May 10, 2012 23:17
Well I had an emotionally odd day.
I woke up exhausted because I had a late work event last night. Oh, it was a nice event - a staff member and client were honored with an award we nominated them for.
Yet I left for work in a good mood. And spent most of the day productive but relaxed and chipper.
This, despite knowing I was about to terminate someone's employment. We had a staff member who was very sweet but inept. Called out too often. Kept forgetting to do things. A total space cadet who never quite left adolescence. When I gave her the news I found my voice quivering. I told her it brought me no pleasure and she responded that she could hear it in my voice.
I needed a breather after that, so I went and bought a cookie that turned out to have nearly no chocolate chips in it. And when I returned a client with apparent anger issues started yelling and became so loud I had to ask him to leave my office.
Tomorrow is Friday and we'll be getting new computers installed. I put so much effort into getting this project going. Yet me staff seem utterly non-plussed. Maybe once the computers are up and running they'll be a bit happier about it. But at least my boss is happy. In fact, he called me not once but twice this week to express all kinds of happy feelings over the things I/we have been able to accomplish so far in seven months.
I feel like I've been a good administrator. I stated needs. I asked for help and got it. I got stuff done. Now I can concentrate on finishing plans in motion, identifying new needs, and focusing on areas that have been escaping my attention.
One reason I will be able to is that a new phase will be starting soon. A new Social Services Director will be starting on the 29th. I've no idea how to train her. How do you train someone to take over a job you've done for so long you can't even piece apart what of it is the job and what of it is what you've brought to it? So many details. I guess I'll start with a basic overview and tackle the details as the come along. And hope that her skill set is strong enough to handle all the work cut out for her. It's funny. I often felt completely useless when I held that role. Now I have a bigger vision for what she can do with it than I was ever allowed.
One thing, at least. I look forward to having someone else take some of the heat when the clients with anger issues come knocking. My brain is itching to be creative. I even had a dream recently about my dissertation that's been on hold. I was talking with someone about my topic and analysis plan.
Exhaustion makes me go numb. But my general character won't allow me to be stagnant forever. On a very deep level, my mind knows there's hope on the horizon. And it seems to be making plans already!
On a final note, I read on the BBC news website that another Mayan calendar was found. There was one interesting line that stuck out to me. Rather than supporting this silly notion of the Mayan's predicting the end of the world in 2012, the author of the article suggested they had a completely different outlook. Whereas we, in contemporary society, are constantly looking for death, looking for the doom and gloom, looking for the end . . . the Mayans were conversely looking for the opposite. The were looking 7000 years into the future, with the hopes that nothing would change.
Imagine a society so content it hopes things remain the same for 7000 years. Now that, my friends, is some kind of optimism.
dissertation,
shelter