mom
it's so hard to believe my mom is gone. just a few months ago i took her to the Salvation Army and we were shopping together for a couple of hours. I was trying on clothes and she was telling me why she liked them or didn't like them. I'm wearing one of the shirts i bought that day...A large part of me feels kind of void right now. When people ask me how i'm doing i say "i'm hanging in there" which is true to some degree. One thing i wished i'd mentioned at the memorial yesterday was how giving our mother was...sometimes almost overgiving ;) every time we went over she was giving us stuff (and then later we would make a goodwill run because we didn't want to tell her we didn't like what she was giving us...you'd understand if you were there). She would often give little kids things from her garage sale and other people she hardly knew. She had a wonderful heart. Though i'm glad i got laughs when i told about how she dressed me up in a monk outfit on a sunday haloween day and we went to a conservative baptist church at the time.
It seems like it all happened so fast and yet at the time it seemed like she wasn't passing fast enough for all the pain she was going through. I know i'm not supposed to feel guilty about stuff and people have told me I shouldn't feel guilty, but it happens anyways. I wish i'd spent more time with her. I wish i'd made time to make christmas ornaments with her when she'd called me and asked me to this last year or when she offered to come over and help clean the house, but i was to afraid of having her come over and drop stuff off or go on a rant at me.
Last night after the memorial i hung out with my sister's brother in-laws mother and father in law (who's house the memorial was at)and I found out that they are interested in the same hobby as me (hiking and photography). Phil showed me several of his pictures and gave me some tips on different things so hopefully I'll be able to go on some trips with them. They said they go hiking almost every week. I wish I'd gotten to know this amazing couple earlier, but i've always thought of them more of my siblings friends...They have been so amazing through this whole process i.e. bringing food over to my moms house while we were staying there and hosting our memorial service.
Mom's friend Beth came over to me before she left from the memorial and whispered in my ear that even though my mom's gone and she knows she can't replace her she'd be there for me and would help me out however she could. it was really sweet and meant a lot to me. I'm glad my mom's in a better place now but i miss her dearly. I love my mommy and always will...
It seems like it all happened so fast and yet at the time it seemed like she wasn't passing fast enough for all the pain she was going through. I know i'm not supposed to feel guilty about stuff and people have told me I shouldn't feel guilty, but it happens anyways. I wish i'd spent more time with her. I wish i'd made time to make christmas ornaments with her when she'd called me and asked me to this last year or when she offered to come over and help clean the house, but i was to afraid of having her come over and drop stuff off or go on a rant at me.
Last night after the memorial i hung out with my sister's brother in-laws mother and father in law (who's house the memorial was at)and I found out that they are interested in the same hobby as me (hiking and photography). Phil showed me several of his pictures and gave me some tips on different things so hopefully I'll be able to go on some trips with them. They said they go hiking almost every week. I wish I'd gotten to know this amazing couple earlier, but i've always thought of them more of my siblings friends...They have been so amazing through this whole process i.e. bringing food over to my moms house while we were staying there and hosting our memorial service.
Mom's friend Beth came over to me before she left from the memorial and whispered in my ear that even though my mom's gone and she knows she can't replace her she'd be there for me and would help me out however she could. it was really sweet and meant a lot to me. I'm glad my mom's in a better place now but i miss her dearly. I love my mommy and always will...