(no subject)
I've been putting off posting. You may have noticed, maybe not.
First, an update of sorts:
Work, work, work
I interviewed for an Internship with the Federal government. Pros: It's Communication, and the hours will work around my future part-time job. Cons: I'd be working the Republican Convention this Autumn. Ick. I'm one of four people who interviewed, I think I have all the resume-qualities and skillz they were looking for, and they were tickled when I asked them to call me Ginger. In any case, I won't hear anything until the come back from Washington, DC next week.
I'll be starting work part-time for the Minnesota WorkForce this next Tuesday. Damn, that means I have to get up in the morning. Worth it, though. : )
I'll be Volunteering for Fringe starting Thursday. Since I'm only going to be at the job until Noon, I'm mainly scheduled for shifts in the afternoon. Gunthar's going to be a Photographer, so we spent most of the day today figuring out who drops who off, what other shows we want to spend my comps on, which shows we need to reserve... Excel is my friend.
Family Angst
My trip to my sister's place...
Gack. Whenever I visit any of my siblings and Mom will be there, I end up being the default barricade between them and her. It feels like it's the price of belonging to my "family." But now, I'm noticing my mother is less problem to deal with than my sister.
Yes, she's dealing with cancer. Yes, chemo takes a lot out of her (one week left, thankfully). Yes, she needs help, and I don't have a problem with that, but she's also taken it as a reason not to deal with mother at all. I'm feeling resentful that she's made me her social secretary. If I want to stay in the Cities (Volunteer Party, for instance) or work around my schedule of things I have to do (job interview, hello!), I have to call Mom and shift her visit, since Steph can't have her over if I'm not there.
I found out it's easier to deal with my mother than the rest of my family. It seems that no one else have ever really dealt with the anger they have at her for moving out when we were kids. I've talked to Mom extensively about the reasons she left and about the abuse I went through with Dad, and I discovered how fragile she is and always will be. Steph's not willing to do the same and, I imagine, it's easier to leave it that Mom failed her. I have a relationship with my mother, but I don't really see her more than a woman I see every six months or so, talk to her on the phone on occasional Sundays and talk about the weather, and get birthday cards with a $20 check in it. I'm fond of her, and I don't ask much from her since she's not really up to it, but it's not like getting impacted wisdom teeth removed dealing with her.
Steph wants to play Mom to the rest of the family, but does she remember that she left six months after Mom and left me and my little brothers behind? Am I bitter? Yup. Do I stifle it and put off saying anything to her? Uh huh.
I bury so much stuff I don't usually realize what the problem is. It just surfaced a couple of days ago, so now I have to figure out what I should do about it. More meditation, I guess. It's what got it to the surface in the first place.
First, an update of sorts:
Work, work, work
I interviewed for an Internship with the Federal government. Pros: It's Communication, and the hours will work around my future part-time job. Cons: I'd be working the Republican Convention this Autumn. Ick. I'm one of four people who interviewed, I think I have all the resume-qualities and skillz they were looking for, and they were tickled when I asked them to call me Ginger. In any case, I won't hear anything until the come back from Washington, DC next week.
I'll be starting work part-time for the Minnesota WorkForce this next Tuesday. Damn, that means I have to get up in the morning. Worth it, though. : )
I'll be Volunteering for Fringe starting Thursday. Since I'm only going to be at the job until Noon, I'm mainly scheduled for shifts in the afternoon. Gunthar's going to be a Photographer, so we spent most of the day today figuring out who drops who off, what other shows we want to spend my comps on, which shows we need to reserve... Excel is my friend.
Family Angst
My trip to my sister's place...
Gack. Whenever I visit any of my siblings and Mom will be there, I end up being the default barricade between them and her. It feels like it's the price of belonging to my "family." But now, I'm noticing my mother is less problem to deal with than my sister.
Yes, she's dealing with cancer. Yes, chemo takes a lot out of her (one week left, thankfully). Yes, she needs help, and I don't have a problem with that, but she's also taken it as a reason not to deal with mother at all. I'm feeling resentful that she's made me her social secretary. If I want to stay in the Cities (Volunteer Party, for instance) or work around my schedule of things I have to do (job interview, hello!), I have to call Mom and shift her visit, since Steph can't have her over if I'm not there.
I found out it's easier to deal with my mother than the rest of my family. It seems that no one else have ever really dealt with the anger they have at her for moving out when we were kids. I've talked to Mom extensively about the reasons she left and about the abuse I went through with Dad, and I discovered how fragile she is and always will be. Steph's not willing to do the same and, I imagine, it's easier to leave it that Mom failed her. I have a relationship with my mother, but I don't really see her more than a woman I see every six months or so, talk to her on the phone on occasional Sundays and talk about the weather, and get birthday cards with a $20 check in it. I'm fond of her, and I don't ask much from her since she's not really up to it, but it's not like getting impacted wisdom teeth removed dealing with her.
Steph wants to play Mom to the rest of the family, but does she remember that she left six months after Mom and left me and my little brothers behind? Am I bitter? Yup. Do I stifle it and put off saying anything to her? Uh huh.
I bury so much stuff I don't usually realize what the problem is. It just surfaced a couple of days ago, so now I have to figure out what I should do about it. More meditation, I guess. It's what got it to the surface in the first place.