"I imagine what my body would sound like slamming against those rocks..."
Ah, Björk. Hyperballad. So sad and depressed and beautiful.
I'm sad. And also slightly depressed, I think. But I most certainly am not beautiful. *sigh*
One of these days I'm going to do something stupid again. I can feel it. Hell, I haven't /really/ screwed up since I told Juha I crushed on him. Hey, I haven't learnt from my mistakes. The two guys I told the same before Juha came along just laughed, yet I went and did it again. And I will do it again, I'm sure of it. *sigh* I really hate human emotions most of the time. Especially when we're talking about my emotions. I feel all the wrong things for all the wrong people. If there was some way to remove all emotions, hell, I'd get mine removed any day. Because I just can't stand my heart being broken over and over and over. It hurts. It fucking hurts.
The part that hurts most is that nobody cares. I'm just a whiny little spoilt brat. What am I supposed to be, a fucking ice queen? I feel, people! I love and hate just like the rest of you... at least for now. Who knows? Maybe all my emotions will just wither away, and before I know it, I'm some sort of frigid zombie. I'm going to make one hell of a worker, you know. No life, no family, no risk of pregnancy, no pulse. I'm going to become a comet, a working lizard. Companies shall love me, and humans, those warm-blooded mortals, shall shun me, be afraid of the fact that I am so much beyond them. I hold their lives in my grasp, suck the warmth and life out of them...
HOLY SHIT. Did I just write that? I'm even more fucked up than I thought O.O I need something to drink. Alcohol free, mind. I'm an absolutist. Same goes for drugs and smoking. Fuck, I'm boring. I hate myself. I'm the epitome of what I never wanted to be: an unstable, unsure wreck of a person, with no past, no present, and no future. But hey, you can only go up from the bottom, right?
WRONG. You can always go /through/ the bottom, and fall into a sickening, endless pit of despair and self-pity. Self-pity's what I love. I'm going to fill this entire journal with it and then /drown in it/. Yes. It'll be... no, it won't be beautiful. It'll be the end of me, and the beginning of a more beautiful era for the rest of you.
"We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like
Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way
To start the day
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you
It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
I imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you..."
I'm sad. And also slightly depressed, I think. But I most certainly am not beautiful. *sigh*
One of these days I'm going to do something stupid again. I can feel it. Hell, I haven't /really/ screwed up since I told Juha I crushed on him. Hey, I haven't learnt from my mistakes. The two guys I told the same before Juha came along just laughed, yet I went and did it again. And I will do it again, I'm sure of it. *sigh* I really hate human emotions most of the time. Especially when we're talking about my emotions. I feel all the wrong things for all the wrong people. If there was some way to remove all emotions, hell, I'd get mine removed any day. Because I just can't stand my heart being broken over and over and over. It hurts. It fucking hurts.
The part that hurts most is that nobody cares. I'm just a whiny little spoilt brat. What am I supposed to be, a fucking ice queen? I feel, people! I love and hate just like the rest of you... at least for now. Who knows? Maybe all my emotions will just wither away, and before I know it, I'm some sort of frigid zombie. I'm going to make one hell of a worker, you know. No life, no family, no risk of pregnancy, no pulse. I'm going to become a comet, a working lizard. Companies shall love me, and humans, those warm-blooded mortals, shall shun me, be afraid of the fact that I am so much beyond them. I hold their lives in my grasp, suck the warmth and life out of them...
HOLY SHIT. Did I just write that? I'm even more fucked up than I thought O.O I need something to drink. Alcohol free, mind. I'm an absolutist. Same goes for drugs and smoking. Fuck, I'm boring. I hate myself. I'm the epitome of what I never wanted to be: an unstable, unsure wreck of a person, with no past, no present, and no future. But hey, you can only go up from the bottom, right?
WRONG. You can always go /through/ the bottom, and fall into a sickening, endless pit of despair and self-pity. Self-pity's what I love. I'm going to fill this entire journal with it and then /drown in it/. Yes. It'll be... no, it won't be beautiful. It'll be the end of me, and the beginning of a more beautiful era for the rest of you.
"We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like
Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way
To start the day
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you
It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
I imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you..."