Old Repost for Emily
This is an old entry of mine that I'm reposting for Emily because I said I'd dig it up. Feel free to ignore otherwise:
"Last Saturday I managed to stomache an entire episode of "Prince of Tennis", which in the past I have expressed complete and unmitigated horror in the face of the fact that it's a show about middle school tennis that they managed to squeeze several hundred episodes out of and a few live action movies. Rescan that. Middle school. Motherfucking. Tennis. I can see the appeal to the Paddle Wielding Set where such a show could be retitled as "Prince of Preteen Buttsex" and bear hideous progeny in the medium of fanfiction. So it goes. I shouldn't pass judgment, I suppose, as tastes differ and there are some who'd find my tastes in fiction... unnatural.
However, I have played sports in middle school and high school, and I can honestly say that many of these shows do accurately reflect scholastic sportsmanship. Let me explain.
-You don't ever need to train if you're a prodigy. Suckers train everyday after school and weight train. If you are a champion, you can master an aspect of a sport in a single afternoon from a sufficiently good teacher, which is certainly enough to give you the edge in your next big match. Really, it doesn't matter anyway, since even though winning any sport, be it soccer, baseball, wrestling, or card games (which are a sport, incidentally), boils down to exploiting special moves. Once you use a special move to win a match, you need never do it again and no one will ever refer to it. You just need to focus on learning the next special move and let natural ability carry you to the top.
-Furthermore, any training you do should be at an intensity level way beyond your overload point. After all, by training for hours using dangerous methods to push your body beyond its limits with no breaks just shows how committed you are. After all, you can only get injured at critical moments during the games themselves, not during practice.
-You should do this from the start, since the best champions in athletics aren't upperclassmen who've been on the team for three years and have had a chance to cultivate experience, but by upstart newcomers who clearly stink of destiny or who have relatives who used to be champions.
-It's important to work hard in sports. After all, in athletics, you are either completely undefeated or are a complete loser. There is no in between. If you lose a single match in whatever sport you play, everyone will automatically stop taking you seriously and you will never be heard of again, even if you've been solid for the last couple years.
-This can cause ALOT of stress. Self-flagellation, violent temper tantrums about how you "can't believe you are losing to such an AMATEUR!", attempting to attack your opponent, and rampant cheating are acceptable if you look like you are losing. As is threatening to commit suicide if your opponent is about to win.
-You should also get to know the people you are playing against. In all schools and sports, you will face several types of people. You will always face a big dumb powerhouse, a wise cracking joker, a noble opponent who's in it for the sport, a guy who acts like a fourteen year old girl, a severely pissed off pretty boy, and a guy with glasses who spouts off constantly about how he's analyzed your moves scientifically and spouts off probabilities (even statistics have absolutely no application).
-Furthermore, you will find that your opponent's skill is directly proportional to the distinctiveness of their hair and how pretty they are. The crazier their hair, the more likely they are to hand you your ass. For example, if you are playing soccer against a team and you notice their side consists of ten nondescript black haired youths and one pissed off blonde guy with an inexplicable french braid; watch the fuck out for that guy.
-When facing off against any opponent, you shouldn't engage in petty shit talking with your opponent or be cheerful. You should remain stoic and exhibit a weird amount of sexual tension with him at all times. It should appear that at any moment you could have a hate fuck with him in the equipment closet.
-This should be easy. Your average middle school or high school athlete is between six and six and a half feet tall, has a completely clear complexion, soft kissable lips, hard steely eyes, and speaks with a cold voice dripping with disdain. Further, he's got muscles male humans generally don't get the testosterone to develop until they are 16 or 17 at a minimum. Even though hordes of sexy girls fling themselves at him, you'll never hear about a high school athlete knocking up a cheerleader or getting drunk and acting like a abusive jackass. Ever. High school athletes are far too cool for that.
-Just try to have fun out there and try to ignore that the results of your match could actually have serious effects on world politics or that your match involves ancient mystical forces. "
"Last Saturday I managed to stomache an entire episode of "Prince of Tennis", which in the past I have expressed complete and unmitigated horror in the face of the fact that it's a show about middle school tennis that they managed to squeeze several hundred episodes out of and a few live action movies. Rescan that. Middle school. Motherfucking. Tennis. I can see the appeal to the Paddle Wielding Set where such a show could be retitled as "Prince of Preteen Buttsex" and bear hideous progeny in the medium of fanfiction. So it goes. I shouldn't pass judgment, I suppose, as tastes differ and there are some who'd find my tastes in fiction... unnatural.
However, I have played sports in middle school and high school, and I can honestly say that many of these shows do accurately reflect scholastic sportsmanship. Let me explain.
-You don't ever need to train if you're a prodigy. Suckers train everyday after school and weight train. If you are a champion, you can master an aspect of a sport in a single afternoon from a sufficiently good teacher, which is certainly enough to give you the edge in your next big match. Really, it doesn't matter anyway, since even though winning any sport, be it soccer, baseball, wrestling, or card games (which are a sport, incidentally), boils down to exploiting special moves. Once you use a special move to win a match, you need never do it again and no one will ever refer to it. You just need to focus on learning the next special move and let natural ability carry you to the top.
-Furthermore, any training you do should be at an intensity level way beyond your overload point. After all, by training for hours using dangerous methods to push your body beyond its limits with no breaks just shows how committed you are. After all, you can only get injured at critical moments during the games themselves, not during practice.
-You should do this from the start, since the best champions in athletics aren't upperclassmen who've been on the team for three years and have had a chance to cultivate experience, but by upstart newcomers who clearly stink of destiny or who have relatives who used to be champions.
-It's important to work hard in sports. After all, in athletics, you are either completely undefeated or are a complete loser. There is no in between. If you lose a single match in whatever sport you play, everyone will automatically stop taking you seriously and you will never be heard of again, even if you've been solid for the last couple years.
-This can cause ALOT of stress. Self-flagellation, violent temper tantrums about how you "can't believe you are losing to such an AMATEUR!", attempting to attack your opponent, and rampant cheating are acceptable if you look like you are losing. As is threatening to commit suicide if your opponent is about to win.
-You should also get to know the people you are playing against. In all schools and sports, you will face several types of people. You will always face a big dumb powerhouse, a wise cracking joker, a noble opponent who's in it for the sport, a guy who acts like a fourteen year old girl, a severely pissed off pretty boy, and a guy with glasses who spouts off constantly about how he's analyzed your moves scientifically and spouts off probabilities (even statistics have absolutely no application).
-Furthermore, you will find that your opponent's skill is directly proportional to the distinctiveness of their hair and how pretty they are. The crazier their hair, the more likely they are to hand you your ass. For example, if you are playing soccer against a team and you notice their side consists of ten nondescript black haired youths and one pissed off blonde guy with an inexplicable french braid; watch the fuck out for that guy.
-When facing off against any opponent, you shouldn't engage in petty shit talking with your opponent or be cheerful. You should remain stoic and exhibit a weird amount of sexual tension with him at all times. It should appear that at any moment you could have a hate fuck with him in the equipment closet.
-This should be easy. Your average middle school or high school athlete is between six and six and a half feet tall, has a completely clear complexion, soft kissable lips, hard steely eyes, and speaks with a cold voice dripping with disdain. Further, he's got muscles male humans generally don't get the testosterone to develop until they are 16 or 17 at a minimum. Even though hordes of sexy girls fling themselves at him, you'll never hear about a high school athlete knocking up a cheerleader or getting drunk and acting like a abusive jackass. Ever. High school athletes are far too cool for that.
-Just try to have fun out there and try to ignore that the results of your match could actually have serious effects on world politics or that your match involves ancient mystical forces. "