increasingly more depressed and.....I just can't be around people that are like that. I can't cheer people up....thats a lot of stress for a person to endure. Anyway....I'm going to message him at some point when he gets back.....but I don't know. When I first got the message, I was sad and crying. And now I'm just kinda mad, because no matter what Galen has done he has never hurt me intentionally and David meant to hurt me with that message. He does NOT know about my relationship with Galen, he is EXTREMELY biased.
So yeah.....
Ooooh, I have Spring Break plans. Going to Galen's house for a week....to go snowboarding. That should be....interesting. lol. Still it should be fun. So, I'll talk to you later.
jerseymaster2003@yahoo.com (8:21:50 PM): Your were wrong heather... im not "upset". im pissed... i've been pissed and down right depressed for a while now and i've been trying to figure out why. Maybe its because of the fact that you and i dont hang out anymore... honestly its been weeks since you and i have enjoyed each others company. We'll just sit around and watch tv til u get bored and go running across the hall. Rencetly its been worse than that... i've been a pit stop for you... an errand even. Recently i decided something. Im done. Im done feeling shitty about myself all the time. Im done waiting hours on end for you to come over and hang out for 15 mother fucking minutes. Im done jumping through hoops in fear that you will forget me all together. Im done waking up with the optimism of thinking today might be different, just so that i could go to bed with the pessimism and hate of a lonely and pathetic man, who i have quite frankly become quite sick of being. I'm gonna talk about your relationship now. If you take offense, Im sorry, but this is MY opinion, it doesn't get heard very much. You dont know why i hate it when you use me as an example to help galen improve, do you. Its because he has proven time and time again to you that he is UNWILLING to change for anything... including you. So everytime you use me as an example you are saying that he's not good enough but i am... THEN WHY NOT BE WITH ME.
jerseymaster2003@yahoo.com (8:21:54 PM): Something has been changing in your relationship with him... but not him. Its been your expectations. They've been getting lower for months and will continue until there wont be any left and you'll just be putty in his hands til the day you die. When you first use to come to me pissed off with what he did to dissappoint you, i used to get optimistic. I would think... maybe this is the time... maybe this time she will leave him. As time went on however i noticed a pattern. You would be back in his arms again makin kissey faces by the end of the night EVERY FUCKING TIME. Thats enough proof for me. Proof that no matter what he does, no matter how much he hurts you... by the end of the night you'll be back in his arms. Where the hell will i be... same bit, dark room, lonely thoughts, and a slow realization that i probably wont ever be with you. Cause you dont have feelings for me, do you. You dont want me the way i want you (not even close 10000:1), and at this point i dont think you ever will.
Heather i love you. I love you more then anything in the world... i know people have said that before... but i dont think they meant it the way i do. But things cant stay the way they are. I cant be your friend and still see so little of you. All that does is leave me wanting and that is the worst feeling in the world. Now then, im leaving tommorow morning. Im going home til sunday, and i then come talk to me on sunday, till then i just need to not think about any of this bull shit at least for once. Im willing to work things out with you, but a change is nessecary. If you find absoleutly zero truth in this and think that i just made a huge jackass of myself and never want to talk to me again... well i geuss thats what you gotta do. I wont see you till monday except perhaps in the hall by coincedince. So i'll seeya. I hope this isnt goodbye.
jerseymaster2003@yahoo.com went mobile at 8:22:07 PM.
IMs will be sent to your buddy's mobile device as text messages. Learn more about Mobile IM.
I don't think he's right. I don't think I'm lowering my expectations. I got upset last night and started thinking that maybe I was and without even knowing what was going on...Clif (a mutual friend of ours that is ALWAYS around) just looked at me and said "He is getting better. You know that right? It's slow, but he's going to sleep regularly and doing his homework and dropping everything to be with you." Which made me feel a lot better. Galen and I talk a lot more...we just took a shower together during which the entire conversation was about the changes Obama is making and our views of socio-economic progress or something like that. Which...is bizarre. And at one point I just started laughing....I had to...he squirted body wash on a mesh thingy while he started talking about the gold standard......
And yeah.....I have been avoiding hanging out with him for long periods of time....because no matter what...he's increasingly more depressed and.....I just can't be around people that are like that. I can't cheer people up....thats a lot of stress for a person to endure. Anyway....I'm going to message him at some point when he gets back.....but I don't know. When I first got the message, I was sad and crying. And now I'm just kinda mad, because no matter what Galen has done he has never hurt me intentionally and David meant to hurt me with that message. He does NOT know about my relationship with Galen, he is EXTREMELY biased.
So yeah.....
Ooooh, I have Spring Break plans. Going to Galen's house for a week....to go snowboarding. That should be....interesting. lol. Still it should be fun. So, I'll talk to you later.