so finals are here
i can't believe this first semester is already over it went by so fast, it goes to show once you learn to be comfortable in a new setting time fly by so fast opposed to last years ever lasting first semester. im really excitied i think im might have a chance at straight A's this semester, i have been trying to get more focused on school cause it cost a shit load to go here...or actually to a shit load of money to go to any college at that...so no point in wasting it right?
it is so wierd that at this point in my life everything is forever changing, especially me. i mean not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. and im sure everyone of you are feeling the same way. like you can go to crazy wild child person one second...and then completly be calm focused and reserved the next....its funny to look at the stages in my life. like i went through that whole crazy rollercoaster wild child phase last year and thought that nothing mattered and everything was rad, because i was so far and detached from the dramatic things in life, i wasnt realizing i was shielding it with a some what of a self destructive life style, piercings, guys whatever it may be, it was just covering the underlining troubles that i wanted to just hide and forget. however now since im a lot more happier and willing to face things in my life that arent so easy to deal with i dont need that wild path to shield anything im all in the open, im not going to lie my life is not all fine and dandy but who the hell is , i mean everyone and i mean everyone has shit in their life that stress them out and make them cry and feel pain and anguish eventually, im just dealing with alot of it right now but that doesnt necessarily mean that my life will always be like that, if i work on the bad and realize the good parts of life then im sure i will get to that part in my life that i have no stress and emotional pain, i know theres going to be times where i forget this and im going to feel like everything is shit, but its important that i subconscienely know this deep down to pull me out, im going through another stage...the slowly growing up and facing the hard truth phase. i think im slowly beginning to realize life is what you make of it, if you run from your troubles its going to linger over your head, if you make it crazy then it will be crazy, i took out almost all of my piercings and now am very reserved with guys especially random ones lol...i love piercings and tattoos still but right now its not for me, and right now i dont really want to hook up with anyone i rather have meaningful conversations insted, i need stability in my life wiether with a person or alone, i seriously am having a blast being single and not being overly well lets be honest slutty. im never going to regret my crazy phase it was fun while it lasted and im not ashamed or anything, some percieve it differently and look down upon it but hey its something that i went through and it really doesnt matter cause no one can honestly understand but me, and hey it got me to the next stage, ive learned alot from all these changes that im going through and i think thats where the beauty is in life, changes ......without them life would kind of be dull.
being here disattached from home and comfort, i think is the best thing that happened to me. it made me grow up and realize that in one way or another home did not equal comfort, yes theres a lot of people i love at home and care about, but at the same time i realize that it didnt and doesnt make me happy to be there. there are so many superficial and petty conflicts and things that flow through there and i realize life is to short to stress out about every single detail. i also realize that they are so many preconcieved labels and judgements that others put on one another, and so many people focus on so many other peoples personal lives that it cant make anyone happy.
here its so different, people arnt so judgementle and dont focus on stupid petty things like goes and dont have the need to downgrade anyone else, everyone just coexisits, and i think everyone realizes all this when they get out of their highschool cliques or environments, and im sure most of you can see this as well, not only me.
i go home in a few short weeks and im not sure what to expect
i know everything is different and its going to be so fun to see people i havent seen in a long time, and if anything remotly causes drama in my life, im just going to have to cut it from my life, cause its my choice to keep the drama in it.
for the most part so many people that i have talked have changed and grew up, people are just more laid back and they dont care about petty stupid shit, and just are down with being happy and being with eachother and thats the stuff i come back for, life is to important to waste on petty problems and gossip cause their are bigger things in life that we should focus or energy on and i mean i need to enjoy life not worry about life constantly, and often that idea is forgotten in the haste of everyday life.
its so hard to remember all these important things one should live by especially when life gets hectic but for the most part if its applied even every now and then it would make life just that lil bit easier.
eventhough theres things that are rather shitty in life right now , im not falling to the floor crumbling, im slowly learning and discovering how to deal with things in a more productive and positive ways, and im learning to focus my energies in the important aspect of life rather the pointless part which i have been doing on and off for my entire life. im learning to except happiness cause not everything is seriously a dramatic tale. and as soon as i learn to accept happiness and just go with it i feel like everything will fall into place. one step at a time , cause even though i realize this , things arnt going to fix itself over nite and there are going to be dayz where i do focus on the stupid stuff, im growing up but fuck im still in college and im still human and im going to make stupid ass decisions and mistakes and fuck ups in my life but those are the things that im suppose to learn from without them i'd still be a very lost little girl...now im a sorta lost little woman..hehe
it is so wierd that at this point in my life everything is forever changing, especially me. i mean not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. and im sure everyone of you are feeling the same way. like you can go to crazy wild child person one second...and then completly be calm focused and reserved the next....its funny to look at the stages in my life. like i went through that whole crazy rollercoaster wild child phase last year and thought that nothing mattered and everything was rad, because i was so far and detached from the dramatic things in life, i wasnt realizing i was shielding it with a some what of a self destructive life style, piercings, guys whatever it may be, it was just covering the underlining troubles that i wanted to just hide and forget. however now since im a lot more happier and willing to face things in my life that arent so easy to deal with i dont need that wild path to shield anything im all in the open, im not going to lie my life is not all fine and dandy but who the hell is , i mean everyone and i mean everyone has shit in their life that stress them out and make them cry and feel pain and anguish eventually, im just dealing with alot of it right now but that doesnt necessarily mean that my life will always be like that, if i work on the bad and realize the good parts of life then im sure i will get to that part in my life that i have no stress and emotional pain, i know theres going to be times where i forget this and im going to feel like everything is shit, but its important that i subconscienely know this deep down to pull me out, im going through another stage...the slowly growing up and facing the hard truth phase. i think im slowly beginning to realize life is what you make of it, if you run from your troubles its going to linger over your head, if you make it crazy then it will be crazy, i took out almost all of my piercings and now am very reserved with guys especially random ones lol...i love piercings and tattoos still but right now its not for me, and right now i dont really want to hook up with anyone i rather have meaningful conversations insted, i need stability in my life wiether with a person or alone, i seriously am having a blast being single and not being overly well lets be honest slutty. im never going to regret my crazy phase it was fun while it lasted and im not ashamed or anything, some percieve it differently and look down upon it but hey its something that i went through and it really doesnt matter cause no one can honestly understand but me, and hey it got me to the next stage, ive learned alot from all these changes that im going through and i think thats where the beauty is in life, changes ......without them life would kind of be dull.
being here disattached from home and comfort, i think is the best thing that happened to me. it made me grow up and realize that in one way or another home did not equal comfort, yes theres a lot of people i love at home and care about, but at the same time i realize that it didnt and doesnt make me happy to be there. there are so many superficial and petty conflicts and things that flow through there and i realize life is to short to stress out about every single detail. i also realize that they are so many preconcieved labels and judgements that others put on one another, and so many people focus on so many other peoples personal lives that it cant make anyone happy.
here its so different, people arnt so judgementle and dont focus on stupid petty things like goes and dont have the need to downgrade anyone else, everyone just coexisits, and i think everyone realizes all this when they get out of their highschool cliques or environments, and im sure most of you can see this as well, not only me.
i go home in a few short weeks and im not sure what to expect
i know everything is different and its going to be so fun to see people i havent seen in a long time, and if anything remotly causes drama in my life, im just going to have to cut it from my life, cause its my choice to keep the drama in it.
for the most part so many people that i have talked have changed and grew up, people are just more laid back and they dont care about petty stupid shit, and just are down with being happy and being with eachother and thats the stuff i come back for, life is to important to waste on petty problems and gossip cause their are bigger things in life that we should focus or energy on and i mean i need to enjoy life not worry about life constantly, and often that idea is forgotten in the haste of everyday life.
its so hard to remember all these important things one should live by especially when life gets hectic but for the most part if its applied even every now and then it would make life just that lil bit easier.
eventhough theres things that are rather shitty in life right now , im not falling to the floor crumbling, im slowly learning and discovering how to deal with things in a more productive and positive ways, and im learning to focus my energies in the important aspect of life rather the pointless part which i have been doing on and off for my entire life. im learning to except happiness cause not everything is seriously a dramatic tale. and as soon as i learn to accept happiness and just go with it i feel like everything will fall into place. one step at a time , cause even though i realize this , things arnt going to fix itself over nite and there are going to be dayz where i do focus on the stupid stuff, im growing up but fuck im still in college and im still human and im going to make stupid ass decisions and mistakes and fuck ups in my life but those are the things that im suppose to learn from without them i'd still be a very lost little girl...now im a sorta lost little woman..hehe