Confusion...
I know it's probably wrong for me to talk about this here in this manner, but I'm suffering from insomnia, and all these thoughts are bubbling... So, here we go!
I'm having a little trouble lately. I have some emotions for Danielle that I'm simply not supposed to have. She's a wonderful girl that embodies everything I want, but she has her own problems, and I feel as though I'm adding to them. I feel immensely guilty for that, and for simply being so emotionally attached to her when she can't possibly be as emotionally attached, even if she wanted to (which she sometimes appears to want to be like that). Let's just say that she was in a emotional cage for a long time, and even though the door's open, she's afraid to come out, and she believes she's out and free, but she's just in a cage with an open door. I don't intend to cage her, but I guess at this point in her life, a relationship would be another cage, as far as she sees it. What hasn't sunk into her sweet little skull yet is that while her ex neglected her and made her stop being herself to make him happy, for me she MUST be herself and she MUST go out with her friends (like Natalia, Melissa, and Nicole, who all ROCK) and she MUST understand that shes doesn't have to do all the work in the relationship because if she wasn't willing to be herself, she wouldn't be the girl I fell for anymore. I'm putting pressure on her that she doesn't deserve, but I don't know what to do. I can't stop feeling the way I do, but she can't handle that right now. So I'm in a catch-22. UGH! Somebody just make thing simple like they used to be! Guy likes girl, girl likes guy back, guy and girl go out. I wish I could go back and erase all the shit that this beautiful angel has had to deal with, cuz it's really, REALLY unfair to her, especially because, whereas if she were free of the bullshit, I'd probably be a delight to her, I've become stress and confusion. How much does it suck when the girl does like the guy back, but she just can't handle it. [sigh] Somebody pray for me, and keep other girls away from me, cuz I don't want them, and I'll just break their hearts. I don't know what the future brings, but all I know is that I've known exactly what I wanted in a girl YEARS ago, and described the girl that I wanted to friends many times, and then I met Danielle, only to find that she embodied all the qualities that I want, physically, emotionally, and personality-wise. I may be setting myself up for huge disappointment, but I don't want to push her away, and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to see if she realizes she wants to be with me. She has the key to my heart. Let's see if she uses it.
I'm having a little trouble lately. I have some emotions for Danielle that I'm simply not supposed to have. She's a wonderful girl that embodies everything I want, but she has her own problems, and I feel as though I'm adding to them. I feel immensely guilty for that, and for simply being so emotionally attached to her when she can't possibly be as emotionally attached, even if she wanted to (which she sometimes appears to want to be like that). Let's just say that she was in a emotional cage for a long time, and even though the door's open, she's afraid to come out, and she believes she's out and free, but she's just in a cage with an open door. I don't intend to cage her, but I guess at this point in her life, a relationship would be another cage, as far as she sees it. What hasn't sunk into her sweet little skull yet is that while her ex neglected her and made her stop being herself to make him happy, for me she MUST be herself and she MUST go out with her friends (like Natalia, Melissa, and Nicole, who all ROCK) and she MUST understand that shes doesn't have to do all the work in the relationship because if she wasn't willing to be herself, she wouldn't be the girl I fell for anymore. I'm putting pressure on her that she doesn't deserve, but I don't know what to do. I can't stop feeling the way I do, but she can't handle that right now. So I'm in a catch-22. UGH! Somebody just make thing simple like they used to be! Guy likes girl, girl likes guy back, guy and girl go out. I wish I could go back and erase all the shit that this beautiful angel has had to deal with, cuz it's really, REALLY unfair to her, especially because, whereas if she were free of the bullshit, I'd probably be a delight to her, I've become stress and confusion. How much does it suck when the girl does like the guy back, but she just can't handle it. [sigh] Somebody pray for me, and keep other girls away from me, cuz I don't want them, and I'll just break their hearts. I don't know what the future brings, but all I know is that I've known exactly what I wanted in a girl YEARS ago, and described the girl that I wanted to friends many times, and then I met Danielle, only to find that she embodied all the qualities that I want, physically, emotionally, and personality-wise. I may be setting myself up for huge disappointment, but I don't want to push her away, and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to see if she realizes she wants to be with me. She has the key to my heart. Let's see if she uses it.