A single anthill can grow to be as large as a Volkswagen filled with ants, if the anthill is built in a Volkswagen.
Bees can smell not only fear, but guilt, shame, and disgust. In early versions of the Fox series “Lie to Me,” Tim Roth’s character was slated to be a giant, talking bee.
The Praying Mantis is the only insect that marries. Female mosquitoes are the only ones that suck blood. Do you see what I’m getting at here? I’ve had bad experiences with women.
Insects can only live in places disgusting enough to sustain life.
“Insects can be very nutritious” is a lie often told to people in developing countries who lack the schooling to know any better.
Most insects are protected externally by armor known as an “exo-skeleton” but lack the ability to withstand pointed insults or biting sarcasm, and tend to be overly concerned by gossip.
Earwigs are so named due to a comical attempt by a garrulous, infested British man to explain the mass of creatures spilling from the side of his head.
Obsessive compulsives and bitchy nerds cannot stand to see a fact about spiders in a list of insect facts.
If all of the different kinds of beetles in the world were mashed together into a paste and sculpted into the form of a person, that person would be Michael Bay.
The purpose of the light in a firefly’s tail is to attract potential mates, because nothing says “stick your big bug dick right here” like a flashing light on your asshole.
Actually, no one knows if bugs even have dicks, or if they do, how big they are.
Lice are the only insects that feed exclusively on human blood, but I guess they don’t sell tickets like hunky teenage vampires or my script “Twilice” would have been picked up by now.
Batman originally got his name by feeding exclusively on mosquitoes for six months. He eventually stopped when his girlfriend complained that his jizz tasted like rusty sand.
Many diseases are transmittable by insects, but not herpes, so fuck away, cockonauts.
Army ants cannot be stopped by anything except a lack of popular domestic support.
If you catch a dragonfly and tape a match to its back and light it it looks like a real dragon and will burn your house down.
Butterflies are the most popular insect in vibrator design. The least popular? The pussyroach.
Mayflies, which live for only one hour, can still find time to produce thoughtful essays into the myriad ways that they waste their dull, insignificant lives.
The name ladybug is actually an ironic one, as they are generally pretty trashy and poorly versed in the rules of etiquette.
One pound of shellac requires the equivalent of insect genocide to produce, so get off your high fucking horse, artists who coat their work in shellac.
Radiation exposure does not makes bugs giant, but can produce normal, human-sized bugs that just want to live normal lives and not cause any trouble. Kill them at all costs, they want to take your human job, and seduce your white, virgin daughter.
Caterpillars have over 4,000 muscles in their bodies, which explains why they act like such fucking tough guys all the fucking time.
There is no reason for insects to be alive, and the first person to discover how to kill them all will become the king of the humans.