(no subject)
i spend so much of my time overanalyzing and wishing everything in my life, particularly things i have no control over, were different or better... and then i feel like a failure that i can't just suck it up and fix things if i wish things were different... and then it all starts over again.
i want to lose 20 pounds.
i want to make beautiful things and get more into the art that i have lost in myself.
i wish there were more hours in the day... and more time for sleep.
i want to be more relaxed, more patient, and more chill.
i want to feel completely consumed by being in love. i want the beginning back.
i want to have control over the things that are out of control in my life... that i can't talk about without crying, and that are so secret that they don't even feel real.
i want to be an ashley that isn't confused and muddied by stress, anxiety, and overanalysis/worry...
oy
also, fuck people that go out of their way to tell me how much they miss me, that they haven't had time to call or write or whatever even though i had written or called... and THEN proceed to ignore me again. please, just be consistent. if you don't want to talk to me, cool. i'll chill out. please don't let me waste my time and make myself feel like an idiot for thinking you were sincere. i assume that if you go out of your way to apologize all on your own or go out of your way to tell me how much you miss me, what a great person/friend i am that it isn't bullshit because who the heck would put all that effort out there for no reason, uninstigated... and it's all fake?? jesus- SAVE IT. you're done.
sorry for the rant...
i want to lose 20 pounds.
i want to make beautiful things and get more into the art that i have lost in myself.
i wish there were more hours in the day... and more time for sleep.
i want to be more relaxed, more patient, and more chill.
i want to feel completely consumed by being in love. i want the beginning back.
i want to have control over the things that are out of control in my life... that i can't talk about without crying, and that are so secret that they don't even feel real.
i want to be an ashley that isn't confused and muddied by stress, anxiety, and overanalysis/worry...
oy
also, fuck people that go out of their way to tell me how much they miss me, that they haven't had time to call or write or whatever even though i had written or called... and THEN proceed to ignore me again. please, just be consistent. if you don't want to talk to me, cool. i'll chill out. please don't let me waste my time and make myself feel like an idiot for thinking you were sincere. i assume that if you go out of your way to apologize all on your own or go out of your way to tell me how much you miss me, what a great person/friend i am that it isn't bullshit because who the heck would put all that effort out there for no reason, uninstigated... and it's all fake?? jesus- SAVE IT. you're done.
sorry for the rant...