You're not walking, are you?
I have to say, being without a good pc and unexpectedly phone-less in this age really is a hassle. This Sunday I was supposed to be Geocashing with Liesther, Falco and Fenk but it got cancelled. Of course I didn’t know that in time due to no-phone and internet issues so I ended up in Hilversum on my own. I walked to Falco’s place to see if I got the wrong idea about the meeting place and then went to Hilversum Sportpark just in case. Figured then that the rain probably put people off and I was going to be the only one to show up (you wusses! ;p)
Since I was already there I figured I might as well walk back to Utrecht and call it a trainings-day for Santiago. So I ended up walking 4.5-5 hours in the rain which was a good experience. I got pretty cold at the end but I was mentally prepared for that so overall it was pretty manageable. (For Santiago I have to walk 6-10 hours every day so this was not particularly far, just that the weather condition drains more energy)
The funniest thing was the reaction of two ladies I met on the road. They were also training for Santiago but seeing how I was pretty underdressed (well I figured we’d walk a measly 4-6 km not 18+) without water or protective clothes (my bag and bike got busted too last week. I don’t know how I do it either) one of them exclaimed with a bit of a shock: “ You’re not walking are you?!”
I thought that was pretty funny. Given, walking in this sense of course meant walking long distances through the rain on a foolish initiative, but it was still funny.
See the thing is, when you put your mind to it, accept that the walk will take some hours and that you will get wet and cold and decide that you’ll agree with that and still go for it, it’s easy to accept that consequence without much negative thought. It really wasn’t all that hard to do ^_^ It was even kinda fun; admittedly, a hot bath afterwards really helps a lot ne ;) after all: Pain, at times, is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Allergy wise/physically I’m doing ok. Right now my left eye is a little swollen and twitching (I got too much on my plate last month, resulting in the famous ‘twitch’ and several nosebleeds at REALLY inconvenient moments XD) the right is puffed up and this morning I couldn’t even open it but it’s improving and I can see through it well enough now, so hopefully I can venture out again tomorrow. The good thing is that this hasn’t happened to me in a quite some time, so I’m not too uncomfortable under it ^^ it actually helped me realize I’m doing really well in general ^_^ my constitution is definitely improving, and my acceptance that I’m not (yet) as healthy as a lot of others too.
Another bright note is that I ‘met’ several animals in the past month and by adopting a certain ‘mind over matter’ idea I was able to breeze through that pretty easily. The consequences were not grave at all ^_^ Sure, it was not entirely without effect, but it was so much less than what it used to be that this has given me a whole new perspective on my illnesses. I’m pretty determined to heal myself. I know it can be done, and I will do it. I just know it is possible and as long as I’m gentle and patient with myself, it will work. I’m looking forward to petting Thigo, Amber’s adorable new puppy in a few weeks. I hope it will work out!
My mom will undergo heart-surgery later this week. It’s not a big operation, but it’s still a heart-operation, so naturally I’m a little nervous. Especially since my mom often thinks in doom-scenarios and my dad died from unexpected heart-failure; so when she tells me she has left a document on the desktop about what to do when something goes horribly wrong, I just don’t really know how to react to that apart from ‘let’s go in with the expectation we won’t need it.’
The good thing is that after this is over, she can go back to traveling, and that’s something I really encourage. It will snatch that nagging ‘what if’ loop from the back of our minds and she can get back on a plane to her family once in a while ^_^ or just go out with friends for a weekend or so.
Though my mom and I are doing much better regarding our relationship, I do feel I don’t like to be at home much lately. My mom, bless her, has a strong opinion about a lot of things and often it just makes me feel unwell having to listen to it. She’s completely entitled to her own opinion, of course. I just don’t want to get caught in the middle of it.
I know she doesn’t really approve of me not watching (much) of the news or follow politics closely, but stopping keeping tags of those things was one of the best choices I have made so far. Sure it doesn’t make you look good in the eyes of others when you don’t know what’s going on in the world but still…I’ll take that as is.
It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I care too much. I, for one cannot watch thousands of people in all kinds of terrible and terrifying situations without feeling mauled by it. I cannot watch politics without feeling unwell in my stomach. I don’t have that kind of mental discipline and focus yet. When I do watch these things I get distraught and emotional and I have to come up with feelings of almost callous disinterest to counter it and oftentimes, that feels even worse. And it’s not that I switch off or close off anything that has to do with these things just as soon as they cross my path, rather, I just don’t willfully seek it out every single day.
Speaking of family, Liseth, my twinnie is doing ok. She’s still traveling in South America after visiting the U.S. (Las Vegas for a U2 concert and then driving through the Grand Canyon area on her own)
After her plans to go to Machu Picchu were thwarted earlier, she’s still in Bolivia after visiting Costa Rica, Ecuador, Nicaragua, and Peru, brandishing grand tales ;) and is now a little unsure about traveling to Chili after the earthquake. Not really lucky, but it can’t really be helped and hey, now she has something to go back for :D She’s deciding about whether to skip the Amazon region and just visit our family in south Brazil and then head back home.
I for one really want to visit the Amazonas one day, so maybe we can go together later. For now we agreed she’d look me up in France and we’ll walk a couple of days together when I’m on my way to Santiago de Compostela in Spain.
I’m still really proud of her ^_^ and I miss talking and sharing experiences with her. But it’s all good as long as I know she’s fine.
Many of my friends and loved ones are undergoing trying and taxing times, and at the same time I see many rise up to their challenges, either by standing up tall, or by just opening their eyes a little bit more, and I find that infinitely inspiring.
I know sometimes it’s hard. I know that for me too, when I set out on my own journey, there will be times where I doubt myself and my decisions or feelings, but then I just need to consciously reach out for a thought that makes me feel a little better. And then another after that. No matter if it’s within seconds, or if it takes me two days. I’ll just go step by step…just like my feet.
Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. (~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha)
And:
When you come to the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on. (~Franklin D. Roosevelt)
Since I was already there I figured I might as well walk back to Utrecht and call it a trainings-day for Santiago. So I ended up walking 4.5-5 hours in the rain which was a good experience. I got pretty cold at the end but I was mentally prepared for that so overall it was pretty manageable. (For Santiago I have to walk 6-10 hours every day so this was not particularly far, just that the weather condition drains more energy)
The funniest thing was the reaction of two ladies I met on the road. They were also training for Santiago but seeing how I was pretty underdressed (well I figured we’d walk a measly 4-6 km not 18+) without water or protective clothes (my bag and bike got busted too last week. I don’t know how I do it either) one of them exclaimed with a bit of a shock: “ You’re not walking are you?!”
I thought that was pretty funny. Given, walking in this sense of course meant walking long distances through the rain on a foolish initiative, but it was still funny.
See the thing is, when you put your mind to it, accept that the walk will take some hours and that you will get wet and cold and decide that you’ll agree with that and still go for it, it’s easy to accept that consequence without much negative thought. It really wasn’t all that hard to do ^_^ It was even kinda fun; admittedly, a hot bath afterwards really helps a lot ne ;) after all: Pain, at times, is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Allergy wise/physically I’m doing ok. Right now my left eye is a little swollen and twitching (I got too much on my plate last month, resulting in the famous ‘twitch’ and several nosebleeds at REALLY inconvenient moments XD) the right is puffed up and this morning I couldn’t even open it but it’s improving and I can see through it well enough now, so hopefully I can venture out again tomorrow. The good thing is that this hasn’t happened to me in a quite some time, so I’m not too uncomfortable under it ^^ it actually helped me realize I’m doing really well in general ^_^ my constitution is definitely improving, and my acceptance that I’m not (yet) as healthy as a lot of others too.
Another bright note is that I ‘met’ several animals in the past month and by adopting a certain ‘mind over matter’ idea I was able to breeze through that pretty easily. The consequences were not grave at all ^_^ Sure, it was not entirely without effect, but it was so much less than what it used to be that this has given me a whole new perspective on my illnesses. I’m pretty determined to heal myself. I know it can be done, and I will do it. I just know it is possible and as long as I’m gentle and patient with myself, it will work. I’m looking forward to petting Thigo, Amber’s adorable new puppy in a few weeks. I hope it will work out!
My mom will undergo heart-surgery later this week. It’s not a big operation, but it’s still a heart-operation, so naturally I’m a little nervous. Especially since my mom often thinks in doom-scenarios and my dad died from unexpected heart-failure; so when she tells me she has left a document on the desktop about what to do when something goes horribly wrong, I just don’t really know how to react to that apart from ‘let’s go in with the expectation we won’t need it.’
The good thing is that after this is over, she can go back to traveling, and that’s something I really encourage. It will snatch that nagging ‘what if’ loop from the back of our minds and she can get back on a plane to her family once in a while ^_^ or just go out with friends for a weekend or so.
Though my mom and I are doing much better regarding our relationship, I do feel I don’t like to be at home much lately. My mom, bless her, has a strong opinion about a lot of things and often it just makes me feel unwell having to listen to it. She’s completely entitled to her own opinion, of course. I just don’t want to get caught in the middle of it.
I know she doesn’t really approve of me not watching (much) of the news or follow politics closely, but stopping keeping tags of those things was one of the best choices I have made so far. Sure it doesn’t make you look good in the eyes of others when you don’t know what’s going on in the world but still…I’ll take that as is.
It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I care too much. I, for one cannot watch thousands of people in all kinds of terrible and terrifying situations without feeling mauled by it. I cannot watch politics without feeling unwell in my stomach. I don’t have that kind of mental discipline and focus yet. When I do watch these things I get distraught and emotional and I have to come up with feelings of almost callous disinterest to counter it and oftentimes, that feels even worse. And it’s not that I switch off or close off anything that has to do with these things just as soon as they cross my path, rather, I just don’t willfully seek it out every single day.
Speaking of family, Liseth, my twinnie is doing ok. She’s still traveling in South America after visiting the U.S. (Las Vegas for a U2 concert and then driving through the Grand Canyon area on her own)
After her plans to go to Machu Picchu were thwarted earlier, she’s still in Bolivia after visiting Costa Rica, Ecuador, Nicaragua, and Peru, brandishing grand tales ;) and is now a little unsure about traveling to Chili after the earthquake. Not really lucky, but it can’t really be helped and hey, now she has something to go back for :D She’s deciding about whether to skip the Amazon region and just visit our family in south Brazil and then head back home.
I for one really want to visit the Amazonas one day, so maybe we can go together later. For now we agreed she’d look me up in France and we’ll walk a couple of days together when I’m on my way to Santiago de Compostela in Spain.
I’m still really proud of her ^_^ and I miss talking and sharing experiences with her. But it’s all good as long as I know she’s fine.
Many of my friends and loved ones are undergoing trying and taxing times, and at the same time I see many rise up to their challenges, either by standing up tall, or by just opening their eyes a little bit more, and I find that infinitely inspiring.
I know sometimes it’s hard. I know that for me too, when I set out on my own journey, there will be times where I doubt myself and my decisions or feelings, but then I just need to consciously reach out for a thought that makes me feel a little better. And then another after that. No matter if it’s within seconds, or if it takes me two days. I’ll just go step by step…just like my feet.
Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. (~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha)
And:
When you come to the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on. (~Franklin D. Roosevelt)